Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Deep Thoughts (not really)

So, it's that time of year where you're supposed to think about what an awful person you've been all year, and what you're going to do in the coming year to change that. I do this every year, I think. It's usually the same things: write more, eat healthier, drink less, be nicer to people, stop procrastinating, blah blah blah, and then I forget about them as soon as they're posted. So, instead of making resolutions, I'm just going to answer these questions. I did it last year. You should do it, too, so I have something to read later.

Real post to come...later...if I feel like it...so probably not. Anyway:

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?

Tried to blog for 365 days straight. Then I quit my blog.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

This is as close as I came to making resolutions last year. I did not get married or pregnant, so score!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

My favorite RA from college had a baby! So did my 17-year-old cousin. Oops.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Poor Bo.

5. What countries did you visit?

America?

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?


A baby penguin.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

November 4th AND I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I didn't fall down as much.

9. What was your biggest failure?

DOWNER.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Lots. I said I didn't fall down as much, but I didn't say I didn't fall down at ALL.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

A laptop.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Mine. What? I don't know.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

THIS GUY.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Target and Threadless.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

See question 7.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?

I'm sure there IS one, but I can't think of it right now. So instead of thinking any longer (my head hurts), I'm going to stop and move on.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. Happier or sadder? Happier
ii. Thinner or fatter? About the same, I think
iii. Richer or poorer? Richer, but not by much

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Writing. Reading.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Working.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

Um, I already did this, douchebitch.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?

Duh.

22. How many one-night stands?

Um, none.

23. What was your favorite TV program?

The Office. Or Pushing Daisies.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

No. I try to hate sometimes, but it doesn't last long.

25. What was the best book you read?

Not Atonement, that's for damn sure.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Vampire Weekend, which I don't think counts, because Kat told me about them. But she always knows the good bands first.

27. What did you want and get?

An iPod. A new computer. A new phone. A new president.

28. What did you want and not get?

A new job.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?

WALL-E!

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I was 26 and forgot to celebrate my birthday this year. Or I ran out of time. Either way, oops.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

T-shirts. And more t-shirts.

32. What kept you sane?

To Do lists.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Um, duh, Jim Halpert.

Question 34 was missing. Sorry. You can make up a question if you want and maybe I'll answer it.

35. Who did you miss?

You.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

This question is mean. I love all the new people I met this year.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.

Never throw anything out. You may need it for your blog one day. BONUS LESSON: don't crack open really old nuts.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Name That Penguin Contest

Good morning! Work is making me want to DIE DIE DIE, which is pretty standard these days, so I'm taking some time off from proper blogging. As of today, anyway. I could change my mind tomorrow. Anyway, in the meantime, I have a problem and I think -- no, I KNOW -- you guys can help. Tamara got me a penguin for Christmas. See:


And we don't like the name he came with (Freeze . . . PSHAW, whatever), so we think he needs a new one. I challenge you all to come up with a new name. One that doesn't suck. The winner gets . . . I don't know, the winner gets to pick what I write about for a week or something. And I'll also give you a real prize (one that doesn't suck).

Happy naming.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Happy Birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party's so lame.

IT IS SO COLD OUTSIDE. My brain is frozen. You're probably all, "oh, poor Jennie is cold, somebody better call the WAAAAAAHmbulance," but you know what? Eff you. Because it's REALLY COLD OUTSIDE.

I did a lot of Christmas celebrating this weekend. Like. Almost all weekend. For realsies. Heidi and I went over to Tamara's Friday night for pizza and cookies and drinking and Love, Actually. Tamara didn't have a copy of Love, Actually and asked us to bring a copy (because we have two, naturally), and I was all, "haha, I will BUY Love, Actually and give it to Tamara as a Hanukkah present and we will pretend we forgot it and she will call us bitches and then open her present and we will laugh and laugh and laugh." That is essentially exactly the way it happened, only I'm not sure if she called us bitches. I don't really remember. Anyway, then we drank margaritas and killed an entire pizza and opened presents and watched Love, Actually and all was right with the world.

On Saturday, Joe and I went to my aunt's house to celebrate Christmas with my dad's side of the family. When we got there, the food was spread out all over the dining room AND the kitchen, and we concentrated on eating for a good hour. I ate approximately four hanky pankies (spicy sausage and cheese melted together and then baked on tiny pieces of bread OH MY GOD they are the food of the heavens). Then we opened presents and THEN we played Rock Band for so long that I thought for sure that my arm was going to fall off from playing the guitar for the longest song in the history of the world. After we turned the game over to the kids, we decided to play Scene It, only no one but Joe really remembered the rules and god love him, he really tried to explain them and then tried to get everyone to watch the How To tutorial on the game, but we are a rowdy bunch and keeping our attention for longer than about 30 seconds . . . um, doesn't work. This is a pretty good representation of what a Jennie's Family Christmas is like, and I wouldn't change it for all the naked Jake Gyllenhaals in the world:

The How To tutorial is playing and everyone watches for approximately .05 seconds, but then my dad farts and everyone rushes to cover their noses, and the dogs walk all over the game board and knock all the pieces over, and my uncle is yelling down the stairs for the kids to turn the volume down because Rock Band is drowning out all other sounds in the universe, and my other uncle is ignoring everyone because he's playing with the toy chainsaw my dad got him for Christmas, and suddenly the tutorial is over and someone asks how we play and my head explodes a little and then we finally start playing but my dad is TOTALLY CHEATING because he's all, "you can't play that buzz card and make us lose our turn because we already rolled," and "I think you move your piece AFTER you answer the question correctly," and then people are YELLING OUT THE ANSWER when it's not their turn (JOE), and no one believes me when I say Dustin Hoffman was in Wag the Dog, Papillion, and Dick Tracy even though they know I am the Rainman of movie trivia and then my uncle is saying that The Royal Tenenbaums is a terrible movie and I'm all, "didn't we get into this fight last time we played?" and yes. Yes, we did.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

I want you to feel like you're gonna die

Those words are spoken by Jillian Michaels on Level 2 of her 30 Day Shred DVD and OH MY GOD, Jillian, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

I think you're supposed to do the video for 30 days straight, but at the pace I'm going, I'll have finished the 30 days in about six months. It's not my fault, though. Stuff keeps happening, like Rockville or the hospital or pizza and cookies, and then the video fucked up my knee so I had to stop for a while. I don't know why I decided to move to Level 2. I still want to die sometimes after Level 1, probably because I skip working out for weeks at a time, so every time I do it (heh, do it) it's essentially like I'm starting all over again.

This is what I did this morning, before guilting myself into the workout:
  • drank a shitload of coffee
  • watched Chuck vs. Tom Sawyer
  • read some Internets
  • decided to maybe go running
  • checked Weather.com, saw it was only 26 degrees, decided not to go running
  • played Guitar Hero
  • thought, "I should work out...maybe I should eat one of those protein bars Heidi said are in the cupboard."
  • couldn't find protein bars
  • read some more Internets
  • worked out
  • died
I'm typing this from beyond the grave. Ooooooooooooooooooo!! I hope my family doesn't mind my zombiefication later at the Christmas celebration, but there will be lots of food and presents so I don't think they'll care much, unless I try to eat someone's brain.

Friday, December 19, 2008

this isn't your grandmother's Christmas party

WORST. DAY. EVER. Week is almost over and I will tell you how I know that. Um, well, it's almost time to leave work for THE WHOLE WEEKEND. I think most of my problems will magically melt away as soon as I step out of the building. I'm so sick of this place, you guys. It frustrates me so much that I'm not sure if I'm going to cry or call someone a douchebitch or punch someone in the face or all of the above.

Do you want to hear a Christmas miracle? Somehow, I am all done with my Christmas shopping. I banged it out last night (hahahahaha) at Target and then I wept with happiness. True story. Target is magical, so it was fitting that I'd finish my shopping there. Of course, I still have to wrap everything, but my plan on Christmas Eve is to wrap presents, drink, and watch The Sound of Music. I did the same thing last year, only I watched Harry Potter instead of The Sound of Music. What? I don't mock your Christmas traditions.

I have the most exciting plans tonight FOR REALSIES. Heidi and I are going to Tamara's to help make Hanukkah cookies, and there will also be pizza and wine and Love, Actually. Things just don't get much better than that. The only thing that could make it better would be if James McAvoy came in and did a sexy dance for us while we were baking. I'm not sure how much help I'll be with the actual baking, but I know I will be REALLY GOOD at taste-testing. Someone has to make sure the frosting isn't poisoned and I will volunteer to take one for the team.

Tomorrow, I'm celebrating Christmas with my dad's side of the family, and Joe, the brave soul, is going with me. I'm hoping we play Scene It again because if Joe and I are on the same team, we will totally win. No question. The other team will be lucky if they even get to answer any questions. Do you hear that family? We will own your asses. OK BYE MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

WORST. DAY. EVER. Week

Earlier this week, Heather Anne proclaimed a state of emergency and by state of emergency I mean "WORST. DAY. EVER. Week." It's been a while since we've had one, and I think this week qualifies. I didn't want to believe it. I'm pretty good at denial, but things have stacked up and yep . . . it is now officially "WORST. DAY. EVER. Week." I understand this may not be affecting you all, but for those of you who have been affected . . . I'm sorry. But at least it's almost over, yes? Yes.

That's not to say it's been all bad. Sure, work has sucked donkey balls (two words: SOFTWARE CONVERSION) every day so far, but today I get to do detective work and fix things, and that's sort of fun BECAUSE I'M A NERD. And I had to go to the gyno on Monday, but that gave me something to blog about, and who doesn't love hooha talk? Also, there was a big, dumb ice storm on Tuesday (not like the movie, though, with the swingers and the itty, bitty Frodo and the tween sex), but it was practically melted by Wednesday morning. And my cell phone charger broke, meaning my phone was quickly dying, but then I realized it was time to UPGRADE and so UPGRADE I did. I think my new phone and I will be very happy together.

Oh yeah, my mom called me yesterday and told me they were taking my grandma to the hospital with what, to me, sounded like a stroke, but it turned out she was fine. And, you know, it gave me a chance to spend some quality time with my parents and some dude with a puke bucket in the ER waiting room.

Anyway, this week has been a bit of a disaster, but like I said, it's almost over. And I have nothing to do tonight but some Christmas shopping and TV watching, AND AWESOME TV WATCHING at that. Thank you, TiVo, for recording the Muppets. They can fix everything. And if, for some reason, they can't, then I'm sure those Christmas cookies my mom gave me will do the trick.

Monday, December 15, 2008

WARNING: there is disturbing hooha talk ahead. I mean it. Turn away now.

Thank you all for the kind words yesterday. I knew I could count on you guys.

Now, it's time to talk about the gyno. I know, how excited are you? So. I went to the gyno this morning, because what better way to start the week than by letting someone you don't know very well shove a cold piece of metal into your hooha and poke around with giant Q-tips. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT THEY DO. I think sometimes men wonder why women complain about going to the gyno and HERE IS WHY.

First, you walk in and they weigh you. I'm really OK with this. The part I have a problem with is that they then measure you and SOMEHOW I've shrunk a quarter of an inch from last time I was in. Or I was wearing thicker socks last time. Or I was standing up straighter. I don't know. But I do know that 26 is probably too young to start shrinking.

Then they take you to an exam room, where they point out the lovely frock you'll be wearing. The nurse is all, "make sure the gown is open in the back and put this white sheet over your lap." The white sheet is for privacy while the doctor gropes you. You'll see.

So you change into this gown, making sure to leave the opening in the back, and cover your business with the white sheet. You wait and wait and wait and, if you're like me, you're just getting to a good part in your book when the doctor walks in and is all, "How's life? How often do you do it? Have you ever been pregnant? When was the first day of your last cycle?" It's like an exam you haven't studied for PLUS ALSO an interrogation. There are even hot lights shining on you. Sure, they're shining on your lady parts, but whatever.

After some chit-chat, the doctor tells you to lie back and put your arms over your head so she can feel you up and make sure your boobs aren't bad-lumpy. And then she yells at your for not giving yourself monthly breast exams. My doctor also likes small talk, but instead of talking about the weather, she'll talk about how her kids go to Catholic school and one day they came home and said they'd had a discussion about abortion in religion class. And you just smile and nod and try to pretend she's not kneading your boob like a bunch of dough.

Now comes the big show. The stirrups come out and she's all, "scoot down here . . . a bit more . . . that's it . . . relax your knees," and it's very uncomfortable, except you're kind of distracted because SHE'S STILL TALKING ABOUT ABORTION. And then, with some gentle words ("oh boy, this part is never fun") she violates you with a piece of metal. Good times. Now is when she switches subjects a bit and starts talking about how she really liked that Mike Huckabee and you bite your tongue because you are in a VERY. COMPRIMISING. POSITION. and she could do you permanent damage. Eventually, she finishes and you think it's all over, but then she feels your ovaries or uterus or whatever. From the inside. Yeah. I've heard some gynos poke you in the butthole or something, but mine doesn't do that. If she did, I'd poke HER in the butthole and see how she likes people messing around down there.

See? I told you not to read this. That'll learn you.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

big favor

If you guys could spare any prayers or good thoughts or good vibes, and send them to Heidi and her family right now, that'd be super. I owe you.

Friday, December 12, 2008

I'm a black belt in gift-wrapping.

Sometimes I think it's funny when I'm in my boss's office, and she sends me an email, to race it back to my desk. I almost always win. Other times, she'll come into my office and be all, "I sent you an email," and then we stare at Outlook until it appears. Sometimes I get scared because there might be an email from Heidi visible. Not that we're all that inappropriate at work, but every now and then we start to discuss Britney Spears and then someone says, "if that happens, I'll poop my pants," and you know what? I don't want my boss thinking that either Heidi or I poop our pants on a regular basis. Or any basis, really. I realize the whole racing email thing is not very funny, but my work environment has recently (ha, recently) become a hotbed of rumor and intrigue and so I have to make my own fun. Which would be a lot easier if they'd give back access to the YouTubes.

Today begins the GREAT PAYROLL/HR SOFTWARE CONVERSION OF 2008. I say begins, but really we've been working on this for what feels like a trillion years. That's why I was in Rockville last week and that's why I haven't had time to blog lately, because recently they've actually been expecting me to do some work. What's weird is that, other than this conversion, I don't have much to do. And considering that layoffs around here have been often and plentiful, I'm thinking I won't be hanging onto this job for too long once everything from the conversion clusterfuck has been fixed.

Other than that, I've been spending my time trying to get into the Christmas spirit, which was totally working the other night when I found some Christmas music on the radio but then Deliliah came on and ruined everything. I hate her so hard. I can't help it. She makes me feel Grinchy like no one else does, unless Dane Cook comes out with a Christmas comedy special or something.

Here's what, though. Last night during the tail end of Ugly Betty, what should we see? Why, a preview for A Muppets Christmas. A BRAND NEW MUPPETS CHRISTMAS SPECIAL. If a Santa-hat-wearing Animal can't get you in the Christmas spirit, nothing can. Suck it, Deliliah.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

there were layoffs at work today, and so I'd rather talk about poop, thank you very much

Remember when I told you guys about the episode of Grey's Anatomy where the lady had a poop transplant? Apparently it's not as bullshitty as I thought it was. See?

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

tonight on Jeopardy!

Alex Trebek: Next category "German Words and Phrases."

Joe:  Nice.

Me:  ESSEN MEIN SCHEISSE!

Joe:  WOW.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Je m'appelle Claude

It's snowing in Chicago. Sort of. We just went to Starbucks and for some reason I saw snow and thought, "hmm, I will wear my Chuck Taylors." Bad idea. Bad. Kat was smart and brought snow boots and luckily Abigail gave us all sweet hats to wear because it is cold here, you guys. So cold. Actually, that's a lie because it's 31 degrees right now and it feels really warm. Because last night it was 8. If that. Anyway, these hats have animal faces on them. Mine is a monkey. I'll show you later because the batteries in my camera died and I haven't gotten any new ones yet. Although, the apartment/suite thing has Ikea batteries but they're the wrong size. Did you know Ikea batteries are yellow? Because they are yellow. Wow, do you want to hear more about the batteries? Cause I could talk more about the batteries.

Right now, Heather is making cinnamon rolls, while WALL-E watches over her from the counter. She is also speaking in a British accent and Abigail is researching for Kat's crossword so Kat can cheat. Also, we are taking a Slang Flashcard test.

I sort of can't believe I'm finally in Chicago, because the trip to Rockville was such a disaster and I will tell you why. One - I was working. Two - the car broke down. Three - I'm pretty sure I didn't sleep at all. Four - I was working. The disaster didn't end once I landed in Dayton, oh no. There were parking lot shenanigans. I will get to that in a minute.

The BEST thing happened as I was walking to baggage claim. I walked out of the secured area and all of these people were there greeting their loved ones. I was all, "aww, that is so sweet and boo, none of them are for me." And then. I walked around the corner and saw this guy who looked just like Joe and GUESS WHAT. It was Joe. And THANK GOD because I was way tired of carrying my bags. Hee. Also, it was really very sweet because pretty much all I did the entire trip was text/email Joe and Heidi and tell them what an awful time I was having. And it turned out to be a really good thing that he was there and NOW I will tell you why.

OK. So when I parked my car on Tuesday, I parked in economy. And they were doing a buttload of construction and APPARENTLY I ended up in the wrong lot. Somehow, there was no barrier between the economy lot and the credit card lot (which is way closer to the airport) and I drove into the credit card lot by mistake WHICH SHOULD NOT BE POSSIBLE. Anyway, so I tried to get out of the lot with my credit card, but since I didn't use my credit card to get in, the thing wouldn't let me out. So I called the guy on the intercom and he was really rude and told me I couldn't get out and I'd just have to find the way I got in, and get out that way, and when I tried to explain to him that THERE WAS NO OTHER WAY OUT because apparently they'd put the barrier back, he was all, "eff you, B, sorry about your luck." If Joe hadn't been there to calmly ask me if I wanted him to drive, I definitely would have just driven through the barrier to FREEDOM SWEET FREEEEEEEEEEEDOM. And, you know, then I would have gotten arrested and there goes my newfound freedom.

So. We drove around for a while, found a movable barrier, moved it, and drove out of the economy lot. And then I went home and slept. And then I got up and packed. And then I drove to Chicago, and picked up Abigail, and we went to the airport to get Kat and Heather, and then we found the apartment Abigail had rented for us (which WOW I need to take pictures once I find batteries) and then we went to the grocery and bought wine and food and 30 cans of PBR (25 are left . . . can we finish them? I don't know) and then we ate cheese and drank wine and then we played the Harry Potter game I gave Heather for her birthday and then we watched Heather's new WALL-E dance away and then we had dinner and that's it. Except THEN this morning we got up and got Starbucks and whatever happens after that, I will have to tell you at a later time. Hold, please.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

I am all better now

I got some food and some beer and now I'm driving coffee because I forgot that drinking beer would make me sleepier than I already was. I immediately got a two-top when I finally made my way to the restaurant, and almost as soon as I ordered my food and beer BOOM there it was. And it was delicious. Sort of. I mean, I was so hungry that I would have eaten anything they brought me, even if it was kitty litter covered cat poop.

As I was sitting there, all alone at my table, some lady walked up who knew the two guys sitting at the table beside me and she was all, "can I sit here?" and before I said yes or no, she sat down across from me. I was all, "whatever, I have a giant beer, I can handle some lady." It turns out, she's on my flight and totally knew where I work and blah blah blah we talked and then I paid for my crap and then I left. Also, the guy she knew was British and I eavesdropped on their conversation so I could swoon at his accent.

So, then I wandered around the bookstore but my brain wouldn't let me buy anything because I knew I could find all those books somewhere else for cheap. Also, I already have a book in my bag that I fully intend on reading while I'm on the plane, so I didn't even NEED to buy a book.

THEN I went to the coffee place to get some hot chocolate and they were like, "but we only have drip coffee right now," like they couldn't drop some cocoa in some hot milk or whatever. Assholes. But then I got coffee and it kind of tastes like burning, but at least I won't fall asleep on the plane and wake up to someone licking my face. Or worse. You never know.

here is what my day was like LEAVE ME ALONE

  • got up early because I couldn't sleep
  • got ready, packed, met coworkers in lobby
  • boss tried to start rental car
  • boss tried to start rental car
  • boss tried to start rental car
  • boss and I rode to work with other coworkers
  • called car rental place, was assured they would fix car
  • worked and worked and worked
  • four hours later, called rental car place, was informed they had no record of first call
  • got transferred and transferred and hung up on
  • finally heard from rental car place, was informed they fixed car
  • hitched ride to hotel parking lot
  • bribed hotel staff for rental car keys
  • tried to start rental car...SUCCESS
  • drove Mustang one hour through heavy traffic to airport
  • felt like an old lady for barely being able to see over steering wheel/hood of Mustang
  • hated on Mustang
  • loved on Garmin
  • got to airport
  • walked and walked and walked
  • got in wrong line at baggage check-in
  • hated on security check-in
  • wandered airport, looking for food and booze
  • saw that all food and booze places too busy for sitting
  • sat at random gate, posted garbage on my blog
My flight doesn't leave til 8:55 and I'M SO BORED. Waaaaaaaaaah. I'm going to go try the bar again.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

I'm a businesswoman in town on business

Are you there, Internets? It's me, Jennie. I'm so tired, Internets. So tired. I flew into Baltimore last night, and by the time we got our bags, picked up our rental car, went to the hotel, and ate dinner? It was 11. And then! I stayed up til midnight for some reason. And then I couldn't sleep. And you know what? I sort of hate the Marriott. My room doesn't have wireless internet, the hotel buffet breakfast cost $14, there was a moldy teabag in my coffeemaker (which was hidden in a random drawer), and there's a drafty draft from hell (or somewhere, you know, cold) coming through the window that makes me want to stab Mother Nature in the face.

However. There IS a giant, flat screen TV and the $14 breakfast was pretty good and everyone knows coffee tastes better with moldy teabags in it, so win win win.

I came here for work, to do some training and testing, although the first two hours of work today were spent setting up laptops and getting access to various networks and my head exploded from all the disorganization of it all. And then we started working and OH MY GOD I actually felt like I was accomplishing something, which is a lot different than what happens most days. Most days, I spend my time avoiding irate employees who want to yell at me because I'm mean and won't let them have benefits for free, because I'm totally in charge of that.

The rental car place gave us a Mustang and so far just my boss has driven it, but tomorrow I have to drive it back to the airport and I'm a little scared that I might need to sit on a phonebook to see over the hood. Also, I'll probably get lost at least once, with or without the company-provided Garmin (RECALCULATING) so I might leave for the airport seven hours early.

Anyway. My brain is done working for the day so I'm going to go lie in bed and watch South Park.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

I fell into a burning ring of fire and I was totally happy because it's really cold outside right now.

Inexplicably, I have had songs from Walk the Line stuck in my head all morning. I can't imagine why. I haven't seen that movie in 87 years.

I am feeling very anxious today, and it's because I'm flying to Maryland later this evening and I'm at work right now and my stuff is in the car and WHAT IF SOMEONE STEALS IT. I thought about dragging my suitcase in, but I'd have to drag it up a couple flights of stairs and . . . no, thank you.

So, you know, The Anxious is because of the traveling and I'm pretty sure it won't go away until about 8:30 tonight, when I finally make it to my hotel room. Actually, if I'm being completely honest, I'm pretty sure it won't be gone until I get home Thursday night. Because I JUST REALIZED I'm going to miss The Office since I'll be on a plane when it's on. Unfair. Is it even new this week, though? I have no idea. I used to know these things. Oh, well.

Also, I've decided to give up caffeine. Or maybe not give it up (I don't want to be a quitter), but at least cut back on it because I drink way, way too much of it. So I only had one cup of coffee this morning. I don't think this week was a very good week to cut back on caffeine, but it should at least help with the anxiety, right? Right? Who knows.

I totally remembered to wear slip on shoes today, though. I hate going to the airport and having to take of my shoes and then TIE them all over again. Because then I feel like a jackass for holding up the line and I can feel the people behind me trying to kill me with their eyeballs and you know what? That's uncomfortable.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

You heard the news and you broke the White House.

Joe and I have been watching The West Wing because we finished every other TV show in existence.  So far, my favorite Bartlet speech is this one:



Hey, look at that.  November and NaBloMe are over.  Whoo!  

Saturday, November 29, 2008

NaBloMe

I have been a complete waste of space today. Even though I managed to get out of bed around 9 (not bad), I did nothing but eat waffles and watch The West Wing. And then I accidentally took a two hour nap. I haven't showered or gone running or anything. I have, however, done a load of laundry. And I ate a turkey sandwich I made out of a sweet roll, provolone cheese, and Thanksgiving leftovers. YUM.

In fact, I haven't eaten much but Thanksgiving food since, um, Thanksgiving. Last night, Joe and I pooled our leftovers and had a mini-Thanksgiving. Not only were there mashed potatoes, there was Guitar Hero AND WALL-E. I just love that movie so much. It makes my heart melt all over the place, which sounds uncomfortable, but it's really not.

NaBloMe is sort of kicking my ass. I don't like feeling like I HAVE to blog. Who is November to tell me I have to blog every day? Eff you, November! Don't tell me my business!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go wrap some Christmas presents. I may need to watch Elf while I do so. I'll keep you updated.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Custard, good. Jam, good. Meat, GOOD!

Yawn. I'm at work and I'm wicked bored. So wicked bored that I've decided to pretend I'm from Boston. No. That's not true at all. I'm sorry for lying, but I'm bored, so what else do you expect me to do? I think even my boss is bored. She popped into my office earlier to tell me about some documentary she watched last night (that I totally want to see now) about how long it will take, once the humans are dead, for all evidence of humanity to disappear. Like roads and buildings and stuff. I tried to tell her that WALL-E will stick around and clean the place up, but she didn't know what I was talking about. While she was talking, I kept thinking, "Oh, shit, Jennie, pay attention, maybe this has something to do with a project she wants you to work on," and then I realized that I don't, in fact, have anything to do with cleaning up after humanity (that's Kat's job), and that my boss was just bored and wanted to tell me about a wicked cool (yeah, I need to stop that) TV show she'd watched.

Then she left. And five minutes later she came back to tell me about this OTHER thing she'd seen at the Smithsonian about how, if all of time was 24 hours or something, humans have only been around for a minute. Only she used more words and it sounded better than what I just said. Then we talked about how thinking about that kind of thing makes us feel tiny and insignificant and I was all, "Kind of makes you wonder why we have to go to work every day," because I was hoping she'd say, "You're right, Jennie. You go home. Watch some TV. Read some books. Take some naps. Enjoy your day." That didn't happen, though.

So, that is why I'm still at work. Although, I have to say I'd rather be at work than out shopping. That's where Heidi is. She went with her mom at 5 AM and they are sure to find billions of deals, but Black Friday scares me. Plus, you can find a lot of deals online, so if you want to spend some money without the bother of talking to people, just head on over to Amazon. Earlier Joe went to Toys (backwards) R Us to look for Guitar Hero guitars and I got the following text messages about his quest:

The line just to get into electronics is sooooooo long.

They sold out! Cries.

Disappointment.

Wait! Wait! They have them!

I have two in my hands.

I'm hoping the "two" he's talking about are guitars and he's not having to perform sexual favors for video games. Actually, no, I don't care either way, as long as we get to play Guitar Hero later. Hee.

I'm actually fighting the urge to take advantage of the SUPER DUPER deals on Threadless and Amazon. I'm mostly done with Christmas shopping, so I'd just be buying stuff for myself but I made a rule that I'm not allowed to buy myself anything until after Christmas. I made this rule last week when I saw Threadless was having a $5 shirt sale and I was all, "OH MY GOD MUST BUY ALL SHIRTS BLAAARG!" Once I calmed down I realized that this is the time of year for buying gifts for OTHERS, not myself, and that Threadless will have another sale in a couple months and I can buy myself all the shirts I want, provided I still have money/a job. Fingers crossed!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

I wish turkey only cost a nickel



Linus is so full of shit.

Happy Thanksgiving, Internets. I hope you eat turkey until your stomach explodes.

Not really. That'd be messy. And gross. See (WARNING: do not watch while eating):

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

now is the time when I babble about TV

Last night, I caught up on some Grey's Anatomy and . . . yeah. Um. Show? What are you doing? I tried to explain part of one episode to Joe and it went something like this:

Me: So I was watching Grey's Anatomy?
Him: Why?
Me: Shut up. And guess who was on it?
Him: Who?
Me: Jeremy! From Sports Night!
Him: No way!
Me: Yeah. But it was not a very good storyline.
Him: Oh yeah?
Me: Yeah. His wife had a pimple and thought it was a Staph infection . . .
Him: Sure.
Me: And so she bought these antibiotics from the internet and the antibiotics killed off all the good bacteria in her body or something and Jeremy was her husband.
Him: OK.
Me: And so she could get back some of the good bacteria she had to have a poop transplant.
Him: A poop transplant?
Me: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Him: A POOP transplant?!
Me: AHAHAHAHAHA.
Him: Um.
Me: Ahahahahahahah poop.

And then I tried to explain what was going on with Izzy, because she's banging her dead fiance, which is totally rude because she's dating Alex now. Kat tells me that General Hospital did the exact same storyline and Izzy has a brain tumor. I assume this is for the writer-bashing Katherine Heigl did during the last Emmy season. I'm also guessing that the writers have no idea what to do with her character anymore. Remember when Izzy was likable? Before she went crazy and started killing her fiance and stealing hearts and sleeping with her gay BFF? Yeah, me neither.

ALSO. The interns tried to take out Vaughn's evil wife's appendix. I don't really have an opinion of her on Grey's because of Alias. I keep expecting her to go rogue, put on some black eyeliner, bang Sark, and start torturing the other doctors. That hasn't happened, though. YET. She's still recovering from almost dying so she can't get up to any shenanigans at the moment.

It turns out that's all I have to say about TV right now. Carry on.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Pills?! Jessie, you really are taking drugs?

I had a mini-freakout earlier when I realized THERE'S NO TIME THERE'S NEVER ANY TIME I DON'T HAVE TIME TO STUDY I'LL NEVER GET INTO STANFORD because OH MY GOD THERE'S NO TIME THERE'S NEVER ANY TIME I DON'T HAVE TIME TO STUDY I'LL NEVER GET INTO STANFORD. Then I made a To Do list and I calmed down. That always helps. When I'm particularly stressed, my purse and desk are littered with half-completed To Do lists.

The scariest To Do list I ever saw belonged to Tamara. It was the one she made right before her wedding of everything she had left to do. It was on a piece of computer paper with the tiniest handwriting you've ever seen and she'd written a billion things on it. No lie. There were a billion. I counted.

My To Do lists are not that scary, and all the tasks are relatively easy, but they'd be a lot easier if I could do them all during work hours. Unfortunately, I haven't figured out how to pack from the office, because I haven't fully utilized my mind powers yet, so I can't. Also, it's far too early to pack, but if I could just get that out of the way, I'd feel so much better.

The packing is for a work trip and then a fun trip, which happen to be separated by fewer than 12 hours. Why I think this is possible and that I no longer need to sleep, um, at all, is beyond me. I actually think it will work out fine, but whenever I try to tell my brain that, it FREAKS THE FUCK OUT and then I have to spend precious time killing it softly with alcohol.

Add all of this to the stupid NaBloMe blog-every-single-day thing and even the alcohol wasn't working. Then I remembered that next week isn't November anymore, so I could totally quit my blog for all of December like I did last year. I'm not saying I will, but I'm saying I could. I could do a lot of things. Like, I could build a teleporter to bypass all my traveling woes, but it's not on my To Do list so I'm afraid that will have to wait.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Beatrice, Part 4

I was going to write a proper entry, but I'm still pretty tired from The Weekend of Awesome, so you'll just have to live with more fictional babbling about time-traveling dinosaurs. Also, I didn't edit this and really have no idea what it says. Sorrrrrrryyyyyyyyyy!

[Part 1, Part 2, Part 3]

The pair continued down the sidewalk, skipping around adults in their path. Beatrice hoped Bill could keep up. She also hoped he wouldn't get angry and leave her here by herself. Although, she supposed she wasn't technically by herself, since she was with Georgina and soon to be with Georgina's brother, but still. She didn't fancy being left in the future without any money or a place to stay. She didn't really think Bill would leave her alone here, but he had threatened before. It was so easy to get him cross with her. Even she didn't know how she did it on such a regular basis. Luckily, it was fairly easy to calm him down. Usually it just took some Earl Grey tea and a couple of biscuits.

"Oh, there's my brother!" shouted Georgina, as they approached a bright pink building. "Bernard! Bernard, over here!"

She ran toward the building, waving her arms wildly and tripping over her own feet. A small boy of about six was walking carefully down the giant steps in front of the building, clutching the handrail for dear life. He held a small, green lunchbox in one hand and his backpack appeared to be almost as big as he was. His skinny legs stuck out from his knee-length shorts and his white button-down shirt hung almost as long. His eyebrows were narrowed in concentration as he watched the number of steps left decrease, and when he got to the bottom, he heaved a sigh of relief and readjusted his backpack. He finally looked up and glimpsed his sister, running haphazardly toward him, and his face broke into a huge smile.

"Georgina!" he yelled, and ran toward her, also tripping over his own feet. "I'm so glad you're here." Beatrice and Bill brought up the rear and when they'd gotten to the reuniting siblings, Bernard gave them (ok, just Beatrice) a quizzical look. "Who are you?"

"Bernard, this is Beatrice, Beatrice, this is Bernard," said Georgina.

"What is she doing here?" Bernard asked Georgina.

"Bernard, don't be rude," she answered.

"Hey, Bernie!" shouted Beatrice. She grabbed his hand and shook with such might that the poor boy almost toppled over. "Nice to meet you."

"Likewise," said Bernard. "But my name is Bernard."

"Oh, but that's so stuffy," said Beatrice. "Bernie suits you much better." Bernard scowled at Beatrice and turned back to Georgina.

"Georgina. Guess what we did at school today?" said Bernard.

"What's that?" asked Georgina.

"We got to write our own stories!" he shouted, pulling out a wad of papers from his bag.

"Oh, my!" cried Georgina. "Whatever did you write about?"

"Time travel!" shouted Bernard, and Beatrice thought she heard an audible dinosaur gulp from behind her.

"Time travel again?" asked Georgina. She scrunched up her face and bit her lip. "What's with you and time travel?"

"Oh, Georgie," said Bernard. He tapped his foot and readjusted his bookbag again. "You KNOW I'm inventing a time machine."

"Oh, of COURSE, how silly of me to forget." Georgina reached out a slim hand and tussled Bernard's mop of dirty blond hair. He swatted her hand away and crossed his arms defiantly, scowling at his sister. She tickled him in one armpit and before he squirmed away, Beatrice saw one side of his mouth reach up for a smile. Georgina must have noticed it too, because she lunged after Bernard and started tickling him even more. He started laughing and fell back against the step railing, trying to fight off his sister's long arms, to no avail.

"Geor --," he gasped. "Georgina, STOP IT." His face was red with laughter. He looked almost angry, but anyone looking in his eyes could tell he was having a good time.

"OK, OK," said Georgina. "But don't be such a sourpuss."

"I am not a sourpuss," said Bernard. "I just get cross sometimes."

"Sourpuss."

"Puke brain!" Bernard shouted, and started running down the sidewalk.

"Oh, now you've done it," shouted Georgina, and took off after him. Bernard put his whole body into the run, stretching his skinny legs and pumping his arms vigorously. His backpack lifted in the air with each step he took, then slammed back down on his lower back. He grasped one of the straps with one hand and the other arm started pumping even harder. His shoelaces, untied, flopped against the sidewalk as each shoe slapped the ground. Beatrice was afraid he was going to trip over his runaway shoelaces, but her fear lifted when she realized he was running so fast he actually appeared to be floating above the ground. She'd never seen anyone run so fast, or so gracefully.

Until she looked at Georgina, and she realized that Georgina seemed to be putting no effort into her running. Her willowy arms barely moved from their crooked position at her sides, and her long legs ate up the sidewalk. Her auburn hair floated behind her like a cape and if Beatrice was completely honest with herself, Georgina did resemble a bit of a superhero. Faster than a speeding bullet, indeed.

"Perhaps you want to catch up," whispered Bill from her. Bill nudged her with his snout (she thought) and she took off. She wasn't nearly as fast, or as graceful, as Bernard and Georgina, but she caught up with them once they stopped for breath. Actually, they weren't breathing that hard for having just run full-out for so long. She couldn't help but be a bit jealous of their superior running skills, but she was fairly certain they didn't have their own time-traveling dinosaur.

"You guys are so fast!" said Beatrice, once she'd caught her breath. "I'm glad you stopped, I'd have never caught up."

"Yeah, you're pretty slow," said Bernard.

"Bernard!" scolded Georgina. "Don't be rude to our new friend."

"YOUR new friend," Bernard muttered. Georgina shook her head and smiled.

"He's a bit grumpy because we haven't had our snacks yet," she explained. "Would you like to come over? And we can go to the London Eye after tea?" Beatrice frowned. Bill was not going to be happy, but she couldn't discuss this with him at the moment, and her new friends would think it odd if she decided not to go with them.

"Sure, I'd love to," said Beatrice. She felt Bill stomp the ground behind her. She knew he wasn't angry that she was going to tea, but that he wouldn't be able to partake in the biscuits they'd probably be eating. She thought that was probably a good thing. He'd been getting a little chunky on his nearly-all-biscuit diet, so chunky that his vest didn't button and every time they time-traveled, she was afraid he wouldn't be able to work up the momentum.

"Do you live far from here?" asked Beatrice. It wasn't that she didn't want to go to tea with her new friends, but she was worried that they wouldn't have time to go to the London Eye before she and Bill had to go back home. If she wasn't home by supper, her parents would worry. They were going out tonight, of course, but they thought it important that she eat at the same time each day, even though they rarely ate with her.

"Not far," said Georgina. She motioned toward a grove of trees. "We live just beyond that park up there."

"Of course, if you don't have time to come over, we understand," said Bernard. "We'll be sad, but we'll get over it."

"Bernard!" shouted Georgina. "Stop being such a little butthead."

"I'm not!" Bernard glared up at his sister. "But why do you always invite random strangers over to our house? You know mum and dad don't like it."

"Well, mum and dad aren't home, now are they?" Georgina crossed her arms. "Please be nice."

"Are you sure it's alright for me to come over?" asked Beatrice. "Your parents won't be angry?"

"Oh, don't worry," said Georgina. "They're out of town. Our nanny is the only one home right now and she doesn't mind visitors. She loves them, actually."

"Great!" Beatrice smiled. "Shall we go, then? I hope we have time for the London Eye, still."

"Oh, we do," said Beatrice. "Don't you worry about that."

The trio (and an invisible Bill) began walking at a casual pace. The wind was blowing gently and Beatrice pulled her long hair back into a ponytail, fastening it all together with the hair tie she always had on her wrist for just such occasions. Her hair was always in her face and it drove her mother bonkers. She often threatened to cut it all off, but Beatrice got her to relent and let her hair stay long by crying about how she didn't want to look like a boy. Her mother never had the energy to argue with her for long.

Soon Bernard tired of their casual pace and picked up speed. This time Georgina, instead of running after him to catch up, hung back with Beatrice. Beatrice was glad, because (and she would never admit this to Bill) time travel tired her quite a bit more than she'd like. She always intended to stay awake for days and days on their time traveling trips, but she tired after just a few hours. She was happy to be taking a break at Georgina's, even if it meant eating up precious London Eye time.

"I don't know why he always insists on running everywhere," said Georgina. "He always gets so tired afterward. I swear, if we'd let him to go bed right after school, he would go willingly."

"That's so funny . . . Georgina?" Beatrice began.

"Yes, Beatrice?"

"Why weren't you in school today? You picked Bernard up from school, but why weren't you already there?" Beatrice asked.

"Well, why weren't you in school, Beatrice?" Georgina asked. Beatrice gulped. She had no good answer for this, not even knowing the name of the schools here in the future, or what time they released students.

"I asked you first," said Beatrice.

"OK, fine. The reason I wasn't in school was because I needed to meet you on your way into town," she said.

"But . . . you didn't even know me before I met you this afternoon," said Beatrice.

"Oh, Beatrice. My nanny told me you were coming," she said.

"But how could she possibly know that?" asked Beatrice.

"Because she's Bill's sister."

Beatrice stopped right there in the middle of the sidewalk. Bill bumped into her and she almost fell over, but she regained her footing. She was ready to run the opposite direction and she could tell Bill was, too.

"Calm down, Beatrice, it's not a big deal. Tell Bill not to uninvisible himself yet, though . . . don't want to cause a scene here in the middle of the street," said Georgina.

"Hang on a second!" shouted Beatrice. "I have some questions, you know."

"I know you do, Beatrice, but they'll have to wait until we get to my house," said Georgina. "Betty is waiting and she gets very cross when we're late. Especially since she knows you and Bill are on the way."

"What if Bill doesn't want to see Betty? Did you ever think of that?" asked Beatrice.

"I do want to see Betty," said Bill from behind her. It was always strange to hear a voice come from nowhere, no matter how many times she heard it. "It's been so long."

"Hello, Bill," said Georgina. "Nice to meet you sort of."

"Likewise, dear," said Bill, and Beatrice just bet he was bowing. "Shall we get moving? Your charming little brother must be there already."

"Good idea," said Georgina. "Let's get going."

Sunday, November 23, 2008

annyong

Dear Internets,

I am sleepy. It was an eventful weekend and I need a nap. So instead of writing anything, you should watch this clip. Actually, I wish you'd watched it a couple of years ago on TV so the show wouldn't have gotten canceled, but you know . . . whatever. I forgive you.

Pushing Daisies, though. I can't forgive you for not watching that.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

couple things

  • BW3's Wild sauce? Very spicy. Also, makes my tummy hurt. But I'd totally eat it again because OH MY GOD YUM
  • I still remember college drinking games
  • Heidi made up her own drinking game and it was way better than any other game I've ever played
  • My voice is scratchy today from all the yelling and laughing last night
  • I'm excited to do it all over again tonight
Happy Saturday, Internets. I have to go get ready for a wedding now.

Friday, November 21, 2008

It's a good day, too. I'm wearing my mustard shirt.

OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS, I'm so excited. I wish work was over. Unfortunately, it's not. Not even close. But whatever, we have beloved friends visiting tonight and there will be food and drinking and FUN, but hopefully no bar fights*.

Did you know it snowed yesterday? Well, it snowed yesterday and everyone forgot how to drive. Heidi explained to me that it's because a lot of people in Ohio are Republicans and Republicans are bad drivers. I never knew I was a Republican. Zing! Anyway.

Last night, while I was waiting for Heidi to get home, I did a bit of cleaning for our guests. Nothing extravagant like cleaning the bathroom (crazy), but vacuuming and cleaning Phoebe's litter box so it didn't smell like poo. Did I tell you I bought Phoebe a fancy, new litter box? It's one of those that has a little walkway and it's all inside an igloo, because I was tired of seeing her poo. Because, see, she doesn't always cover it up very well. Wow, anyway. I bought her this new one and I think she was really confused, because for a while, she wouldn't use it. So I took the lid off of it for a couple of days and then she used it and then I put the lid back on, but I wasn't sure if she was using it because she's not very smart. Maybe she just thought if the lid was on, the place to poo went away. You will never believe how happy I was yesterday when I lifted the lid and saw a bunch of turds. Joe called soon afterward and I was all, "Guess what! Phoebe pooped in her litter box!" and he was like, "Great, I just called to tell you about the CD I just found OK bye!"

You know, I think that's the greatest story I've ever told on a blog EVER. Speaking of blogging, today marks my fifth anniversary of blogging. Not just on this blog, though. Also here and here. Good times. Oh, shit, I guess it was yesterday. Oops.

Where was I? OK, so I cleaned a bit. Not as much as I should have. This is what we did last night instead of cleaning our apartment for our beloved friends:

  • went to Starbucks and got hot chocolate (OH MY GOD YUM)
  • went to Target, where I spent a bajillion dollars on toiletries and such
  • went to Papa Murphy's to use a coupon and buy delicious pizza
  • discussed a text message to send a boy
  • watched 30 Rock
  • watched Ugly Betty
  • watched The Office
  • watched more 30 Rock
  • oh, and planted seeds for a tiny Christmas tree
tiny Christmas tree

Target Dollar Spot strikes again! I hope it grows big and strong by Christmas. Joe made fun of me (standard) for buying a tiny Christmas tree, but when Heidi and I are rich because of our Christmas tree farm, he's gonna be so jealous.

*fun fact: I found this entry by searching my blog posts for "bar police mom"

Thursday, November 20, 2008

If I advance any higher in this company, then this would be my career. And well, if this were my career I'd have to throw myself in front of a train.

I often worry that I'm not a good enough person. I think I'm a good person, despite all the cursing and the talk about punching babies. After all, it's mostly all talk. I'd never punch a baby in the face, unless I traveled back in time somehow and punched Baby Hitler in the face, but he's totally asking for it. No, I don't worry that I'm not a good person, I worry that I'm not a good ENOUGH person. I worry that I'm not living up to my full potential, and that, even though I volunteer a couple days a month, I feel like I could be doing more for people.

I got kind of bummed this morning. It's becoming more and more obvious that, once we've converted all of our software and our company is officially taken over by the new one, my job will be all but obsolete. The thought of not having this job anymore doesn't really depress me, the thought of having NO job depresses me. This job is not as challenging as I thought it'd be when I started, or maybe I've gone as far as I can here, so the whole losing-my-job thing would be a good thing. Except, that not-having-any-money thing would kind of suck. And finding a new job has been a lot harder than I thought it would be. I mean, HELLO, why do they not recognize that I have super awesome skills (not just mean internet-surfing skills) and ALSO I would entertain them with funny stories and sarcastic comments on a daily basis, MUCH like a class clown. Or court jester. One of those.

A lot of the times, I think about doing something and then come up with a long list of reason why NOT to do it. I would like to stop this. The next time someone says they're having a James Bond movie night and I have a math test the next day (wtf?) I'm going to say, "Fuck the math, I'll be there." And the next time I see a job and think, "That sounds awesome, but I'm not sure I'm qualified," I'm going to say, "Fuck the qualifications, I'm applying anyway."

If they call me for an interview, though, I'm going to try not to say fuck in front of them.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

they call me The Jackal

Did you know that Thanksgiving is next week? Well, Thanksgiving is next week. I'm not doing anything crazy this Thanksgiving, like running a race or driving 896 hours to DC, because I'm working the day after Thanksgiving. I'm OK with this (no, I'm not fuckshitdamn). I am, however, attempting the unimaginable. I'm cooking something for Thanksgiving dinner.

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

Alright, FINE, I'm only making the green bean casserole. And for some reason my mom already bought all the ingredients, so I just have to go over and mix them all together. I realize green bean casserole is like, the easiest thing EVER to make, but last time I asked if I could make anything, I was put in charge of bringing the rolls. Bring them I did, and they were delicious, but I wanted a bit more responsibility this year, especially since I will most likely end up eating at least half of the mashed potatoes.

Speaking of food, I forgot it's the time of year where I eat nonstop. Crap. Like, yesterday, we had a carry in for someone's birthday. I brought macaroni salad (bought, not made), and there were deviled eggs and appetizers and fruit and BBQ chicken and OH MY GOD the best broccoli cheese soup I have ever had in my entire life. Today my boss is ordering pizza for lunch and I'm going to try and avoid it since I had pizza for dinner last night, but if it's really good pizza, I'm not sure I'll be able to. There are also leftover bagels and muffins that we stole from the IT department's meeting yesterday. What, it's not like they were going to eat it. They don't even eat. They survive on coffee and cigarettes.

My point is, I picked a bad week to forget to work out. (Forget, heh.) So I should probably do that tonight. And tomorrow. And then it's the weekend, so all bets are off, because my friends will be here and, this is just a guess, but I think they'll want to do all manner of unhealthy things, what with the eating good food and drinking good booze and . . . that's pretty much it. I'll barely have time to sleep, let alone work out. Please. Priorities, people.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

If I were joking, you'd be laughing. Do you look like you're laughing?

Yesterday morning, I had this conversation with my boss:

Boss: How was your weekend?
Me: Good. Yours?
Boss: Oh, fine. I love your hair color.
Me: Thanks?
Boss: Is that your natural color?
Me: Yeah.
Boss: It's very pretty. I used to have pretty hair like that.

Does that sound weird? What if I told you my boss was a man? I mean, I'd be lying if I said that, but it would be weird, right? If my boss was a man? And told me I had pretty hair? Anyway. Moving on.

This morning, there were some of those tiny, chocolate donuts sitting on the counter. This counter is where all the free-for-all food goes. Some mornings there is banana bread! Other mornings there are muffins. Sometimes a bag of McDonald's breakfast sandwiches is sitting there and SOME MORNINGS a bag of chocolate chip cookies is sitting there. Like yesterday. Yesterday there were chocolate chip cookies. When there are cookies on the counter in the morning, we call them breakfast cookies and eat them for breakfast and since we call them breakfast cookies they are healthy. It's true. SCIENCE.

Right, so, there were tiny donuts. And I had no idea where they came from and I don't even particularly LIKE these tiny, chocolate donuts (the taste, it has a hint of plastic) but I ate one anyway. And then it occurred to me. I had no idea who'd put the donuts there. No one ever knows where the food on the free-for-all counter comes from. These donuts could have been planted by an evil evil-doer planning to do evil by...I don't know, poisoning the HR department. That'd be pretty evil. Plus, lots of people want to poison us right now on account of it's open enrollment and IT'S ALL OUR FAULT THAT BENEFITS COST SO MUCH. Ahem. Then I decided I didn't really care if the food was poisoned and had another donut.

You guys, this is the longest week ever and I know I say that every week but this time I mean it. I have volunteering tonight and at some point this week I really need to get an oil change (my car needs lubed something fierce) and I need to get a wedding card because, oh, did I tell you? I'm going to another wedding this weekend! This is good, though, because lots and lots of friends are going, too, and faraway friends are coming to visit and this doesn't happen nearly often enough. I may need all of next week to recover from their visit, so it's a good thing that A) next week is Thanksgiving week and B) I did not do anything stupid like agree to run a 5 mile race at 8 AM. It's not often I make good decisions, so I'm relishing the one I made to NOT run for a while. Especially since I think Jillian Michaels fucked up my knee.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Guitar Hero: World Tour vs. Rock Band

I briefly discussed my feelings about Rock Band vs. World Tour the other day, but Shari is asking me to make a decision (dammit!) because she is tasked with choosing one AND ONLY ONE to buy for her kids for Christmas. This is difficult, because, well, I've only played World Tour once. But I'll do my best. Keep in mind, I am not an expert, I just really enjoy pretending I'm in a rock band. And I did some research, both HANDS ON and also with the whole reading thing.

First, let's discuss the track lists.

Rock Band: These plus five others, "Roxanne" by The Police, "Roam" by the B-52s, "Dirty Little Secret" by the All-American Rejects, "Don't Look Back in Anger" by Oasis, and "Rockaway Beach" by The Ramones. Plus, you can buy this disc of extras.

World Tour: These.

Songs from Rock Band I Couldn't Live Without: Don't Look Back in Anger, Don't Fear the Reaper, Wanted Dead or Alive, Orange Crush, Say it Ain't So, Creep, Here it Goes Again, Dani California

Songs from World Tour I Couldn't Live Without: No Sleep Til Brooklyn, Livin' on a Prayer, One Way or Another, Hotel California, The Wind Cries Mary, Beat It, Float On, The Joker, Eye of the Tiger

Advantage: TIE

Now, let's talk about instruments.

Rock Band: When you buy Rock Band, you get a set of drums (plus drumsticks, obviously), a guitar, and a microphone. Here's the kicker. If you already have a guitar, say, for regular old Guitar Hero, it doesn't work with Rock Band which is a total fucking ripoff. I have strong feelings about this. I realize they are two separate game systems and are in competition with one another, but if that's the case then Rock Band should come with two guitars. Or a guitar and a bass, if you will. Because, you see, Rock Band costs $180 or so. Anyway. The drum kit has four different colored pads, as well as a pedal. I'm not sure what the pads are made of, but they are really loud when you hit them. I suppose you don't NEED to hit them as hard as I do, but I feel like the true drumming experience calls for enthusiastic drumming, yes? Yes. You can buy drum silencers, but you just spent a billion dollars on this game, do you really want to spend more?

World Tour: The World Tour kit comes with a set of drums, a guitar, and a microphone, just like Rock Band, BUT if you already have a guitar for Guitar Hero, it works for World Tour as well. However, hopefully you have enough Wiimotes for all the instruments. You'll need one for the drums, one for the microphone, and one for each guitar. So plan ahead. I'd say it's kind of a bummer to have to buy extra Wiimotes, but if you have a lot of people playing any game on the Wii, it's nice to have extras Wiimotes and nunchucks. Also! The drums are much quieter when you hit them, plus there are cymbals.

Advantage: World Tour

Both games are fairly easy to play, with varying degrees of difficulty. You can play on Easy, Medium, Hard, or Expert on Rock Band. I believe it's the same on World Tour, except they have a Beginner function that's even easier than Easy. Which is pretty damn easy, I have to say.

Advantage: World Tour

The overall experience is really the important thing, but that's where I have a bit of trouble because I've only played World Tour once.

Rock Band: Basically, you create a rock band (duh), name it, and go on tour. Songs are split into groups of four (I think) and you have to beat three out of four to move onto the next group. Also, there are bonus songs. I've never played until you get to the very end, but I'm assuming you get showered with money and naked ladies or something. You can play the game with just the drums, singer, and guitar, but it's really more fun with guitar and bass because more people can play. This means, of course, buying that extra guitar.

World Tour: Same as Rock Band, really, only you play gigs. Each gig has two songs. With both Rock Band and World Tour, once you open up the songs, you can play them whenever you want. Again, the nice thing about World Tour is you don't have to worry about buying an extra guitar (if you already have one for Guitar Hero), so more people can play and it's win-win-win all around. Plus, the drums are way better.

Advantage: World Tour

VERDICT: It looks like World Tour is the winner, based on the above. After we played World Tour on Friday, I was still partial to Rock Band, but the more I think about it and the more I look into it, it seems like World Tour is the way to go. If someone gave me $200 bucks and I had to buy one or the other RIGHT NOW, I'd buy World Tour. At least until they come out with a new and improved version of Rock Band. Really, it's just a matter of preference. Both are excellent games that will give you hours and hours of fun times (or keep your kids occupied for hours and hours, leaving you alone to have your own hours and hours of fun times).

Sunday, November 16, 2008

WARNING: this is written by Joe. Not Jennie. It could get confusing, is all. You'll see.

So I don't know about you, Internets, but this weekend has been pretty spectacular. Friday night, Heidi and I went to a slumber party at our friend, Nancy's. That's right, a SLUMBER PARTY. We played Rock Band and the new Guitar Hero and I totally rocked the shit out of the Bon Jovi classic, "Livin' On A Prayer." Seriously. It was epic. I almost lost my voice in the process, but it was worth it. Anything for the Rock Band. After we were done with that, we all (there were many of us, not just Heidi and I and Nancy) stripped down to our underwear and whispered secrets in each other's ears (Whitney told me the dirtiest thing I will ever hear in my life). Then we practiced french kissing before having a tickle fight and passing out in each other's arms. Also, we'd been drinking a lot. It was awesome-tastic.

On Saturday, Joe and I hung out and played Guitar Hero until our fingers cramped up, which for me was not long, but GUESS WHAT! I got a PERFECT SCORE on the song "My Name is Jonas" by Weezer. IT WAS AMAZING. Here, I'll prove it to you:

triumph!

See? It was so amazing that we took a picture of it. Then we went to Los Tres Amigos (which is Spanish for 'The Three Amigos') for dinner. Sadly, Steve Martin, Chevy Chase, and Martin Short were not there, but there was a girl there at the table next to ours who was doing tequila shots. By herself. With her dinner. She was with a friend, but her friend was not drinking. It was incredibly weird, and very entertaining. Also, they were talking about Futurama for some reason. Yeah, we eavesdropped. What, you got a problem with that? I thought not. After dinner we went back to Joe's apartment and watched Edward Scissorhands, which Joe had never seen and which we both thoroughly enjoyed.

This afternoon I had a pile of laundry on my bed, and Phoebe curled up into a ball in the middle of it, and it was adorable, and Phoebe doesn't do adorable things very often (usually she just pees on your bed and then looks at you like you were asking for it), so I took a picture of that, too. If you're good I'll share it with you. Okay, you're good, I'll share it.

Phoebe

See? Adorable. It's moments like that that I feel bad for constantly hating her, but I only do it because I know she constantly hates me, too. We have a good relationship. Also, Joe and I have been dating for five months and two days. So yay for that.

Happy Sunday, Internets.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Long Island iced teas are way stronger in Canada

Last night, Whitney was in town which was GOOD because she lives in Chicago and we don't get to see her often enough. But she had to go back this morning to go to a bowling party for a four-year-old which is BAD on soooo many levels.

We spent our time wisely, though, drinking wine and eating Penn Station, for you see, there are no Penn Stations in Chicago so that is Whitney's food of choice whenever she's in town. This is obviously fine with me, as the young men at the Penn Station by our apartment know Heidi and I by name.

And then, of course, there was Wii. We began with Rock Band but Nancy soon wanted to open her newly purchased Guitar Hero: World Tour. We played that for a while, and I'm still not sure which I prefer: Rock Band or World Tour. The drums on World Tour are FAR, FAR superior and the songs are very good. I almost lost my voice belting out "Livin' on a Prayer" and was the only one who knew "Some Might Say," although there were technical difficulties when I tried to sing "One Way Or Another" (the microphone was plugged into the wrong hole HAHATHAT'SWHATSHESAID).

But. While the instruments on World Tour are better (the guitar has a slide thingie and I don't know how to use it or anything, but I'd imagine it'd be fun for more experienced users), I prefer the layout of the actual Rock Band game. I think I'd recommend waiting for the next wave of World Tour, whenever that may be, before buying the first version. I'm sure they'll be making improvements.

Plus, Nancy has this WHOLE OTHER Rock Band song list that included "More Than a Feeling" and "All the Small Things." Hello, that's awesome.

I didn't mean for this to turn into a commercial for Wii, but I can't help it. Sorry, but deal with it. It's Saturday, what do you want from me? I managed to do a load of laundry so far today PLUS ALSO enroll in my benefits for next year. This is good, because we're running a report at work on Monday to see what lazy employees haven't enrolled yet, and I'd hate to be the only slacker HR lackey on there. Close call.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go make a grilled cheese sandwich and then maybe JUST MAYBE play some Guitar Hero. Good day to you, Internets.

I SAID GOOD DAY.

Friday, November 14, 2008

I don't even know, you guys

You know, earlier I was looking at my shoes and I realized they look sort of like Pilgrim shoes. Like, if I was going to dress up like a Pilgrim, and I could only use materials that I already owned, I would definitely wear these shoes. You might be asking yourself, "But Jennie, why would you ever want to dress up like a Pilgrim?" and I am here to tell you . . . I don't know. But I'm sure there are occasions to dress up like Pilgrim. Let's see. There's Halloween, for sure. I know Halloween is over, but it's never too early to start planning for next year. Or perhaps your family is totally weird and you dress up like Pilgrims and Indians for Thanksgiving. That could be fun, actually, but make sure it's accurate. After the Thanksgiving meal, you should kill a couple of the Indians by giving them smallpox or something. Just make sure one of your least favorite relatives dresses up like an Indian. That way you wouldn't have to listen to Uncle Bob's stories about his spastic colon at Christmas, and that's beneficial to everyone.

You know, I actually have dressed up like a Pilgrim before. We had Pioneer Day once in 6th grade and I realize those aren't EXACTLY the same thing, but I'm not sure my teacher knew that. I distinctly remember making Pilgrim hats, and then wearing a long, flowy skirt and a really uncomfortable button-up shirt, so no one would think I was a witch (read: whore) and burn me at the stake. That would be uncomfortable.

ACTUALLY, I think my shoes look more like witch shoes. Plus, I have on striped socks, just like the Wicked Witch of the East wore when she got crushed by Dorothy's flying house. And I'm sort of mean, so it totally fits.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Five Movie Monsters That Have Given Me Nightmares

1. Reavers from Firefly/Serenity

I had a nightmare about them last night, actually. They are sort of like zombies, except they're still alive and they can fly spaceships and also they rape you. Basically, they're really fucking scary. Here is an explanation. WARNING: clip contains spoilers.

2. Gremlins from, duh, Gremlins

I realize this is not a particularly scary movie, but when it was released, I was two years old. My parents rented it at some point when I was very, very young and for some reason let me watch it and it gave me nightmares for years. Like, I was convinced they lived under my bed, but only when the lights were turned off.

3. gremlin thingie from Cat's Eye

Again, this movie isn't scary, but I saw it when I was really young and it warped me for life. I think that, basically, this family takes in a cat and the mom hates it because she thinks cats steal your breath (what?) and she thinks this cat is stealing her daughter's breath or something (again, huh?) BUT it turns out that what's really happening is that this gremlin thing comes in through the wall and steals the girl's breath. The cat fights it, though, proving that cats are not, in fact, always evil.

4. Zombies from, um, any zombie movie

You know this. I mean LOOK.

5. tiny gremlin things from The Gate

I don't remember much about this movie, except these kids dig a huge hole or something in their backyard and evil things from the Hellmouth come out and try and sacrifice them or something. I don't know where the parents are. The only other thing I remember is that, at one point, an eyeball grows in this kid's hand and he stabs it with a piece of glass. That whole movie fucked me up. I saw it when I was like 8 WHY I DON'T KNOW. Hey LOOK, here's a clip. Wow, that movie looks awful. I kind of want to see it again.

BONUS: This isn't from a movie, but I used to have nightmares about pandas. They lived under my bed and would reach up from under, and they had glowing red eyes and long, sharp claws. Yeah, I don't know why.

So, basically, it seems like I mostly have a problem with zombies, zombie-like creatures, and gremlins. Good to know.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

fake it til you make it

I had to take a math test this morning. And then I got a flu shot. BEST. DAY. EVER. There was also an aptitude test (not attitude, unfortunately) and that part was fine. "What letter comes next in this sequence?" they asked. "Q!" I shouted. The test administrator asked me not to shout during the testing process. Then during the math portion, he asked me to stop crying and throwing things.

I was in all the smart math classes in school, but I never really understood what I was doing. I have a good memory so I'd memorize how all the homework problems were done, and then I'd skate through the tests with my sweet memorization skills. But I had no idea WHY you multiplied the square root of your butt by X. It's sort of like when you teach a little kid to swear. Sure, they can pronounce the words correctly but they don't know what they're doing. And unless you show them how, they'll never know how to combine those swear words for maximum hilarity (see: poohead buttshits).

Last night, I missed watching James Bond (in Blu Ray, which is apparently better than HD, but I wouldn't know, wah wah) because I needed to go over the test math problems they'd provided. These are the text messages I sent as I tried to work the problems:

I can't do math and I'm getting frustrated! (this was to Joe, who edits math textbooks, and who came over to help me when I threatened to cry)

I HAVE TO TAKE A MATH TEST TOMORROW AND I CAN'T REMEMBER ALGEBRA.

Math is a fuckstick.


And as I sat there with my head in my hands, trying to set the fake test on fire with my eyes, I was reminded of all those weeknights my dad would sit with me and help me with my math homework. I'd get frustrated then, too. I get frustrated with anything I can't do perfectly right away THEREFORE I get frustrated a lot. Here is how most of those evenings would go:

Me: UUUGGHHHH! THIS IS STUPID.
Dad: What's wrong?
Me: I can't do this problem!
Dad: Let me show you how to do it.
Me: I don't need help!
Dad: Jennie . . .
Me: Fine.
Dad: See, you do this and this and blah blah blah the answer is 6.
Me: I don't get it AND I'M NEVER GOING TO USE THIS.
Dad: Yes, you will.
Me: Math sucks.
Dad: I know.
Me: Waaaaaaaaaah.
Dad: Try this one.
Me: OK.
Dad: There, see, you did it.

And then I'd try another one and start crying when I couldn't figure it out. I felt confident that I'd never, ever need algebra again and I would yell and yell about that instead of actually doing the problem, while my dad would explain that YES, YES I WOULD NEED ALGEBRA STOP BEING SUCH A WHINY BRAT. It turns out we were both right (about the math part, only my dad was right about the whiny brat part). I haven't really needed math since college. Until now, when I needed it this morning AND IT WASN'T THERE. Plus, they wouldn't let me use a calculator. What kind of fucked up shit is that?

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

just in cases

I don't want to forget to tell you guys about this when I SURELY remember to blog FOR REALSIES later today, but OH MY GOD YOU GUYS, look at this:

CLICK THIS NOW. Seriously.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Did you hear that? That was my mind blowing.

You guys. I just got gas for under $20! And my car was on empty! Sure, my car is tiny and the total was $19.19 but last time I checked, $19.19 is still under $20, so suck it, haters.

I don't know why, but ever since the time changed, I've been wanting to go to bed earlier and earlier. Like, the other night, I looked outside and saw it was all dark and thought, "I should get ready for bed soon." It was 7:30.

Today has been a good day, food-wise. And since it's Monday and I'm at work, I would like to focus on the food goodness, not the work suckness. One of my coworkers likes to get up at the asscrack of dawn and bake before work. This is completely unreal to me. I get out of bed no earlier than I absolutely have to. I've tried, but it makes me want to die. Even at my old job, there were days I wouldn't have to be at work until like 11 or noon, and I'd still sleep as late as possible. I'd just stay up later. I'm a night owl. Hooooo hoooooooo. Wow. Although, seeing as how I'm trying to go to bed at 7:30, maybe I'm less of a night owl and more of a Rip Van Winkle. Or something. I don't know.

Aaaaanyway, so this lady brought in pumpkin bread this morning. It was delicious, although at first, I thought it was banana bread so that first bite was all sorts of confusing. Sort of like when you think you have a glass of water in front of you, but you take a drink and it's straight vodka. It happens. I saw it once.

Then I remembered that it's Free Cookie Monday at Subway, so that's what I'm doing right now. Free cookies taste so much better than cookies you have to pay for. It's economics or something.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

bloo dee bloo bloo

Every time I turn on TV Land, Third Rock from the Sun is on. It's bizarre. Isn't TV Land only supposed to show, like, I Love Lucy 24 hours a day?

I made up for all my productivity yesterday, what with the book-buying and the working out and the showering, by doing absolutely nothing today. I did manage to shower, but only because I'm supposed to go to dinner with Joe and his parents and a bit, and I didn't want to smell like booze.

The bachelorette party ended up being more bachelorette-y than we'd initially expected. The bride had said she didn't want to be out really late, so Heidi and I were expecting to be home somewhat early. This didn't happen, and as Heidi and I were halfway through our second pitcher, we realized that neither one of us could drive us back home. And so . . .

Joe to the rescue! Seriously, if anyone has any doubts that Joe is the nicest guy ever, he proved you wrong last night. You jerk. He drove 35 minutes to go pick us up at our old college bar, which was quickly turning into dance party central (there was even a line outside . . . and if you've seen this bar, you know how ridiculous that is), and then he drove us home while Heidi and I talked and giggled constantly (and loudly) the entire ride back.

I'm pretty sure Joe and I had this conversation a couple of times:

Me: Do I smell like smoke?
Joe: No, you smell like booze.
Me: So I don't smell like smoke?
Joe: No. You definitely smell like alcohol.
Me: Good. You're sure I don't smell like smoke?

So you see why showering was so important today. Now I should probably go get dressed. Bye, Internets. I hope you're having a good weekend.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

I want to live in Effington

I feel like I've been so productive today. And it's only three! What other productivity lies in store for me today? No one knows! Except I do. Here is what I've done so far:
  • Went to the market for breakfast
  • Went to a book fair
  • Got my hair cut
  • Worked out
  • showered
OK, I'm working on the shower. And later! Lampl, Heidi, and I will venture to our old stomping grounds to partake in beer! And possibly shots! Because it's a bachelorette party, and there always seem to be shots there. Also penises. And after that, who knows.

The market was way fun. We had pancakes and coffee. See:

pancakes

The pancakes were free! With donation, anyway. Which is basically free. Then we saw a guy spinning pots. See:

potter guy

It was very cool and I could have stood there all day and watched him, only then I wouldn't have gotten anything else done.

Then. THEN we went to the book fair. You guys, it was in this giant auditorium filled with tables! And the tables were filled with books! I would have taken a picture, only at first I was too excited and after a while my arms were too full of books to get my phone out. I sort of want to go back, because I feel like I missed buying a bunch of stuff I should probably buy. Like, right now I'm regretting not buying all of those old Berenstein Bears books. Sigh.

Friday, November 7, 2008

I got nothing

I felt bad about only posting the suck it letter today, so here is a video to melt your heart all over the damn place.

In other news, I can access the YouTubes at work now. What crazy world have I stumbled into?

You should check out The Collective sometime today. They're talking about poop cheese in the comments.

Dear job,

Suck it.

No love,

Jennie

Thursday, November 6, 2008

deep thoughts

I've been watching a lot of TV lately. Here's the thing, though, I haven't really been watching that much NEW TV. It's mostly been TV shows on DVD, which is so much easier than watching stuff live. Not that TiVo lets us watch anything live anyway. Not when we can PAUSE REAL TIME MWAAHAAHAA!

Ahem. It's not to say I haven't still been watching new shows. Although I'm still behind on 30 Rock, I'm caught up on Pushing Daisies. And The Office.

(sidebar: Did The Office rip off 30 Rock last week? With Dwight wearing all the Cornell stuff? Like that dude wore the Harvard stuff on 30 Rock? I haven't actually seen that episode of 30 Rock so I'm not sure.)

I think I'm also behind on How I Met Your Mother. Um. I think that's all I watch. Until Lost starts, but even on that front, I'll totally watch the reruns if I catch them. I was watching it the other night and it was when they introduced the Tailies and I was all, "OMG, remember SHANNON?" and how she was banging Sayid? It was right after Boone died. I don't really remember. Anyway. Here are the shows I've been watching on DVD and also some thoughts:

Pushing Daisies: I was watching the new ones and Season 1 simultaneously, so I kept getting a bit confused about what happened when, but OH MY GOD YOU GUYS. I love this show. It makes me happy on my insides. I love every aspect of it, except that Ned and Chuck can't touch, yeah yeah yeah I KNOW that's important blah blah whatever. It doesn't stop me from loving the show, though, because you guys? There is a dog named Digby. And he is so cute. And when Kristen Chenowith made friends with a pig, she named it Pigby. How could you not love a show like that?

Chuck: I find this show enjoyable, but it frustrates me on a couple levels. I think, for the most part, the characters are all unique and hilarious and fun to watch. With the exception of one person, and that person is Sarah. This is a problem because she's like...one of the main characters. I don't really get why Chuck is all in love with her, because she's SO BLAND. Yeah, she's hot and could probably kill someone with her pinky, but YAAAAAAAAAWN. Also, and maybe this is because I watched the show all at once, I got so sick of the "will they won't they" Chuck/Sarah storyline. I know this is ridiculous, because that's half the reason I loved Alias so much, but...yeah, I think it's Sarah's fault. This one time Summer was on the show as Chuck's love interest and I really liked her. Because she had a personality. Anyway, if you ignore Sarah for the most part, the show is really good.

Firefly: I LOVED THIS SHOW. It was so fun. It was like cowboy pirates in space. I don't have much to say about this show, other than once we'd finished it and after we'd watched Serenity, I was sad there wasn't more to watch.

Sports Night: I've actually seen all of these episodes before, back when it was on TV all ahead of its time. I enjoy it. I heart the 90s fashions and it makes me wish Felicity Huffman's talent wasn't being wasted over on the set of Desperate Housewives. Get out, Felicity! Get out while you can!

The West Wing: Maybe it was because I was all inspired after the election, I don't know, but last night I really wanted to watch The West Wing. I never watched it when it was on because...I don't know. I forgot. I wish I'd watched it, though, IT'S AMAZING. I can see how it was a welcome escape through the Bush years. Jed Bartlet...that man gives good speech.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

oh, what a beautiful morning

Good morning, Internets!

Four years ago, I woke up and immediately wanted to go back to sleep for four more years. This morning I'm exhausted from staying up to watch Obama speak and ALSO I was too excited to go to sleep, but I'm ecstatic. I've never voted for a winning president before. It feels nice.

As I was getting ready, I turned on CNN, just in cases, and poked my head out of my bedroom to talk to Heidi.

Me: Psst!
Heidi: Yeeees?
Me: Barack Obama still won.
Heidi: Oh good, I didn't dream it.
Me: I know. I turned on the news to make sure it wasn't a beautiful, beautiful dream.

Text messages I received last night:

I'm voting!

I'M SO EXCITED!

I am not joking when I say there is dancing in the streets of DC.

I am crying so hard.

Holey moley!

Whoo!


I think "Whoo!" sums it up nicely. Happy Wednesday.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

liveblogging the election: bedtime

Jon Stewart told me the good news, and CNN and John McCain confirmed it. I'm going to bed and hoping for no hanging-chad-like surprises come morning.

Wow. Just . . . wow.

liveblogging the election: Fox News edition

Heidi: Brit Hume . . . or James Carville?
Me: At least James Carville is a Democrat.

I'm so glad it's almost time for the real news.

I think the real question is . . . Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert?

(Jon Stewart)

OHIO!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS OHIO IS ALL BLUE AND NOT IN THE BAD DEPRESSING WAY BUT IN THE GOOD WAY! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

This is so the opposite of last time.

Heidi: Ohio just BLUE my mind.