Wednesday, May 28, 2008

what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man

MSN is one of my Great Work Distractions, mostly because they change the links on their page all day long. Today, one of the articles is The 75 Skills Every Man Should Master. And while I lack the proper plumbing to be a man, I decided to see how I stack up, starting with numbers 1 through 20.

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.

I'm not good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

2. Tell if someone is lying.

I can do this! Everyone is a liar. True story.

3. Take a photo.

Easy. Point camera, push button.

4. Score a baseball game.

Um. Count the runs, right?

5. Name a book that matters.

I'm sorry, I cannot take this one seriously because this is what the article said: "The Catcher in the Rye does not matter."

EXCUSE ME? The Catcher in the Rye DOES NOT MATTER?!? I'm going to assume that was a typo, otherwise fuck you, article!

6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.

I suppose I could learn more about Rivers Cuomo.

7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.

OH MY GOD, I CAN ACTUALLY DO THIS.

8. Not monopolize the conversation.

I try not to do this, unless the conversation turns to The Office, in which case I can't help myself.

9. Write a letter.

I write the shit out of letters.

10. Buy a suit.

Um.

11. Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn't count.

Can I have water wings?

12. Show respect without being a suck-up.

Eff you.

13. Throw a punch.

I don't think I've ever punched anyone, really. I've always assumed that, should I need to fight someone, my fighting skills will simply appear.

14. Chop down a tree.

I would never chop down a tree because I love them.

15. Calculate square footage.

I passed 6th grade math, so I think I'm good here.

16. Tie a bow tie.

Shit.

17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well.

Does crack juice count?

18. Speak a foreign language.

Does pig latin count?

19. Approach a woman out of his league.

Hmm, I'm beginning to see why this article doesn't really apply to me.

20. Sew a button.

Uh-oh.

To be continued (unless I forget). Anyway, how did you guys stack up?

9 comments:

Cousin Candice said...

I think I counted 14. but then I forgot while I opened up this to comment...

11 - why??
14 - does sawing a christmas tree from the tree farm count?
16 - why??
17 - gin bucket is my specialty

heather! anne! said...

Well then, what book DO they think matters?

kat! said...

this list proves why boys are effing stupid.

anyway, i can do all of it except chopping down a tree. i don't kill trees, i hug trees, and i have the button to prove it.

Jennie! said...

CC, re: number 11 - I know! Why do you need three different strokes (hee)? As long as you don't drown, I think you're OK.

h!a! They didn't say WHAT book mattered, but apparently they are Salinger-haters so now I am a Them-hater.

kat! too many people cut down trees, anyway.

matt said...

18 -- poorly.
20 -- poorly.

I'm good on the rest, though, which just proves this list is crap, as I am a runner, and everyone knows men play football and don't run.

Jennie! said...

I read the rest of the list after I wrote this, and it doesn't get any better.

'mouse said...

While other guys worry about these distractions I have honed the only skill that really matters becoming a cunning linguist.

sarah g said...

i did alright, but i did enjoy the joke. that made me laugh. one point for the article! and number 22, would not apply to me!

mysterygirl! said...

I saw this article advertised on the MSN homepage and thought to myself, this is why men don't always like woman so much. Because this has to be their idea, right? I can't do 75 different things; I can't imagine that I know a boy who can do 75 things.