Deep Thoughts (not really)

So, it's that time of year where you're supposed to think about what an awful person you've been all year, and what you're going to do in the coming year to change that. I do this every year, I think. It's usually the same things: write more, eat healthier, drink less, be nicer to people, stop procrastinating, blah blah blah, and then I forget about them as soon as they're posted. So, instead of making resolutions, I'm just going to answer these questions. I did it last year. You should do it, too, so I have something to read later.

Real post to come...later...if I feel like it...so probably not. Anyway:

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?

Tried to blog for 365 days straight. Then I quit my blog.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

This is as close as I came to making resolutions last year. I did not get married or pregnant, so score!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

My favorite RA from college had a baby! So did my 17-year-old cousin. Oops.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Poor Bo.

5. What countries did you visit?

America?

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

A baby penguin.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

November 4th AND I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I didn't fall down as much.

9. What was your biggest failure?

DOWNER.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Lots. I said I didn't fall down as much, but I didn't say I didn't fall down at ALL.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

A laptop.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Mine. What? I don't know.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

THIS GUY.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Target and Threadless.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

See question 7.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?

I'm sure there IS one, but I can't think of it right now. So instead of thinking any longer (my head hurts), I'm going to stop and move on.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. Happier or sadder? Happier
ii. Thinner or fatter? About the same, I think
iii. Richer or poorer? Richer, but not by much

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Writing. Reading.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Working.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

Um, I already did this, douchebitch.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?

Duh.

22. How many one-night stands?

Um, none.

23. What was your favorite TV program?

The Office. Or Pushing Daisies.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

No. I try to hate sometimes, but it doesn't last long.

25. What was the best book you read?

Not Atonement, that's for damn sure.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Vampire Weekend, which I don't think counts, because Kat told me about them. But she always knows the good bands first.

27. What did you want and get?

An iPod. A new computer. A new phone. A new president.

28. What did you want and not get?

A new job.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?

WALL-E!

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I was 26 and forgot to celebrate my birthday this year. Or I ran out of time. Either way, oops.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

T-shirts. And more t-shirts.

32. What kept you sane?

To Do lists.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Um, duh, Jim Halpert.

Question 34 was missing. Sorry. You can make up a question if you want and maybe I'll answer it.

35. Who did you miss?

You.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

This question is mean. I love all the new people I met this year.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.

Never throw anything out. You may need it for your blog one day. BONUS LESSON: don't crack open really old nuts.

Name That Penguin Contest

Good morning! Work is making me want to DIE DIE DIE, which is pretty standard these days, so I'm taking some time off from proper blogging. As of today, anyway. I could change my mind tomorrow. Anyway, in the meantime, I have a problem and I think -- no, I KNOW -- you guys can help. Tamara got me a penguin for Christmas. See:

And we don't like the name he came with (Freeze . . . PSHAW, whatever), so we think he needs a new one. I challenge you all to come up with a new name. One that doesn't suck. The winner gets . . . I don't know, the winner gets to pick what I write about for a week or something. And I'll also give you a real prize (one that doesn't suck).

Happy naming.

Happy Birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party's so lame.

IT IS SO COLD OUTSIDE. My brain is frozen. You're probably all, "oh, poor Jennie is cold, somebody better call the WAAAAAAHmbulance," but you know what? Eff you. Because it's REALLY COLD OUTSIDE.

I did a lot of Christmas celebrating this weekend. Like. Almost all weekend. For realsies. Heidi and I went over to Tamara's Friday night for pizza and cookies and drinking and Love, Actually. Tamara didn't have a copy of Love, Actually and asked us to bring a copy (because we have two, naturally), and I was all, "haha, I will BUY Love, Actually and give it to Tamara as a Hanukkah present and we will pretend we forgot it and she will call us bitches and then open her present and we will laugh and laugh and laugh." That is essentially exactly the way it happened, only I'm not sure if she called us bitches. I don't really remember. Anyway, then we drank margaritas and killed an entire pizza and opened presents and watched Love, Actually and all was right with the world.

On Saturday, Joe and I went to my aunt's house to celebrate Christmas with my dad's side of the family. When we got there, the food was spread out all over the dining room AND the kitchen, and we concentrated on eating for a good hour. I ate approximately four hanky pankies (spicy sausage and cheese melted together and then baked on tiny pieces of bread OH MY GOD they are the food of the heavens). Then we opened presents and THEN we played Rock Band for so long that I thought for sure that my arm was going to fall off from playing the guitar for the longest song in the history of the world. After we turned the game over to the kids, we decided to play Scene It, only no one but Joe really remembered the rules and god love him, he really tried to explain them and then tried to get everyone to watch the How To tutorial on the game, but we are a rowdy bunch and keeping our attention for longer than about 30 seconds . . . um, doesn't work. This is a pretty good representation of what a Jennie's Family Christmas is like, and I wouldn't change it for all the naked Jake Gyllenhaals in the world:

The How To tutorial is playing and everyone watches for approximately .05 seconds, but then my dad farts and everyone rushes to cover their noses, and the dogs walk all over the game board and knock all the pieces over, and my uncle is yelling down the stairs for the kids to turn the volume down because Rock Band is drowning out all other sounds in the universe, and my other uncle is ignoring everyone because he's playing with the toy chainsaw my dad got him for Christmas, and suddenly the tutorial is over and someone asks how we play and my head explodes a little and then we finally start playing but my dad is TOTALLY CHEATING because he's all, "you can't play that buzz card and make us lose our turn because we already rolled," and "I think you move your piece AFTER you answer the question correctly," and then people are YELLING OUT THE ANSWER when it's not their turn (JOE), and no one believes me when I say Dustin Hoffman was in Wag the Dog, Papillion, and Dick Tracy even though they know I am the Rainman of movie trivia and then my uncle is saying that The Royal Tenenbaums is a terrible movie and I'm all, "didn't we get into this fight last time we played?" and yes. Yes, we did.

I want you to feel like you're gonna die

Those words are spoken by Jillian Michaels on Level 2 of her 30 Day Shred DVD and OH MY GOD, Jillian, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

I think you're supposed to do the video for 30 days straight, but at the pace I'm going, I'll have finished the 30 days in about six months. It's not my fault, though. Stuff keeps happening, like Rockville or the hospital or pizza and cookies, and then the video fucked up my knee so I had to stop for a while. I don't know why I decided to move to Level 2. I still want to die sometimes after Level 1, probably because I skip working out for weeks at a time, so every time I do it (heh, do it) it's essentially like I'm starting all over again.

This is what I did this morning, before guilting myself into the workout:

• drank a shitload of coffee
• watched Chuck vs. Tom Sawyer
• read some Internets
• decided to maybe go running
• checked Weather.com, saw it was only 26 degrees, decided not to go running
  
• played Guitar Hero
• thought, "I should work out...maybe I should eat one of those protein bars Heidi said are in the cupboard."
• couldn't find protein bars
• read some more Internets
• worked out
• died

I'm typing this from beyond the grave. Ooooooooooooooooooo!! I hope my family doesn't mind my zombiefication later at the Christmas celebration, but there will be lots of food and presents so I don't think they'll care much, unless I try to eat someone's brain.

this isn't your grandmother's Christmas party

WORST. DAY. EVER. Week is almost over and I will tell you how I know that. Um, well, it's almost time to leave work for THE WHOLE WEEKEND. I think most of my problems will magically melt away as soon as I step out of the building. I'm so sick of this place, you guys. It frustrates me so much that I'm not sure if I'm going to cry or call someone a douchebitch or punch someone in the face or all of the above.

Do you want to hear a Christmas miracle? Somehow, I am all done with my Christmas shopping. I banged it out last night (hahahahaha) at Target and then I wept with happiness. True story. Target is magical, so it was fitting that I'd finish my shopping there. Of course, I still have to wrap everything, but my plan on Christmas Eve is to wrap presents, drink, and watch The Sound of Music. I did the same thing last year, only I watched Harry Potter instead of The Sound of Music. What? I don't mock your Christmas traditions.

I have the most exciting plans tonight FOR REALSIES. Heidi and I are going to Tamara's to help make Hanukkah cookies, and there will also be pizza and wine and Love, Actually. Things just don't get much better than that. The only thing that could make it better would be if James McAvoy came in and did a sexy dance for us while we were baking. I'm not sure how much help I'll be with the actual baking, but I know I will be REALLY GOOD at taste-testing. Someone has to make sure the frosting isn't poisoned and I will volunteer to take one for the team.

Tomorrow, I'm celebrating Christmas with my dad's side of the family, and Joe, the brave soul, is going with me. I'm hoping we play Scene It again because if Joe and I are on the same team, we will totally win. No question. The other team will be lucky if they even get to answer any questions. Do you hear that family? We will own your asses. OK BYE MERRY CHRISTMAS!

WORST. DAY. EVER. Week

Earlier this week, Heather Anne proclaimed a state of emergency and by state of emergency I mean "WORST. DAY. EVER. Week." It's been a while since we've had one, and I think this week qualifies. I didn't want to believe it. I'm pretty good at denial, but things have stacked up and yep . . . it is now officially "WORST. DAY. EVER. Week." I understand this may not be affecting you all, but for those of you who have been affected . . . I'm sorry. But at least it's almost over, yes? Yes.

That's not to say it's been all bad. Sure, work has sucked donkey balls (two words: SOFTWARE CONVERSION) every day so far, but today I get to do detective work and fix things, and that's sort of fun BECAUSE I'M A NERD. And I had to go to the gyno on Monday, but that gave me something to blog about, and who doesn't love hooha talk? Also, there was a big, dumb ice storm on Tuesday (not like the movie, though, with the swingers and the itty, bitty Frodo and the tween sex), but it was practically melted by Wednesday morning. And my cell phone charger broke, meaning my phone was quickly dying, but then I realized it was time to UPGRADE and so UPGRADE I did. I think my new phone and I will be very happy together.

Oh yeah, my mom called me yesterday and told me they were taking my grandma to the hospital with what, to me, sounded like a stroke, but it turned out she was fine. And, you know, it gave me a chance to spend some quality time with my parents and some dude with a puke bucket in the ER waiting room.

Anyway, this week has been a bit of a disaster, but like I said, it's almost over. And I have nothing to do tonight but some Christmas shopping and TV watching, AND AWESOME TV WATCHING at that. Thank you, TiVo, for recording the Muppets. They can fix everything. And if, for some reason, they can't, then I'm sure those Christmas cookies my mom gave me will do the trick.

WARNING: there is disturbing hooha talk ahead. I mean it. Turn away now.

Thank you all for the kind words yesterday. I knew I could count on you guys.

Now, it's time to talk about the gyno. I know, how excited are you? So. I went to the gyno this morning, because what better way to start the week than by letting someone you don't know very well shove a cold piece of metal into your hooha and poke around with giant Q-tips. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT THEY DO. I think sometimes men wonder why women complain about going to the gyno and HERE IS WHY.

First, you walk in and they weigh you. I'm really OK with this. The part I have a problem with is that they then measure you and SOMEHOW I've shrunk a quarter of an inch from last time I was in. Or I was wearing thicker socks last time. Or I was standing up straighter. I don't know. But I do know that 26 is probably too young to start shrinking.

Then they take you to an exam room, where they point out the lovely frock you'll be wearing. The nurse is all, "make sure the gown is open in the back and put this white sheet over your lap." The white sheet is for privacy while the doctor gropes you. You'll see.

So you change into this gown, making sure to leave the opening in the back, and cover your business with the white sheet. You wait and wait and wait and, if you're like me, you're just getting to a good part in your book when the doctor walks in and is all, "How's life? How often do you do it? Have you ever been pregnant? When was the first day of your last cycle?" It's like an exam you haven't studied for PLUS ALSO an interrogation. There are even hot lights shining on you. Sure, they're shining on your lady parts, but whatever.

After some chit-chat, the doctor tells you to lie back and put your arms over your head so she can feel you up and make sure your boobs aren't bad-lumpy. And then she yells at your for not giving yourself monthly breast exams. My doctor also likes small talk, but instead of talking about the weather, she'll talk about how her kids go to Catholic school and one day they came home and said they'd had a discussion about abortion in religion class. And you just smile and nod and try to pretend she's not kneading your boob like a bunch of dough.

Now comes the big show. The stirrups come out and she's all, "scoot down here . . . a bit more . . . that's it . . . relax your knees," and it's very uncomfortable, except you're kind of distracted because SHE'S STILL TALKING ABOUT ABORTION. And then, with some gentle words ("oh boy, this part is never fun") she violates you with a piece of metal. Good times. Now is when she switches subjects a bit and starts talking about how she really liked that Mike Huckabee and you bite your tongue because you are in a VERY. COMPRIMISING. POSITION. and she could do you permanent damage. Eventually, she finishes and you think it's all over, but then she feels your ovaries or uterus or whatever. From the inside. Yeah. I've heard some gynos poke you in the butthole or something, but mine doesn't do that. If she did, I'd poke HER in the butthole and see how she likes people messing around down there.

See? I told you not to read this. That'll learn you.

big favor

If you guys could spare any prayers or good thoughts or good vibes, and send them to Heidi and her family right now, that'd be super. I owe you.

I'm a black belt in gift-wrapping.

Sometimes I think it's funny when I'm in my boss's office, and she sends me an email, to race it back to my desk. I almost always win. Other times, she'll come into my office and be all, "I sent you an email," and then we stare at Outlook until it appears. Sometimes I get scared because there might be an email from Heidi visible. Not that we're all that inappropriate at work, but every now and then we start to discuss Britney Spears and then someone says, "if that happens, I'll poop my pants," and you know what? I don't want my boss thinking that either Heidi or I poop our pants on a regular basis. Or any basis, really. I realize the whole racing email thing is not very funny, but my work environment has recently (ha, recently) become a hotbed of rumor and intrigue and so I have to make my own fun. Which would be a lot easier if they'd give back access to the YouTubes.

Today begins the GREAT PAYROLL/HR SOFTWARE CONVERSION OF 2008. I say begins, but really we've been working on this for what feels like a trillion years. That's why I was in Rockville last week and that's why I haven't had time to blog lately, because recently they've actually been expecting me to do some work. What's weird is that, other than this conversion, I don't have much to do. And considering that layoffs around here have been often and plentiful, I'm thinking I won't be hanging onto this job for too long once everything from the conversion clusterfuck has been fixed.

Other than that, I've been spending my time trying to get into the Christmas spirit, which was totally working the other night when I found some Christmas music on the radio but then Deliliah came on and ruined everything. I hate her so hard. I can't help it. She makes me feel Grinchy like no one else does, unless Dane Cook comes out with a Christmas comedy special or something.

Here's what, though. Last night during the tail end of Ugly Betty, what should we see? Why, a preview for A Muppets Christmas. A BRAND NEW MUPPETS CHRISTMAS SPECIAL. If a Santa-hat-wearing Animal can't get you in the Christmas spirit, nothing can. Suck it, Deliliah.

there were layoffs at work today, and so I'd rather talk about poop, thank you very much

Remember when I told you guys about the episode of Grey's Anatomy where the lady had a poop transplant? Apparently it's not as bullshitty as I thought it was. See?

tonight on Jeopardy!

Alex Trebek: Next category "German Words and Phrases."

Joe:  Nice.

Me:  ESSEN MEIN SCHEISSE!

Joe:  WOW.

I try this all the time, and it never works

Maybe I should go buy some rolls.

Je m'appelle Claude

It's snowing in Chicago. Sort of. We just went to Starbucks and for some reason I saw snow and thought, "hmm, I will wear my Chuck Taylors." Bad idea. Bad. Kat was smart and brought snow boots and luckily Abigail gave us all sweet hats to wear because it is cold here, you guys. So cold. Actually, that's a lie because it's 31 degrees right now and it feels really warm. Because last night it was 8. If that. Anyway, these hats have animal faces on them. Mine is a monkey. I'll show you later because the batteries in my camera died and I haven't gotten any new ones yet. Although, the apartment/suite thing has Ikea batteries but they're the wrong size. Did you know Ikea batteries are yellow? Because they are yellow. Wow, do you want to hear more about the batteries? Cause I could talk more about the batteries.

Right now, Heather is making cinnamon rolls, while WALL-E watches over her from the counter. She is also speaking in a British accent and Abigail is researching for Kat's crossword so Kat can cheat. Also, we are taking a Slang Flashcard test.

I sort of can't believe I'm finally in Chicago, because the trip to Rockville was such a disaster and I will tell you why. One - I was working. Two - the car broke down. Three - I'm pretty sure I didn't sleep at all. Four - I was working. The disaster didn't end once I landed in Dayton, oh no. There were parking lot shenanigans. I will get to that in a minute.

The BEST thing happened as I was walking to baggage claim. I walked out of the secured area and all of these people were there greeting their loved ones. I was all, "aww, that is so sweet and boo, none of them are for me." And then. I walked around the corner and saw this guy who looked just like Joe and GUESS WHAT. It was Joe. And THANK GOD because I was way tired of carrying my bags. Hee. Also, it was really very sweet because pretty much all I did the entire trip was text/email Joe and Heidi and tell them what an awful time I was having. And it turned out to be a really good thing that he was there and NOW I will tell you why.

OK. So when I parked my car on Tuesday, I parked in economy. And they were doing a buttload of construction and APPARENTLY I ended up in the wrong lot. Somehow, there was no barrier between the economy lot and the credit card lot (which is way closer to the airport) and I drove into the credit card lot by mistake WHICH SHOULD NOT BE POSSIBLE. Anyway, so I tried to get out of the lot with my credit card, but since I didn't use my credit card to get in, the thing wouldn't let me out. So I called the guy on the intercom and he was really rude and told me I couldn't get out and I'd just have to find the way I got in, and get out that way, and when I tried to explain to him that THERE WAS NO OTHER WAY OUT because apparently they'd put the barrier back, he was all, "eff you, B, sorry about your luck." If Joe hadn't been there to calmly ask me if I wanted him to drive, I definitely would have just driven through the barrier to FREEDOM SWEET FREEEEEEEEEEEDOM. And, you know, then I would have gotten arrested and there goes my newfound freedom.

So. We drove around for a while, found a movable barrier, moved it, and drove out of the economy lot. And then I went home and slept. And then I got up and packed. And then I drove to Chicago, and picked up Abigail, and we went to the airport to get Kat and Heather, and then we found the apartment Abigail had rented for us (which WOW I need to take pictures once I find batteries) and then we went to the grocery and bought wine and food and 30 cans of PBR (25 are left . . . can we finish them? I don't know) and then we ate cheese and drank wine and then we played the Harry Potter game I gave Heather for her birthday and then we watched Heather's new WALL-E dance away and then we had dinner and that's it. Except THEN this morning we got up and got Starbucks and whatever happens after that, I will have to tell you at a later time. Hold, please.

I am all better now

I got some food and some beer and now I'm driving coffee because I forgot that drinking beer would make me sleepier than I already was. I immediately got a two-top when I finally made my way to the restaurant, and almost as soon as I ordered my food and beer BOOM there it was. And it was delicious. Sort of. I mean, I was so hungry that I would have eaten anything they brought me, even if it was kitty litter covered cat poop.

As I was sitting there, all alone at my table, some lady walked up who knew the two guys sitting at the table beside me and she was all, "can I sit here?" and before I said yes or no, she sat down across from me. I was all, "whatever, I have a giant beer, I can handle some lady." It turns out, she's on my flight and totally knew where I work and blah blah blah we talked and then I paid for my crap and then I left. Also, the guy she knew was British and I eavesdropped on their conversation so I could swoon at his accent.

So, then I wandered around the bookstore but my brain wouldn't let me buy anything because I knew I could find all those books somewhere else for cheap. Also, I already have a book in my bag that I fully intend on reading while I'm on the plane, so I didn't even NEED to buy a book.

THEN I went to the coffee place to get some hot chocolate and they were like, "but we only have drip coffee right now," like they couldn't drop some cocoa in some hot milk or whatever. Assholes. But then I got coffee and it kind of tastes like burning, but at least I won't fall asleep on the plane and wake up to someone licking my face. Or worse. You never know.

here is what my day was like LEAVE ME ALONE

• got up early because I couldn't sleep
• got ready, packed, met coworkers in lobby
• boss tried to start rental car
• boss tried to start rental car
• boss tried to start rental car
• boss and I rode to work with other coworkers
• called car rental place, was assured they would fix car
• worked and worked and worked
  
• four hours later, called rental car place, was informed they had no record of first call
• got transferred and transferred and hung up on
• finally heard from rental car place, was informed they fixed car
• hitched ride to hotel parking lot
• bribed hotel staff for rental car keys
  
• tried to start rental car...SUCCESS
• drove Mustang one hour through heavy traffic to airport
• felt like an old lady for barely being able to see over steering wheel/hood of Mustang
• hated on Mustang
• loved on Garmin
• got to airport
• walked and walked and walked
• got in wrong line at baggage check-in
• hated on security check-in
  
• wandered airport, looking for food and booze
• saw that all food and booze places too busy for sitting
• sat at random gate, posted garbage on my blog

My flight doesn't leave til 8:55 and I'M SO BORED. Waaaaaaaaaah. I'm going to go try the bar again.

I'm a businesswoman in town on business

Are you there, Internets? It's me, Jennie. I'm so tired, Internets. So tired. I flew into Baltimore last night, and by the time we got our bags, picked up our rental car, went to the hotel, and ate dinner? It was 11. And then! I stayed up til midnight for some reason. And then I couldn't sleep. And you know what? I sort of hate the Marriott. My room doesn't have wireless internet, the hotel buffet breakfast cost $14, there was a moldy teabag in my coffeemaker (which was hidden in a random drawer), and there's a drafty draft from hell (or somewhere, you know, cold) coming through the window that makes me want to stab Mother Nature in the face.

However. There IS a giant, flat screen TV and the $14 breakfast was pretty good and everyone knows coffee tastes better with moldy teabags in it, so win win win.

I came here for work, to do some training and testing, although the first two hours of work today were spent setting up laptops and getting access to various networks and my head exploded from all the disorganization of it all. And then we started working and OH MY GOD I actually felt like I was accomplishing something, which is a lot different than what happens most days. Most days, I spend my time avoiding irate employees who want to yell at me because I'm mean and won't let them have benefits for free, because I'm totally in charge of that.

The rental car place gave us a Mustang and so far just my boss has driven it, but tomorrow I have to drive it back to the airport and I'm a little scared that I might need to sit on a phonebook to see over the hood. Also, I'll probably get lost at least once, with or without the company-provided Garmin (RECALCULATING) so I might leave for the airport seven hours early.

Anyway. My brain is done working for the day so I'm going to go lie in bed and watch South Park.

I fell into a burning ring of fire and I was totally happy because it's really cold outside right now.

Inexplicably, I have had songs from Walk the Line stuck in my head all morning. I can't imagine why. I haven't seen that movie in 87 years.

I am feeling very anxious today, and it's because I'm flying to Maryland later this evening and I'm at work right now and my stuff is in the car and WHAT IF SOMEONE STEALS IT. I thought about dragging my suitcase in, but I'd have to drag it up a couple flights of stairs and . . . no, thank you.

So, you know, The Anxious is because of the traveling and I'm pretty sure it won't go away until about 8:30 tonight, when I finally make it to my hotel room. Actually, if I'm being completely honest, I'm pretty sure it won't be gone until I get home Thursday night. Because I JUST REALIZED I'm going to miss The Office since I'll be on a plane when it's on. Unfair. Is it even new this week, though? I have no idea. I used to know these things. Oh, well.

Also, I've decided to give up caffeine. Or maybe not give it up (I don't want to be a quitter), but at least cut back on it because I drink way, way too much of it. So I only had one cup of coffee this morning. I don't think this week was a very good week to cut back on caffeine, but it should at least help with the anxiety, right? Right? Who knows.

I totally remembered to wear slip on shoes today, though. I hate going to the airport and having to take of my shoes and then TIE them all over again. Because then I feel like a jackass for holding up the line and I can feel the people behind me trying to kill me with their eyeballs and you know what? That's uncomfortable.