Here I am, all alone, wondering what went wrong. Did we ever have a chance?

You guys! I am so! excited! for the Olympics. At first I was all, "Olympics YAWN," because does it SOUND that exciting? Fuck yes, it does!

Ahem. So, yes. I'm excited for that to start tomorrow. I may get a teeny bit obsessed, so if you DON'T like the Olympics (what's wrong with you?), don't say I didn't give you fair warning.

I'll have you know that today I successfully resisted an invitation to Chipotle. I swear, the people in my office go out to lunch almost every day and I just can't do that, or I'd weigh 400 pounds and my checking account would have -400 dollars in it. Both of these things would be a problem. It makes it easier to save money when I know I have to. For instance, next weekend I'm driving to Cleveland to take part in a bachelorette party for my dear friend Amy. It didn't occur to me until just now that the only person that I will know there is Amy. The fact that I am not freaking out about this shows just how far I've come over the past couple of years. Besides, there are going to be cocktails and after a few of those, I'm everyone's friend.

I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to talk about Saved by the Bell again. No, you know what? I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry at all. This morning? It was the episode where they're all in a band and Casey Kasem is doing that Behind the Music special. AWESOME. First of all, the name of their band is Friends Forever. Worst band name ever? Possibly. Second of all, what? They're in a band? And they're famous? And where the hell is Jessie in all of this?

Whatever. I got to thinking that Saved by the Bell would have been a much better show if it had been a drama. OK, probably not, but think of the possibilities. Because, isn't Zack loaded? Come to think of it, Lisa's rich, too. And Jessie lives next door to Zack AND her dad owns a hotel, so she's got money, too. I think the only one who didn't have money was Kelly. That's why she couldn't go to the prom that one time. And had to work at The Max. So if the show had been a drama, Kelly totally would have been the outcast who got pregnant junior year and had to have an abortion. And Slater would have turned out to be gay, but he'd be afraid to tell anyone because the wrestling team wouldn't want to wrestle with him anymore. Maybe he got Kelly pregnant! To prove he wasn't gay! What a bastard.