Wednesday, August 19, 2009

This is the Seinfeld of posts.

I've started to notice lately that it doesn't take much to affect my mood one way or the other. I'll be smiling my way down the hallway at work and then I'll hear Annoying Coworker #5 talking about how he heard Glenn Beck say the funniest thing the other day, and he doesn't mean funny like, "wow, I didn't know someone with so few brain cells could speak," he means funny like, "that Glenn Beck sure knows what he's talking about," because if this guy lived in Phoenix, he probably would have been one of those idiots who brought a gun to hear Obama speak because THAT'S TOTALLY SANE AND NORMAL and what was I saying? I don't remember, really, but I think it had something to do with the fact that my mood can be ruined by the smallest things.

However. It can also be buoyed by the smallest things, like YUMMY FOOD or hearing The Final Countdown on the radio and picturing GOB dancing around before he makes a boat DISAPPEAR. You know what other Arrested Development-related activity makes me happy? Imitating the Bluths imitating chickens. Chaw-chee-chaw-chee-chaw! If you don't understand that, then maybe you should go watch some Arrested Development already.

Here is why: I am right about everything and I say Arrested Development is hilarious. Other shows that are hilarious: How I Met Your Mother, 30 Rock, The Office, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Flight of the Conchords. Sometimes people try to watch things like Two and a Half Men and I have to tell them how not funny it is. Sometimes they don't believe me and watch it anyway and I feel sorry for their brains. It's sad.

I can also tell you what movies you should see in the theater, what movies you should wait to see on DVD, and what movies you should never, ever see because they will be so awful that they will melt your face, sort of like that time the Ark of the Covenant, um, melted that guy's face and it was way gross, especially for that guy, probably.

For your reference, here are the movies that are out right now (at least where I am) and what category they fall into:

(500) Days of Summer: THEATER

Aliens in the Attic: DVD

Bandslam: Face-Melter

District 9: THEATER

Funny People: DVD

G.I. Joe: Face-Melter

G-Force: Face-Melter, but could be DVD b/c of Tracy Morgan/Jordan

The Goods: DVD/possible Face-Melter

The Hangover: DVD

Harry Potter: THEATER

Julie & Julia: THEATER

Orphan: DVD

A Perfect Getaway: Face-Melter/DVD

Ponyo: THEATER/DVD

The Proposal: DVD

The Time-Traveler's Wife: DVD

Transformers: Face-Melter

The Ugly Truth: Face-Melter

YOU'RE WELCOME. Please note that I have only actually seen three of these movies, but I feel strongly that I am right about the rest of them.

Regarding the above movies, you should all go see District 9 like, ASAP. Except for you, Heather Anne, because it might be too scary. And Kat, you maybe shouldn't see it on account of it's full of aliens. But the humans are scarier, I promise. Anyway. It's really good and the main guy has an accent and it sounds funny when he says The Eff Word.

This week, Heidi and Tam are in Mexico burning their skin off and drinking tequila, so I am checking in on Harleigh, Tam's smooshed-face cat. Here is a picture of Harleigh. She is adorable and right now she is wearing one of those cone things so she doesn't lick her tummy rash and it only makes her more adorable. Also, she's nice and will let me pet her and pick her up without threatening to bite my face off, unlike some cats, PHOEBE.

Anyway, I guess my point is, I'm in a good mood today because of A) GOB Bluth, B) quesadillas for dinner, C) smooshed-faced cats, and D) Flight of the Conchords. If you'd been paying attention, I think that was all pretty obvious.

14 comments:

Abigail said...

I only have one edit and that is regarding ryan reynolds and alaska which should totally be viewed on the big screen.

Jennie! said...

I can see that. With those two things AND Betty White, I can probably bump it up to THEATER.

kat said...

yes, i will wait for district 9 to come on hbo because aliens are terrifying and i don't want a theater full of people to see me scream my head off.

mysterygirl! said...

Sadly, it was just last weekend that I saw that Arrested Development clip for the first time. I've been missing out on the hilarity for THAT LONG! I hope that didn't ruin your day.

Jennie! said...

kat, that's a good idea because ALSO then you can pause it if you need to.

mg! of course not! I had never watched It's Always Sunny... until a couple of weeks ago and I felt like a FOOL for not watching it sooner. A fool! Oh well.

You can call me, 'Sir' said...

I find it hard to believe that Aliens in the Attic isn't face-meltingly awful.

Ashley said...

I think that The Hangover was theater worthy. (500) Days of Summer was SO CUTE. Also, I agree with Abigail about Ryan Reynolds. That movie was way fun.

Jennie! said...

Sir, but kids love crap! Hee.

Ashley, I'm such a cheapskate, though, that I really only go to the movies if it's something I think will be really, really good. Plus also, movies come out on DVD so fast now! It's awesome. I heart technology.

Suzy Voices said...

I love FOTC. Have both seasons on DVD (we don't have HBO because we're losers). We also saw them live, which was the most awesome concert I've ever been to. They are so talented. And I think Jemaine is kind of foxy.

heather! anne! said...

I would like this to become a monthly feature, please.

Never That Easy said...

My mood is exactly the same way, and there are certain key phrases that set it off: Glenn Beck is one of them.

I don't really go to the theater - once a year, at most, so I'll just have to add these non-face-melty ones to my Netflix Queue.

Tam said...

Tuesday is movie night at The Greene and all movies are $6.

Also, Ugly Truth was frickin' awesome.

Jennie! said...

Unfortunately I will never know because I'd rather set my eyes on fire than watch it.

S said...

Hopefully what I'm about to say won't change your mood. But Glenn Beck is just a totally strange phenomenon to me, because when I was in elementary school, he hosted the morning radio talkshow ("Glenn & Pat") on the most popular radio station in Connecticut. We listened to it every morning. And it was good. Seriously, everyone loved him. He was goofy, and funny, and most importantly, didn't talk about politics.

Then in the early-to-mid-90s, the show was taken over.

And somewhere between then and now, he became a douche.

Totally weird for me to know that he's the same guy from my childhood.