Thursday, May 22, 2008

wonder suicide

You guys know how I'm a Wonder Killer, right? If not, look above this post and FEAST YOUR EYES on the banner (thanks, Kat). For, LO, that banner, it dost speaketh the truth.

You probably have your own Wonder Killer. You ask a simple question, like, "I wonder if George Clooney misses his pig?" and Wonder Killer is all, "Yes, he misses his pig quite a bit, actually. Sometimes he writes his pig letters and sends them to Heaven." Or you say, "I wonder if zombies will one day inherit the earth," and Wonder Killer pipes in with, "duh, it hath been foretold for a great many years."

Before any of us could start volunteering with grieving children, we were trained very, very carefully not to tell these kids what to do or ask them outright questions. Instead we use "I Wonder" statements. Like, if the kid is hanging from the ceiling fan, instead of screaming, "GET THE HELL DOWN, DO YOU WANT TO BREAK YOUR NECK?" you'd calmly say, "I wonder if hanging from the ceiling fan is a good idea?" You'd be surprised at how effective this is. It's like you can see the kid's thought process. I imagine it goes something like this: Hmm, I wonder it IS a good idea to hang from the ceiling fan? It sure is fun. I love hanging from stuff. Trees. Monkey bars. And definitely hanging from this ceiling fan. Why isn't she yelling at me? My mom would yell at me. If she's not gonna yell, what's the point? This isn't fun anymore, I'm getting down.

Similarly, it's not like we're going to start asking the kids stuff like, "So, were you angry when your dad died?" Because DAMN, what kid isn't going to completely clam up when faced with a question like that? Instead, we're supposed to pose it like this: "I wonder if anyone was angry when so-and-so died?" It sounds completely ridiculous, I know, but it works. Usually, we're all sitting around coloring or whatever, so if no one says anything, it's not a big deal, and if they DO want to say something . . . it's not an intimidating situation, and usually they keep talking with minimal encouragement.

The problem with these "I Wonder" statements is they're getting into my head. Not only have I become a bit of a Wonderer OUT LOUD, but my every thought is, "I wonder if I should go running tonight?" or "I wonder if I keep talking to this person, my head will explode?" I CAN'T STOP. I have to wonder kill my own wonder EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY and you know what? I'm exhausted.


Grad School Reject said...

The "wondering out loud" reminds me of the kid from About a Boy.

Also - I knew you volunteered but I didn't know what you volunteered for. You are pretty awesome.

Jennie! said...

I love that kid, if only because I also break into song sometimes without realizing it.

I feel I should also point out that no kid has ever ACTUALLY hung from the ceiling fan. But that's probably just because we don't have ceiling fans.

heather! anne! said...

Do you kill your own wonder out loud?

Jennie! said...

No, I'm afraid if I start doing that, Heidi will have me committed.

peefer said...

I'm a fan of you, baby. Hang with me.