won't you be my neighbor

I find it somewhat comforting to realize that I care as much about Valentine's Day now that I'm married as I did when I was single, which is to say, very little.

I do, however, care very much about these Doctor Who Valentine's Day cards. So there's that.

A funny thing happened yesterday in Ohio and that thing was that it wasn't absolutely frigid outside. It was maybe, MAYBE, 45, but that didn't stop some silly Ohioans from running around in shorts and t-shirts. Because that's what people do on the first semi-warm day of the year and I sort of love it. I mean, I'm not going to start running around in a sundress just because it's above freezing, but it was nice to walk Max IN THE SUNSHINE and not have to wear two pairs of pants, a scarf, gloves, and a hat and yet still worry about whether the tip of my nose is going to fall off because OMG I CAN'T FEEL MY NOSE ANYMORE.

I think the warm weather made me more productive, too, because NOT ONLY did I go to the grocery, but Joe and I ran all sorts of boring errands and didn't complain about them ONCE, plus I chopped up a million vegetables so the Crock Pot could make some beef stew for us to have for dinner tonight. I love when the Crock Pot cooks for us, especially on nights when I'm not going to be home until 7:30.

Oh! I forgot to tell you guys something really important about our neighbor, who we call Poltergeist Lady, because, well, she looks like this lady. In fact, when we first moved in, she knocked on our door to introduce herself and when she left, this happened:

Me: Oh, man. I'm having really mean thoughts.
Joe: Ooh, what are they?
Me: I don't wanna say.
Joe: Is it this? "Carol Anne, Carol Anne!"
Me: OK, so at least we're both going to hell.

So that's how she got the name Poltergeist Lady. She's very nice, but we always thought her a little odd, and the other night I upgraded her status from "a little odd," to "I'm not answering the door anymore."

We had a pretty bad ice storm a couple of weeks ago, and because of this, Joe and I both worked from home. This meant I didn't shower until I "left" work, so I had just gotten out of the shower when there was a knock on the door. Joe answered (in his Superman pajama pants) and I hid in the bathroom and listened. This is what I heard:

Poltergeist Lady: Hiiiiiiii.
Joe: Hi.
PL: [lots of mumbly words]
Joe: Um...
PL: [more mumbly words]
Joe: OK?

Then I heard Joe go into the kitchen, get something out of a cabinet, and go back to the front door.

Joe: Here you go.
PL: THANK YOU!

"What was that?" I shouted once the front door was closed.

"Oh, Poltergeist Lady wanted to borrow some taco seasoning," Joe answered.

Naturally, I was all, "um, WHAT," and it turns out she'd gone to the grocery to buy stuff to make tacos, but had forgotten taco seasoning, and so OF COURSE she went knocking on doors until she found some. Sure, OK. Maybe I'm just unfriendly, but I try to avoid my neighbors at all costs, because there's nothing I hate more than small talk. I'm so bad at it. I don't want to tell you how my day was, I don't care how your day was, and I can't talk with you about the weather anymore or I'll have to stab myself in the eardrum.

Anyway, so if I realized I'd forgotten ANYTHING at the grocery, I would either go back and get it or do without it. Especially if it was something like TACO SEASONING.

But, fine, she's obviously different than me AND THAT'S OK. You know what's not OK? That she came back five minutes later and asked for more.

Joe's way nicer than I am because I would have lied and said we didn't have any taco seasoning the first time she knocked on the door. So it's good that he answered the door instead of me. We want to remain on her good side, you know, in case our TV ever starts talking to us.

gonna fly this boat to the moon somehow

I have sand in my shoes. Sarasota sand, to be specific, and it's such a tease because it's about 30 degrees outside right now. I was wearing these shoes on New Years Eve, which I suppose still doesn't explain why they have sand in them SO HERE GOES.

Joe and I went to Florida last week to visit Lampl and Jon, who moved down there last year to live by the ocean and get away from the Ohio winters. I can't say that I blame them, all the warm weather would be nice, although I think I might miss watching Max play in the snow. But, really, their move was our win, too, because we now have somewhere to stay that's within walking distance to the beach.

We ended up driving down because plane tickets were waaaaaay more expensive than gas, which is kind of sad, really, considering gas is at least three bucks a gallon at the moment. We drove over two days, which ended up working really well because we got to stay in two different hotels, which meant I had two different ice machines to find and play with. Mmm, ice.

We stopped to get gas at some point once we got into Florida and when we got out of the car, it was too hot for a jacket. TOO HOT FOR A JACKET. IN DECEMBER. You would have thought that we'd just witnessed some Harry Potter magic or, like, a band of pixies lift up our car and fly away with it, such was our wonderment. And EVEN BETTER, when we got to Jon and Lampl's, we discovered they had stocked their fridge FULL of Yuengling.

(Sidenote: Guess who forgot to buy any Yuengling on her way out of Florida? THIS KID. Sigh.)

Anyway, when we got there, Lampl was all, "We booked a sunset cruise for all of us on New Year's Eve...it's free...and we get free drinks...but we don't have to do it if you guys don't want to," and I was all, "Lampl, what about that sentence leads you to believe we wouldn't want to do that?" So we did that. And despite all the free drinks and the rocking of the boat, none of us fell overboard. Whoo! We still had a few hours to kill until midnight once we got off the boat, so we hung out at Jon and Lampl's for a bit (after restocking their fridge with beer), ate some pizza, and then went to the beach for midnight festivities.

Once there, we plugged in an iPod, blasted some Girl Talk, and rolled up our jeans so we could frolic in the ocean. The frigid, frigid ocean. I don't know what happened, but I think that beach was some kind of time machine or was blasting immaturity rays or SOMETHING, because we spent most of our time there running around like tiny children hopped up on sugar and caffeine AND CRAZY PILLS. I have been told that I'm like a belligerent (and energetic) four year old when I'm drunk, so maybe it was catching? I don't know. I DO know that when we got there, I started running around in circles, and then we asked for some fireworks from some people down the beach (which we couldn't light on account of the wind), and then Danielle's bra fell off, and then we ran some more, and then we all pretended to be velociraptors and T-Rexes (with teeny little arms) BECAUSE OF COURSE WE DID. We gathered around someone's phone at midnight and I think we celebrated a minute early but whatever, that just meant we got an extra minute of celebration.

We got lost trying to find our way off of the beach, Lampl dropped five beers, and we played a bit of Beatles Rock Band before everyone fell asleep. I got super sad face when we left, not just because it meant I would have to go back to the cold and my job and, you know, REALITY, but because I was leaving behind the warmth and the fun and my BFFs, all of whom were headed in different directions, ALL HOURS AND HOURS AWAY from each other.

But I still have some sand in my shoes, the same shoes I was wearing to ring in the new year (well...they were sitting on the blanket while I ran like a crazy person through the surf, but I think it counts), so I'd like to think a part of me is still on that beach, shouting with laughter (and dinosaur roars), just happy to be with people I love.

Remember on Lost? When they met the Others?

It's snowing sideways. I don't even know why it's snowing. It's uncalled for. It got really warm and sunny and nice a couple weeks ago and so I just assumed winter was over. Which is really stupid considering I've lived in Ohio forever. The weather, it changes quickly here. When I moved in with Heidi, it was around April 20th or something, and I loaded all the crap from my old apartment into the moving truck on a Friday. It snowed. In April. And then the next day it was sunny and 65. This is what I mean when I say it was really stupid of me to think winter might be over.

Did anyone think Lost kind of sucked last night? Because I thought Lost kind of sucked last night. That said: SPOILER ALERT!

So, the episode opens and Kate, Hurley, and Jack are all back on the island and I was all "YESSSSSSS," although I was sort of curious about how, you know, they got back there. And then there was a flashback and it lasted the WHOLE EPISODE and I got pissed that things weren't moving faster. Also, wtf happened to Aaron? Did Kate lose him in a bet or something? And why did Ben look like he'd gotten in a fight with the smoke monster? How did Hurley know to be at the airport? Did Charlie tell him? Is that why he had a guitar? Is Charlie going to come back to life? Will he be less annoying if he does? WHY WON'T THIS SHOW ANSWER MY QUESTIONS? Anyway. Joe has been watching the show with me, which I'd imagine is really confusing for him considering he's never seen any of the other seasons. Sometimes he'll ask me a question and it goes something like this:

Joe: Who is that?
Me: Desmond.
Joe: Was he on the island?
Me: Yes, but he wasn't on the plane when it crashed.
Joe: Oh, so he was an Other?
Me: No.
Joe: . . .
Me: Heh.
Joe: But he was on the island.
Me: Yes, he sailed a boat there.
Joe: Oh.
Me: I think.

It's hard to answer questions when the backstory is so complicated that I can't even really remember because it's been 85 years since I've seen Season 1 and I've forgotten lots and lots of stuff. It's a good thing Joe has Netflix, he needs to catch up on Lost POST HASTE so he can tell me what's going on.

holy snow

It's snowing a whole bunch. I was supposed to be at work over an hour ago and that definitely didn't happen. We got a shitload of ice last night and Heidi and I both can't get in our cars because all the doors are frozen shut. We both have ice scrapers but, you know, those are in the car.

So we got all that ice and now is snowing like crazy and I'm really thinking I should not have to go to work at all today. I can't get ahold of anyone in my department, which leads me to believe they're not there either. I don't know why they don't just close the whole building, because the entire county is on a Level 2 snow emergency, which means you shouldn't be out driving unless you really need to be, and I feel as if I really don't need to be on the roads right now. My car is super tiny and not great in the snow (see: super tiny) and is BASICALLY like driving a sled only a sled is easier to steer in the snow because it's supposed to go slip-sliding everywhere but I've heard it's not good for cars to do that. Whoohoo happy fun times!

I should go out and see if I can get my car door open, but it's really cold, you guys. It's so warm in the apartment, and there's coffee and toast with peanut butter on it. Peanut butter!

don't you be a traffic light

Did you know that today is the most depressing day of the year? Not only that, apparently it's the most depressing day in ALL OF HISTORY. Which, you know, OK? I don't really buy that. Most depressing day of the year -- I'll give you that. It's cold, it's gloomy, blah blah Christmas credit card bills are due, blah blah something something, but they're trying to say that, in all of history, today is the MOST DEPRESSING DAY EVER? I'm all for hyperbole, Britain, but I have to call shenanigans on this one. Maybe they're trying some sort of reverse psychology or something. They're all, "Hmm, let us TELL everyone today is the most depressing day in all of history and then when it's not so bad, people will be HAPPY. Or pissed. But mostly HAPPY." Tricky Brits.

I don't feel particularly depressed today, although it IS flipping cold and I am at work, but so far it feels about the same as any other cold January workday. I feel pretty energetic actually. I've been getting up early every other morning to let Jillian Michaels try and kill me and I'm sorry to say that it has actually been pretty beneficial. Sure, my knee hurts like hell and it means less sleep, but I'm all ALERT at work, which hardly ever happens. Not only that, but I'm even more productive than usual. Earlier, I could hardly even sit still in my chair and sure, I could blame it on The Ting Tings or the two giant cups of coffee I drank this morning, but I prefer to give the credit to Jillian. Mostly because I'm afraid if I don't, she'll hunt me down and make me do walking push-ups until my arms fall off. And I need my arms. I use them almost every day.

So, this morning, while I was being productive (obviously), I ran across this article: How to Avoid Wasting Time on Facebook. To me, this seems ridiculous, because what is Facebook FOR, if not for wasting time. The article offers such helpful advice as "bring a timer with you to the computer." Um, what? Don't ever do that. You will get made fun of. Loser. It also says to avoid games, maybe because the author of this article has never had the joy of playing Scrabulous Wordscraper. Or they hate life. Either way, as a former how-to-article-writer, all I have to say is FOR SHAME, Mr./Ms. Article Writer. You do a disservice to all Internet time-wasters. Good day.

I SAID GOOD DAY.

somebody needs some hot chocolate (psst, it's me)

Wii Fit yelled at me again yesterday. A couple of times. First it was all, "what, you didn't have time to work out yesterday?" Fuck you, Wii Fit! I got up BEFORE WORK and let Jillian Michaels try and kill me! Suck it!

Ahem. I only got on Wii Fit to see how much I weighed, because when Heidi, Joe, and I played the other night, I didn't want them to know my weight (which . . . who cares?), so I hid it! I hid it forever! So I weighed myself again and it turned out I'd lost a pound. Here's the thing, losing that one pound moved me from "overweight" to "normal." Awesome. However, the other day when Wii Fit told me I had to make a goal, I said I'd lose a pound in two weeks, because I like to set my goals HIGH. Wii Fit, apparently, does not seem to realize that this was a ridiculous goal, so it told me to be careful and not push myself too hard because I'd already reached my goal after just TWO DAYS. Wii Fit is kind of stupid. Maybe that's why it's so mean. It's all, "I may be dumb, but at least I'm not fat, FATTY." Anyway, good news, everyone! On Sunday, Wii Fit told me I was 36 (yeah) but yesterday I was 20. I caught Benjamin Button disease and it's awesome.

Have you noticed it's really cold? Here anyway. It's like negative a billion degrees which is COLD for those of you who live in places that are not Ohio. Or other cold places. Like, there are people in our Florida office that call me sometimes and they're all, "it's SOOOOOOOO cold here," and I'm like, "yeah?" and they're like, "OMG it's only 50 right now," and then I yell at them to DIE DIE DIE and I smash my phone into a million pieces. Then I have to call IT to replace my phone and they're like, "Jennie, this is your fourth phone this week, what is going on?" and all I can tell them is that maybe they should have my phone block Florida numbers. True story.