I spent most of last night brooding, stopping every now and then to make a loud declaration of some sort while Heidi and Kelly stared at me and then went back to their conversation. It's hard to hear something about yourself that NOT ONLY do you know in the back of your mind is more than a little bit true, but it's also something that you don't so much like about yourself.
I've always been somewhat shy and slow to open up to anyone. Surrounded by new people, I fight the urge to Mr. Darcy myself in a corner somewhere with my arms folded, looking cross. It's something I struggle with in any new situation and even when I DO manage to push Mr. Darcy out of the way, I'm afraid I go a little Chandler Bing instead, throwing jokes around and deflecting personal questions with a mix of sarcasm and self-deprecation. And when THAT doesn't work, I morph into some strange creature that can only speak in movie quotes or relate everything to a TV show. I'm all, "remember that episode of Friends?" which I can only imagine is very annoying when all someone asked me was my name.
But . . . um, remember that episode of Grey's Anatomy? (Hee.) Burke and Cristina are sitting in the car and he's all, "You don't ask a lot of personal questions . . . and you're very hard to get to know," and she's like, "Yeah . . . your point?" I thought, "Hey, I don't ask a lot of personal questions . . . and I'M very hard to get to know," and I'm beginning to realize that maybe that's OK.