Tuesday, July 8, 2008

How about some spaghetti?

Last night, I decided to cook a real, honest-to-blog (I'm sorry) dinner. I used the recipe that Andrea talked about a while ago, because it sounded delicious and she SAID it was delicious, so I thought, "hmm, I wonder if this is delicious?" And so I had to make it, if only to kill my own wonder.

Anyway, the recipe called for prosciutto, and I'll be honest with you, I didn't really know what that was. I mean, I've heard it before, OBVIOUSLY, from stuff like . . . I don't know, Mama DiSalvo's and Top Chef. And so I called Joe, who would, in fact, be partaking in this delicious meal. Oh, right, Joe is new. Everyone say hi to Joe. OK. So. He didn't answer, and so I was all, "blah blah blah, I'm stupid, can you tell me what a prosciutto is?" into his voicemail. And then I thought about calling Heidi, but I remembered she was at spinning and I doubted she'd answer the phone while almost dying on a bike. And SO, I then put out an APB via text message:

Me: What is prosciutto and where in the grocery is it?

Heather Anne: I think it's like a giant sausage.

Me: I am in the wrong aisle then.

Heather Anne: Let me know if it's a huge sausage.

It is not a huge sausage. Not that I knew that at the grocery. I wandered around the meat (heh), looking at all the giant sausages (heh), but none of the sausages looked right (heh). And by looked right, of course I mean none of them said, "HEY JENNIE THIS IS PROSCIUTTO AND YOU SHOULD USE IT TO MAKE PASTA ALLA VODKA TONIGHT." And so I left the grocery without prosciutto, because I was afraid to ask anyone what it was. I almost stopped this little old lady to ask her, but she kept GETTING IN MY WAY WITH HER STUPID CART so instead I just glared at her a lot, which was not so much helpful, but it made me feel better.

As I was pulling out of the parking lot, Joe called me back.

Joe: Are you still at the grocery?
Me: No, I just left.
Joe: Damn.
Me: Do you know what prosciutto is?
Joe: . . . no. Hold on, I'll Google it.
Me: OK.
Joe: Here it is. Ha! It's HAM.
Me: Ham?
Joe: Ham. Dry cured ham that has not been cooked.
Me: Why don't they just call it ham? I know what ham is!
Joe: I don't know.
Me: Anyway, that sounds gross. Are you OK with not putting ham in the pasta?
Joe: Yeah, I don't really like ham that much either.
Me: Excellent.

That is essentially, exactly the way it happened*.

*except for the part about the buck teeth . . . oh my god, Jennie, shut up.

12 comments:

kat! said...

(1) Hi Joe!

(2) I'm sorry I wasn't around to help you out; this is totally my department.

(3) Calling prosciutto ham is like calling Jude Law an okay-looking dude. Jude Law is not an okay-looking dude is BEAUTIFUL.

(4) You could have used a couple strips of bacon. Bacon is delicious.

(5) Okay, I'm done now.

kat! said...

(3)(a) Calling prosciutto ham is like calling Jude Law an okay-looking dude. Jude Law is not an okay-looking dude. Jude Law is BEAUTIFUL.

(5)(a) I'm serious this time.

Jennie! said...

Oooh, see, bacon could have been good. Only we only have turkey bacon.

Also, yes, Jude Law is the prettiest man alive except for Jake Gyllenhaal. Hee.

peefer said...

I'm with kat. Prosciutto is BEAUTIFUL and delicious. It can be reprocessed into prosciutto salami so that you do ultimately get your sausage, but the purist balk at that. I however am not a purist, and have enjoyed some pretty yummy prosciutto salami sammiches.

(I miss the X-Files dearly.)

Grad School Reject said...

Just wait til MG! shows up. She will school you on the deliciousness that is Prosciutto. It has a salty goodness that can be enjoyed for breakfast, lunch, or dinner.

Jennie! said...

Peefer, are you going to see the movie?

GSR, I look forward to being schooled on prosciutto. Also, the phrase "salty goodness" . . . awesome.

mysterygirl! said...

You rang?

PROSCIUTTO! should be its own food group, because its gloriousness only brings dishonor to the other meats alongside it in the food pyramid. It is thin and salty and delicious and you can get it at the deli counter. It is also insanely expensive, so I don't get to eat it often enough. But come with me and I will show you the way.*

*In fact, I'll take you tonight! to the river and wash your illusions (about prosciutto merely being ham) awaaaay.

Jennie! said...

Wow, you DO feel strongly about prosciutto. Hee. If it's insanely expensive, though, I probably better stay away. I don't need an expensive prosciutto addiction.

Ashley said...

Prosciutto is yummy, and I don't even like most forms of cooked pig. Except ribs. Mmmm. Also, true story, my mom's best friends likes to name her animals after gourmet foods so while growing up I often frequented the company of a fat cat named Prosciutto. Try teaching that one to your kids.

Jennie! said...

OK, now I want to get a cat and name it "Bacon."

Ashley said...

Hahahahah. "Come here, Bacon, come here! I'm gonna eat you for dinner, Bacon," etc. HAH.

Heidi said...

I'm also pretty sure Kroger doesn't sell prosciutto. It's not high class enough...you would probably have to get it at DLM or somewhere like that.

Ah Jake's twin. haha