Wednesday, August 6, 2008

You know, on the old mariners maps, the cartographers would designate uncharted territory by writing "here be monsters."

We watched the most depressing movie ever last night. Not as depressing as Gone, Baby, Gone, but still depressing. Maybe depressing is the wrong word. It was more like . . . I don't know, one of those movies that makes me lose all faith in humanity. Sort of like . . . Gone, Baby, Gone. Hmm. Maybe depressing IS the right word.

Anyway, the movie was Cassandra's Dream and it made me lose more faith in humanity than even Match Point did. Thanks, Woody Allen! Oh, and just as a warning, HERE BE SPOILERS:

So. There are these two brothers, right? Ewan McGregor and Colin Farrell. Ewan McGregor is a man-whore who wants to be all rich so he pretends he's all rich in an attempt to get into this Kate Beckinsale-y woman's knickers. Colin Farrell is a drunk who is addicted to gambling and in one night loses 90 THOUSAND POUNDS. Yeah. That's right. They have a mysterious Uncle Howard who is loaded and they decide to ask him for lots and lots of money. Which is totally cool with Howard, but he wants a little something in return this time. Nothing big. He just wants them to kill this guy who is going to testify that he is a rotten, rotten bastard. Easy, right? So, I'm thinking, "Hey, they probably won't kill that guy . . . they're not very smart, but they seem like nice boys." I should have known better. I didn't think that one dude was going to kill Scarlett Johansson either, but he totally did. People are bastards.

Anyway, so they definitely kill that guy. And Colin Farrell starts going a little crazy because I guess murdering someone isn't something you just forget about. He starts drinking and taking pills and talking about going to the police, causing Ewan to freak out more than a little. It was at this point that I looked at Joe and said, "Ewan's going to kill his brother, isn't he?" AND THEN HE TOTALLY STARTS PLANNING TO KILL HIS BROTHER. I don't like it when Ewan McGregor is a rat bastard. He ultimately stops himself from carrying out his MUUUUUUURDER plan, but then they get in a fight and both die anyway. THE END HA HA HAPPY FUN TIMES


Stephanie said...

My mom watched that, but she never talked about it. Maybe that's why. Maybe it killed part of her soul.

Joe G. said...

I really didn't know when I got it from NetFlix that it was going to make us extremely sad. Tonight we'll watch Caddyshack. Will that be better?

Fraulein N said...

See, "Match Point" made me lose all faith in movies, like after it was over I felt like, "Why the hell did I just bother to watch this, then?" Sounds like this movie is that kind of experience too, if they both just DIE in the end.

Tam said...

I felt the exact same way about Match Point, in the same way I felt about the movie Unfaithful (appropriately titled). Ugh!

Thats like $180,000! We watched The Brave One the other night, its pretty much about killing too. Jodie Foster is awesome, but well, you might need to watch it.

But sorry the saddest movie ever is PS I LOVE YOU. End of story.

Ashley said...

Thank you for warning me. I will be sure not to watch that movie, but I still want to watch Gone, Baby, Gone. What do you think of this plan, bad or good?

Heidi said...

PS I Love You is indeed the saddest movie ever. I depressed myself and Tam's cat.