Thursday, August 7, 2008

Here I am, all alone, wondering what went wrong. Did we ever have a chance?

You guys! I am so! excited! for the Olympics. At first I was all, "Olympics YAWN," because does it SOUND that exciting? Fuck yes, it does!

Ahem. So, yes. I'm excited for that to start tomorrow. I may get a teeny bit obsessed, so if you DON'T like the Olympics (what's wrong with you?), don't say I didn't give you fair warning.

I'll have you know that today I successfully resisted an invitation to Chipotle. I swear, the people in my office go out to lunch almost every day and I just can't do that, or I'd weigh 400 pounds and my checking account would have -400 dollars in it. Both of these things would be a problem. It makes it easier to save money when I know I have to. For instance, next weekend I'm driving to Cleveland to take part in a bachelorette party for my dear friend Amy. It didn't occur to me until just now that the only person that I will know there is Amy. The fact that I am not freaking out about this shows just how far I've come over the past couple of years. Besides, there are going to be cocktails and after a few of those, I'm everyone's friend.

I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to talk about Saved by the Bell again. No, you know what? I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry at all. This morning? It was the episode where they're all in a band and Casey Kasem is doing that Behind the Music special. AWESOME. First of all, the name of their band is Friends Forever. Worst band name ever? Possibly. Second of all, what? They're in a band? And they're famous? And where the hell is Jessie in all of this?

Whatever. I got to thinking that Saved by the Bell would have been a much better show if it had been a drama. OK, probably not, but think of the possibilities. Because, isn't Zack loaded? Come to think of it, Lisa's rich, too. And Jessie lives next door to Zack AND her dad owns a hotel, so she's got money, too. I think the only one who didn't have money was Kelly. That's why she couldn't go to the prom that one time. And had to work at The Max. So if the show had been a drama, Kelly totally would have been the outcast who got pregnant junior year and had to have an abortion. And Slater would have turned out to be gay, but he'd be afraid to tell anyone because the wrestling team wouldn't want to wrestle with him anymore. Maybe he got Kelly pregnant! To prove he wasn't gay! What a bastard.


mysterygirl! said...

Teehee-- I'm so glad you know the lyrics, too.

Screech must have been at least a little rich, too, to afford all those brightly colored shirts, not to mention robot parts.

Have you seen Zack these days in the commercials for his new law show, "Raising the Bar"? He has hair like Sirius Black. And on him that means oh so wrong.

kat! said...

i want you to re-write all of the sitcoms from now on.

Fraulein N said...

And Screech would have been a complete asshole oh wait that's REAL life.

Zack's hair in those commercials for his new show makes me laugh and laugh.

Tam said...

I think Lisa was home with an eating disorder during that episode. So we are excited about the Olympics too. Mostly because coach K is coaching the BBall team. We have been watching a special called "road to redemtion" on ESPN. Its awesome, totally a basketball drama and Lebron is HOT. I hear he is a baby daddy too and after he spends all of this time with Koby he is going to cheat on his baby mamma with an asian stripper and have to buy her a 4 carat diamond ring to make up for it. Poor lebron.

Jennie! said...

mg! Amazon has a SBTB soundtrack. YOU'RE WELCOME.

kat! done.

Fraulein, I haven't seen these commercials, but I need to.

Tam, I don't know who Coach K is, but yay!

Joe G. said...

Jennie!, 'Coach K' is Mike Krzyzewski (pronounced 'shur-SHEV-skee', I believe). He's the coach of Duke's basketball team. Why do I know how to spell Krzyzewski? Because I like to sit around saying 'Coach Kur-zy-ZEUS-ki' during the NCAA basketball tournament in March. That's my story. The end.

Also, regarding your rewrite of Saved By The Bell: WOW. I am shocked and appalled. But also more than a little intrigued...

Steve-O said...

How could you turn down Chipotle? Would it make you're co-workers uncomfortable with the way you "down" a burrito?

vahid said...

Can you draft a screenplay for this alternate universe Saved By The Bell? I'm pretty sure if we pitch it to the right people we can at least get a pilot episode out of this.

Grad School Reject said...

Because I referenced this episode in a comment a few posts back I think I totally made it appear on your television. And why do I think that? Because I am an arrogant dick.

(...who has magical powers)

John said...

two things:
why had i never heard the word "chipotle" until about 4 years ago when it started showing up in taco bell ads and pseudo-mexican restaurants?

i don't remember the other last names on SBTB, but Lisa Turtle just seems like an odd name. who has Turtle for a last name?