Thursday, June 12, 2008

fuck wank bugger shitting arse head and hole!*

I realize I probably say this every week, but this is the LONGEST. WEEK. EVER. The LONGEST. WEEK. EVER. is similar to WORST. DAY. EVER. Week, in that it lasts forever, but the days aren't as bad. My days haven't been bad at all. I mean, we've had ice cream at work the past two days and we have a luncheon with MASHED POTATOES tomorrow. Any day that includes MASHED POTATOES can't be all bad. I don't know why I keep abusing CAPS LOCK. I'm sorry. I'll stop.

I don't know if you've noticed, but it's summer now. I can tell it's summer because every time I go outside, my face melts off, which feels just as weird as you might imagine. Anyway, since it's hot as balls (what?) outside, I can't run immediately after work anymore. Well, I COULD, but I don't want to because, even though my face is nothing special, I've sort of gotten used to it so I try to avoid the "face melting" thing as much as possible. I don't want to look like that guy from Raiders of the Lost Ark. You know the one I mean. Don't pretend you haven't seen that movie 80 times. Everyone has.

Um. Right. So, I've been going running later in the evening, like around 9. Because it's still not dark yet at 9. But it's dim enough (what?) that the lightening bugs are out. I love lightening bugs. I'm a pretty simple person, really, and if I could just see lightening bugs all day long, I'd probably be in a much better mood than I normally am.

The only bad part about running this late is there are bugs EVERYWHERE. I mean, they're probably EVERYWHERE all day long, but they're worse at night. Last night, I accidentally swallowed one, because I can't run with my mouth closed because if I tried to run with my mouth closed, I wouldn't be able to breathe and then I'd fall over and die.

SIDENOTE: Right now, on the radio, THIS VERY MINUTE, they are playing "Summer Nights," from Grease. I am fighting the urge to jump on my desk and sing. I know all the words to every song in that movie AND I AM NOT ASHAMED. We all had to do something with our childhoods and I spent mine watching the same movies over and over. The end.

I could keep writing, I suppose, but I really have nothing else to tell you, Internets. Clearly. I mean, I just wrote about swallowing a bug. So I'll stop now. YOU'RE WELCOME.

(In completely unrelated news, people can be so fucking stupid. SIGH.)

(In completely awesome news, UNICORN DEER!)

(OK, I'm done)

*thank you, Heather . . . and, of course, Billy Mack

6 comments:

kat! said...

aside from last night, i am having a really terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week.

le sigh.

Jennie! said...

I'm sorry, friend. At least it's almost over. How was The National show?

matt said...

Bugs = protein. Don't worry, I get my fill too.

kat! said...

the show and company were both glorious. my only complaint is that the set was far too short.

Ashley said...

What if I told you I'd only seen Raiders 79 times? And also what if I told you that one of my friends just admitted to me that she's never seen a single Indiana Jones movie?

Also, I agree with you about the mashed potatoes. My work had them last night and they were fluffy and full of joy.

Jennie! said...

matt, so what you're saying is, I should be happy, because bugs are good for me and also they're free?

kat! isn't that always the way? Even when it's really long, I always think it's too short. That's what she said.

Ashley, mashed potatoes make any day better. Also, your friend needs to see all Indiana Jones movies immediately.