only I didn't say fudge

We went to wedding two (of five! or six, you know, if I count my own) this past weekend, a weekend that was PRACTICALLY IDENTICAL to a weekend two weeks ago, only like ten degrees hotter and a hell of a lot more humid.

The wedding was in Cleveland, meaning it was time to visit the house from A Christmas Story. We were up bright and early on Saturday, mostly because when I woke up, I was all, "RED RYDER BB GUN!" and wouldn't go back to sleep. I wanted to make sure we had plenty of time because not only can you tour the Christmas Story house OH NO, there is also a museum with props. And actual actors from the movie, we found out. There is also a gift shop, which is where we had to buy our tickets. Yes, we had to buy tickets. You guys. It was the best $8 I ever spent, not counting the $8 of the $10 I paid to get into Dinosaur World that one time. And THAT WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT.

So anyway, when we got there, we perused the gift shop for a bit and then headed over to the museum since we had some time to kill before our tour. The museum was pretty deserted, except for this tiny woman sitting in a chair in the corner with a small table in front of her. I tried not to make eye contact because I don't like making awkward small talk with strangers, but as we walked by she was all, "do you recognize me from the movie?" Not wanting to be rude, I replied with a clever, "ummmmm," because I had no idea who she was. Then she pointed to the picture lying on the table in front of her and YOU GUYS she was one of the evil elves from the department store Santa land.

We also met the guy who delivers the leg lamp to Ralphie's house. He actually lived on the street and was so nice and earnest that I felt bad when we had to leave in the middle of his story about why the FRAGILE box said "his end up" instead of "this end up." But I didn't feel THAT bad because OH MY GOD YOU GUYS A CHRISTMAS STORY HOUSE IRL.

They made us stand outside for a while and the tour guide gave us some history of the house and the movie. This sucked for two reasons. 1) It was hotter than balls outside (Satan's balls, even) and 2) WHY WOULDN'T THEY LET ME INSIDE?! It was OK for a minute, though, because Joe pointed out a fuzzy, yellow caterpillar that was crawling on the porch.

When they finally let us in, a bunch of people swarmed over to where Ian "I Can't Put My Arms Down" Petrella was standing but I had my priorities in order and I went straight to the kitchen to climb in Randy's cupboard. Obviously. And then Joe and I went upstairs while everyone else was preoccupied watching Randy show them how the piggies eat and so we were the first to see Ralphie's decoded message, the soap that made Ralphie go blind, and Ralphie's theme.

You know what's ridiculous? I don't remember seeing the Red Ryder BB Gun. WE HAVE TO GO BACK!