Okay, this is ridiculous, I can't believe those two are still bagpiping.

Context: On How I Met Your Mother, when Old Ted/Bob Saget tells his kids about when he used to smoke the marijuana, he calls it "eating sandwiches" instead. I guess his kids are really dumb and think that eating sandwiches makes you giggle a lot and...eat more sandwiches, but whatever.

More context: We babysat Maddie (two-year-old daughter of some friends) on Saturday. She calls people "silly" sometimes in such a way that her mom says she thinks it sounds like she's really saying "dumbass."

Even more context: This conversation happened while walking Max last night. We met a dog (and owner, I suppose) that was Max's twin. They did not like each other.

This is way too much context for this conversation. Prepare to be underwhelmed.

Me: Max didn't like his evil twin.
Joe: I think he just wanted to say hello. The other dog was mean.
Me: That's SILLY.
Joe: Haha, what a SILLY.
Me: Heh. Let's eat some SANDWICHES.
Joe: Hahaha. Yum.
Me: I mean, who would turn down a sandwich? If someone passes you a sandwich, are you going to say no to a bite?
Joe: No. No, I would not.
Me: BTW, I'm talking about real sandwiches, not pot.
Joe: I know, Liz Lemon. I know.

Anyway. We celebrated Christmas with my dad's side of the family on Saturday and did chocolate martini shots and ate Happy Birthday, Jesus cake in honor of my Grandma. She would have been so proud.

Breakin' the law, breakin' the law!

I'm going out of order, so there: Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)

This may not sound like any big whoop but Joe and I didn't go out to dinner at all this past weekend. AND. We didn't order pizza or Chinese or any other food deliverables, either. No. We cooked. Like, using real recipes and everything. This is weird because, in my mind, the weekend = going out to dinner. I don't know why. That's just how it is. So, in order to break the habit, we didn't go out to eat all weekend.

This is in an effort to eat healthier and, just as important, save some money. Plus, as it turns out, I actually enjoy cooking. I know. I KNOW. Who am I? I made banana bread on Saturday and then spent I don't know how long grilling and skinning (ew) red peppers to make a red pepper sauce to have with dinner (chicken) and just...what? But it was so good! And I got to use some wedding gifts, so win win win.

Yesterday, I finally dislodged the stand mixer from the pile of wedding gifts we haven't unpacked yet (because we have nowhere to put them and so they sit, unused and depressed, just like all the enchanted crap in the Beast's castle) and found a place for it in the kitchen. I flipped through the recipes that came with it and decided to try the brownies, mostly because I wanted an excuse to eat some brownie batter. This is kind of embarrassing, but I was totally intimidated by this mixer, like, I don't know, maybe because it's so heavy? Heavy machines tend to be the most dangerous (LOGIC) and that means the stand mixer is the kitchen appliance most likely to hurt me. Unless, like, the refrigerator falls on me or something WHICH COULD TOTALLY HAPPEN. The brownies were good (but not as good as these) and BONUS the mixer did not kill me or hurt me at all. At least not yet. I'm keeping my eye on it. Anyway. I think I'm going to try some chocolate chip cookies next. Yes, mostly to eat chocolate chip cookie dough, WHAT OF IT?

this is me blogging

Because I almost forgot to blog today. Blog blog blog blogging blog blog.

PS: the peppermint Joe Joe's ARE THE GREATEST COOKIE EVER MADE. I want to buy them for everyone I know.

Black Friday

So it's like the number one shopping day of the entire year or whatever and here is what I've purchased:

a case of wine
salsa
tortilla chips
a wedge of cheese
crackers
peppermint Joe-Joes
a cafe mocha

I'm pretty pleased with all of it.

a glimpse

Last night, Joe and I made quesadillas for dinner but really they were more like tostadas, if I'm being completely honest. And I might as well be completely honest because why lie about quesadillas? If you can't be honest about quesadillas, what CAN you be honest about?

I took them out of the oven and we transferred them to plates so we could cut them into fourths. Because that makes it easier to eat with your hands and why wouldn't you want to eat with your hands? Why are you so fancy? Who are you trying to impress? Plus, eating with your hands is awesome. Anyway, since he is a gentleman, Joe started cutting my quesadilla before his and then this happened:

Me: NOOOO! STOP! You're cutting it wrong!
Joe: ...what?
Me: If you make them the same size, how will I know which one to eat first*?!

And that's when Joe started pounding his head on the cabinet (for real) and laughing at me and I was all, "...I'm mostly kidding," and he was like, "IT'S THE MOSTLY THAT WORRIES ME," and this is what it's like to live with me, right, Heidi?

*If I cut stuff in half (or fourths, whatever), I have to cut them in different sizes because I have to eat the smallest piece first OBVIOUSLY. Shut up.

Mom: What'd you break now? Me: NOTHING. I'm not at home yet.

When Heidi and I lived together, we broke all sorts of appliances. We broke the fridge, the garbage disposal (multiple times), several coffeemakers, not to mention things outside the kitchen like closet doors and toilets, but our most memorable was the oven. Only that wasn't really broken, the oven knob was just on upside down only WHO WOULD KNOW THAT?

Well, anyway, it turns out that all of those broken appliances may have been my fault. Things just break around me. I didn't even touch the garbage disposal at the condo but it broke after us being there NOT EVEN A WEEK. And last night, oh, last night...last night the microwave did things that no microwave is supposed to do EVER.

YOU GUYS, I broke the microwave. Or my brain did. Here is what happened (imagine this is a dramatic reenactment, sort of like the ones they did on Rescue 911...or the ones they do on that I pooped my baby into the toilet show):

Joe and I got home from work.

We started dinner (lemon chicken) in the oven and then settled down to watch an episode of The West Wing while it cooked.

Once the chicken was ready, I put a thing of Uncle Ben's rice in the microwave (You know, the kind where you're supposed to tear the top and then it steams the rice in the bag or whatever? The venting thing will be important later).

It's later. I went to the bathroom and as I walked back out to the kitchen, I heard a big POP and Joe's face was all, "...the hell?" and I was all, "what did you do?" and he was like, "um, the rice exploded and the microwave turned off by itself."

And then we opened the microwave to see that one side of the rice bag had exploded rice all over.

LUCKILY, the rice only had like 9 seconds left to go, so it was totally done WHOOHOO all is not lost!

Except, then we (ok, Joe) cleaned up the exploded rice and tested to make sure the microwave still worked. And it did. We were all WHOOHOO all is not lost! except then the microwave went dark and started sparking inside so we turned it off speedy quick.

We stared at each other, mouths agape. I said, "try it again." Yeah, more sparks. Scary! It was like we had forgotten to push the button in the hatch and the world was about to end only not quite that dramatic.

So, yeah, the microwave was definitely broken. We unplugged it and then ate dinner (since it was ready and all) and then I called my parents (since my dad is our landlord) and explained that the microwave was sparking and could we maybe come over and pick up my microwave from college? I didn't tell them about the rice exploding thing until we got over there but my mom said she's done that, too, and their microwave was JUST FINE thank you and I guess being easily distracted and forgetting to do things like venting the rice SO IT WON'T EXPLODE is genetic.

But whatever. My point is, you should keep all electronic devices away from me, unless you want me to break them with my (unintentional) mind powers.

Day One: Insanity sets in

Oh yawn, you guys. Seriously, YAWN. I am about to get super whiny all over the place, so please bear with me. Actually, no, it's probably not that whiny. I'm too tired to be very whiny. OK, that was whiny. Whiny is starting to sound weird because I've said it so many times. Whiny, whiny, whiny. Anyway.

I was so unhealthy yesterday, so very very unhealthy, food-wise, because yesterday was, as I decided to call it, My Last Hurrah. So, of course, I was going to eat as much junk food as possible. I figured, WHY NOT, since today started the healthy-eating/exercising/grocery-going part of my Year Goals. All the junk food was a mistake, however, because it made my tummy all sorts of hurty. Plus, I'm partially blaming all the junk food for not being able to sleep last night. There were other reasons, though. I mean, I hadn't had to get up for work in like twelve days, so I was worried about not getting enough sleep and being all tired today. That's a vicious cycle, yeah? You're lying there in bed, thinking about how you have to be up in [blank] hours, and the more you worry about not getting enough sleep, the harder it is to FALL asleep and before you know it, it's four in the morning and you wonder if you should just get up because you were planning on getting up at five anyway.

Because, YEAH, I got up at five in the morning today. THAT IS SO EARLY. Phoebe was SUPER excited, because I'd gotten up that early to exercise before work and she loves when I exercise in the living room because she thinks I'm a cat jungle gym. Whenever I do pilates or yoga or whatever, she's all climbing over my prone body and getting smacked by flying limbs and mrorwing at me for not petting her because didn't you know? That's what I'm there for. To pet her and pick up her poops and feed her and get her high on kitty pot.

I know the day is only half over, but I'm counting it as a success as far as my goals go. After all, I got up at five, exercised, have eaten nothing but the healthiest of foods so far, and am planning on going to the grocery after work, then cooking a healthy dinner. Win win win! Yeah, it's only been one day, but whatever, I know I can do it because this one time? (at band camp?) I lost a bajillion (read: 50) pounds and I didn't even exercise, I just ate the tiny amounts of food that Weight Watchers claims are REAL SERVINGS because Weight Watchers is evil. It's true. They're totally in cahoots with The Mayor and Ryan the Temp and Sue Sylvester, I SWEAR.

NaNo Update: Day 3!

Remember when I said I wasn't going to update every day? Well, I think I might, only I won't update if I don't write anything. So if I don't post, you should yell at me because it means I didn't write anything and I should write something every day because if I don't then IT'S ALL OVER. Hee. Probably. I don't know. I'm not sure what I'm talking about.

Today was a good day, writing-wise. It has not been a good day, so far, work-wise, because I kinda sorta almost got run over by the bus I was thrown under and it hurt my feelings. Ha, JK, I don't have feelings. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, writing.

So it was one of those days where writing was easy, you know? YOU know. I don't mean that what I was writing was exceptional in any way, but the words just came easily, like I suddenly realized that HOLY SHIT, I CAN MAKE UP WHATEVER I WANT. I mean, maybe that should be obvious, but sometimes it doesn't seem like it is. I don't think I'm making any sense, so let's move on.

Word Goal for the Day: 1667
Words Written Today: 2276
Total Written So Far: 6703

(Where I need to be: 5001. I will do the math for you and tell you that puts me ahead of the game by 1702 words.)

Remember yesterday when I thought it had just been Thanksgiving and not Halloween and I wanted to eat a bunch of mashed potatoes? Well. Last night, we tried to make baked potatoes but it turned out that the potatoes I had were, um, bad so we couldn't eat them. So then I was all, "BUT I WANT POTATOES, WAAAAAAH," and then I remembered that I'd gotten a free box of roasted garlic mashed potato mix in the mail. Why did I get a free box of roasted garlic mashed potato mix in the mail? Because I sign up for free shit on the internet whenever I see it. Especially if it's something I love so hard, like mashed potatoes. Or free tampons. Those are awesome, too, because have you seen how expensive tampons are? Damn, Gina. I think they should be free, actually, just like my roasted garlic mashed potatoes.

Anyway. So I made roasted garlic mashed potatoes in like three minutes and we ate them and they were glorious. I was skeptical because...um, instant potatoes, you know? But I would eat them again right now, if I wasn't eating my pudding cup, WHICH IS ALSO DELICIOUS.

the best things in life are free

Whenever I leave the office, spring in step and grin in place, I get to a certain point in the parking lot where I cringe in absolute horror. Not because I don't want to leave work (please), but because of the unholy stench emanating from the building next door.

It's some sort of Skyline factory. I'm not sure exactly what they're doing in there, whether they're testing new Skyline recipes or just making more of the same-old, but the smell is horrifying. You know how I feel about Skyline, right? How it's evil and disgusting and who the hell puts CINNAMON in chili? CINNAMON?! Also, I stand by my statement that the hotdogs themselves taste like they were boiled in toilet water.

Sometimes my coworkers will be all, "you have to be from here to like Skyline," whenever someone says they haven't had it. And speedy quick, I have to say, "I grew up here AND I HATE IT so that's not true." It's sort of like when someone says to me, "You like Two and a Half Men, right?" and I have to hurry and tell them, "OMG NO I HATE IT WHO IS SPREADING THESE VICIOUS, VICIOUS LIES ABOUT ME?"

Anyway, do you know how disgusting it is to smell Skyline in the morning? Well, I'll tell you. It's really disgusting. It's a good diet tool, though. When I get to work I'm usually starving because I never have time to eat before I leave the apartment, preferring instead to sleep ten more minutes because SLEEP IS AWESOME I HEART IT. Then I get out of the car and Skyline smacks me in the face and I never want to eat anything again ever.

Between that and my goal to save money and eat better, I've been packing my lunch so I don't have to leave the office. Except sometimes I HAVE to go out at lunch or I would kill all my coworkers and stab my computer with a letter opener. But most days, I prefer to pack my lunch and do important things during my lunch break, like pay bills or read the Internets.

But. Packing my lunch can be bad for the environment. I mean, yeah, everything can be bad for the environment, but packing lunch? With the little sandwich and snack baggies? Totally bad. So I went to Target one day with the hopes of finding a couple little tupperware type things to use primarily for lunches. We have some stuff at home, sort of, but our collection mostly consists of really old Gladware and Tupperware I've stolen from my parents. I ended up spending 20 dollars on a 36 piece set of Rubbermaid containers, which was probably not necessary but this is why I need to pack my lunch. So I don't go to Target and spend money.

Now if only someone could take away my ability to shop online, I'd be rich, I tell you, RICH!

I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggone it, people like me.

At my heaviest, I weighed 80 bajillion pounds. OK, that's a bit of a lie. OK, that's more than a bit of a lie. But I did weigh too much. I wasn't healthy and I knew it needed to change but I didn't want to do anything about it.

That was right after college. I moved home and wasn't very happy about life in general and the fact that I didn't feel good about myself wasn't so much helping. I soon moved to my own apartment because I figured 22 was a good enough time as any to become a responsible adult. It was around this time that I stopped living in denial. Up until then, I'd look at pictures of myself and ignore how heavy I'd gotten. "It's just a bad angle," I'd think or, "It must be that shirt so I'd better not wear it anymore."

I signed up for Weight Watchers Online and started being very strict about what I was eating and drinking. I was shocked (shocked!) at how small a normal serving size seemed and I struggled with finding filling foods (alliteration FTW!) so I wouldn't binge on a bag of potato chips at 4 AM. Luckily, Heidi had already been using the program, so I went to her with all of my many questions.

I was amazed (amazed!) when I started shedding weight. I lost 10 pounds within two weeks and, while the weight loss slowed after that, I was still losing weight every week. Eventually I got to the point where I could fit both arms inside the waistband of my pants (hot!) and, EVEN MORE ATTRACTIVE, the ass of my pants was hanging so low that it looked like I'd pooped myself. I'd lost something like 50 pounds. At this point, I went through my closet, gleefully trying on clothes that were now about four sizes too big and then throwing them in my Goodwill pile.

I still didn't feel like I looked any different, no matter how many people I ran into that hadn't seen me in months. They'd be all, "wow, you're not a fatty anymore, congrats!" but I didn't entirely believe them. To be honest, I still don't feel like I look much different. And lately, for some reason, I've been feeling really down about myself. I don't know why but I think it might have something to do with the fact that A) it's summer and B) I wear a bathing suit a lot more during the summer.

I've decided that this is ridiculous. I should be proud of the way I look because HELLO I lost 50 freaking pounds. I tend to downplay that. Like it wasn't hard to do even though, um, it was totally hard to do.

I went from this:



to this (please also notice the perfect Guitar Hero score in the background):



I should be proud of that.

My next goal is to stop worrying so much about whether or not I gain or lose a couple of pounds because WHO CARES as long as I'm healthy. I feel like I'm always waiting for that time when I'll lose 10 pounds or "look better" and, just, what? What does that mean, "look better?" Why can't I look OK right now?

So do me a favor. The next time you're standing in front of the mirror and your first thoughts are along the lines of, "do these pants make me look fat?" or "oh, muffin top, I beseech thee, GO AWAY," tell your brain to STFU because you look awesome. I know this is totally Stuart Smalley but seriously . . . you're good enough, you're smart enough, and goddamn it, PEOPLE LIKE YOU. And they also want to do you, because you're hot. So, you know, deal with it.

Kristi Yamaguchi okaaaaay*

Sometimes I do not understand song lyrics. Like, the other day, Heidi and I were in the car and this happened:

Me: What are they saying? Are they saying, "I broke her face?"
Heidi: Um, no. They're saying, "my poker face."
Me: Ooooooh!

And if I don't know the song lyrics, I will still sing along. I'll either make up my own secret language (it sounds a lot like Adam Sandler gibberish) or I'll hum along. Badly. Joe hates this.

Me: I like this song.
Joe: Do you know this song?
Me: No. LAAAAALAAA . . . OOOOOOOH DADADADADA!
Joe: Why do you ruin music I love?

Anyway, I really have no point, other than apparently I kill wonder AND music. Watch out, Disney.

All week long, I've thought it's Friday. This is problematic, because when I realize it's not Friday, I want to throw myself on the floor and have a little tantrum. They frown on this at work. I found that out when they tried to tell me I couldn't wear jeans on Fridays and I threw my chair, sat on the floor, and told them I wasn't doing any work until I GOT MY CASUAL DAY BACK. I also threatened to hold my breath until I passed out but no one cared. Also, none of that really happened.

Last night, Joe came over and we made dinner, only we had to go to the grocery first because I'm never prepared for actual cooking. We ended up making a relatively healthy meal (angel hair pasta with red peppers, mushrooms, and tomatoes PLUS ALSO some chicken that took FOREVER TO COOK AND I WAS SO HUNGRY) and then ruined it with cupcakes and chocolate chip cookies. Oh, did I say "ruined it" because what I meant was "made it even more awesome YUM COOOOOOOKIES." Then we watched The West Wing. Maybe some of you (OK, Heather Anne) can give us some guidance on this. Joe only has the first four seasons of The West Wing and hasn't seen anything past that. I'd never seen any of it PERIOD until we started watching it. I'VE HEARD that maybe it's better to pretend the show ended after the fourth season. Is this true? Should I bother watching anymore? Please say I can just quit after season four, because Joe is getting Lost from Netflix and I'm pretty excited to rewatch everything so it all finally makes sense. That'll happen, right? Right? (Let's pretend, OK?)

*© Jeremy

I'm just like Ferdinand Magellan, only I'm not a dude and I don't speak Spanish

I went exploring again at lunch today and discovered that NOT ONLY am I a ten minute drive from Ikea, but I'm a LESS THAN ten minute drive from Jungle Jim's.

Oh, you don't know what Jungle Jim's is? I'm sorry. Your life, up until now, has been sad and tragic but DON'T WORRY because I am about to BLOW YOUR MIND. Sit down.

Jungle Jim's, claims the website, is six acres under one roof*. And I believe them. I went in to use the ATM and decided to wander around a bit and I thought I might never make my way out. I looked at all of the cheeses, including The Big Cheese, and I wondered whether it would be weird to eat a hunk of cheese for lunch. I did a double-take as I walked past a bear dressed as Elvis and booked it because I still haven't gotten over my fear of the Chuck-E-Cheese monsters characters. (See THIS to be even more frightened.)

The one thing I COULDN'T just walk away from was the bathroom. I know it sounds ridiculous, but if you ever go to Jungle Jim's, make sure you have to pee. Or poo. You can poo in there, too. The bathroom is for onesies or twosies, I always say. Actually that's the first time I've ever said that. The bathroom is for onesies and twosies, I always say. OK, now I've said it twice so it's officially "something I say." Anyway.

Here's the big secret about the bathroom. They look like porta-potties, but inside is all fancy. See? There, now you don't have to go all the way to Ohio to see the bathrooms at Jungle Jim's. Although, you totally should go to Ohio. At least this part of Ohio. We have Jungle Jim's, Ikea, AND Giant Jesus. What else do you need?

Plus, the alcohol section is like . . . bigger than a regular grocery store. It is magical. I didn't even venture into it today because I was afraid I wouldn't make it back to work. True story.

Oh, and outside Jungle Jim's is a lagoon thing with fake jungle animals in it. Take a looksie:



You totally want to go now, don't you? Well, let's go. Then we can take a drive down to Kentucky and go to Dinosaur World.

*they also claim to have the largest cheese selection in the US, so . . . YUM

I meant to post this hours ago but then I saw something shiny and forgot (plus also! grace in small things: day 8)

I think many of us can agree that 2009 has gotten off to a rocky start. Early on in January, when it looked like 2009 was kicking some of my friends square in the face, I theorized that MAYBE 2009 was following that saying about March: In like a lion, out like a lamb. So rest easy, friends. 2009 may suck right now, but by December, you will be swimming in pools of chocolate or money or Hannah Montana dolls or whatever other weird thing you kids are into these days. Also, playing with lambs, if I'm understanding that saying correctly.

I don't know what to expect from this weekend, since it is both the last day of January and the first day of February, but I have high hopes. High, I say! My hopes, not me. Which brings me to my five things for the day:

1. chocolate covered pretzels
2. I have a dinner date with Joe
3. and then later a drinking date with Heidi
4. and then tomorrow morning, I will sleep in
5. and then drink coffee and eat peanut butter toast and hang out in my pajamas watching bad TV and reading

And then, you know, I will shower and get dressed and stuff. Not that I wouldn't love hanging out in my pajamas all day, reading and watching bad TV. Not that I HAVEN'T hung out in my pajamas all day, reading and watching bad TV. I mean, that's basically what I did on Wednesday, only I did get dressed for a little bit and I spent an hour banging ice off my car (that counts as exercise) and also Jillian killed me and really, I don't consider The Biggest Loser bad TV. Anyway. Where was I?

Right. Tomorrow we are celebrating The Birth of Steve (Lampl and Jon will be there!) and then on Sunday, I'm going to my parents' to watch The Super Bowl. Not because I care about the game (pshaw) but because I whined so much about wanting them to make spicy chili that they finally caved, and also I'm going to try and convince them that we should watch The Puppy Bowl instead of football.

So, you know, here are the good things I have going on this weekend: Joe, Heidi, Steve, Lampl, Jon, coffee, peanut butter, pajamas, bad TV, reading, parents, sister, beer, chili, puppies playing football. Please be nice, January.

and then I fell over

Oh, right, I have a blog. Hi, blog! Sorry I've been neglecting you. The thing is, I don't have time to blog at work and when I say blog at work, of course I mean during my lunch break and not when I'm supposed to be doing actual work. Because I've been spending my lunch break WORKING. Not today, though. Today I spent the first half of my lunch break going to Kroger to get wine and baking sheets (not to use together, though) and now I'm ignoring my phone and email, listening to the Dr. Horrible soundtrack, and BLOGGING. Heh, at first I wrote this: BLOGGIN. Which I think I like better. Anyway.

Heidi got a Wii Fit for Christmas, and last night we hooked it up. Well. Heidi hooked it up. I sat there and watched. To be fair, though, hooking it up meant putting in some batteries and pushing some buttons on the Wii, so I really think I'd have just been in the way if I had tried to help.

The Wii Fit started out by grunting in pain when I stepped on the board. That was nice. And then! It told me I was overweight. Ouch, Wii. That hurts. I mean, it wasn't exactly breaking news or anything, but hearing that I did, in fact, eat too many Christmas cookies and drink too much egg nog (fact: I did not drink any egg nog because . . . gross) was the opposite of fun. I watched Heidi do a balance test and dodge some soccer balls, cleats, and panda heads (what?) and then it was my turn.

Well. I did the balance test and the Wii Fit was all, "WTF? Are you 80? Do you find yourself tripping over stuff a lot?" OK, it really didn't say all that EXCEPT for that last thing BECAUSE IT TOTALLY DID ASK IF I TRIP OVER STUFF. This is when Heidi and Joe almost died laughing FOR REALSIES because the Wii knew how clumsy I am after just one test.

Then. I tried to slalom and it went about as well as it does when I try to for-real ski. I ran into more flags than anything else. Honestly, I'm surprised I didn't fall off the board (although, I did when I tried the step aerobics) and when I finished slaloming (is that a word?), the Wii Fit told me I was unbalanced. Which, duh.

I redeemed myself a bit during the hula hooping, I think. I made it all the way through and spun the shit out of some hula hoops. Sure, a couple hula hoops hit me in the head, but you know . . . baby steps. Anyway, here is something brand new. Conversations Between My Roommate and My Boyfriend:

Heidi and Joe: HAHAHAHAHA JENNIE IS UNBALANCED AND LOOKS FUNNY WHEN SHE HULA HOOPS!
Joe: My favorite part was when the hula hoop hit her in the head.
Heidi: Me too!
Joe: Because I feel like . . . if someone threw a hula hoop at her in real life, that's what would happen.
Heidi: Definitely. I also liked her granny-hula-hooping hand gestures.
Me: Thanks, guys.

Can you feel the love? I can. It's cold and hurty.

couple things

• BW3's Wild sauce? Very spicy. Also, makes my tummy hurt. But I'd totally eat it again because OH MY GOD YUM
• I still remember college drinking games
• Heidi made up her own drinking game and it was way better than any other game I've ever played
• My voice is scratchy today from all the yelling and laughing last night
  
• I'm excited to do it all over again tonight

Happy Saturday, Internets. I have to go get ready for a wedding now.

they call me The Jackal

Did you know that Thanksgiving is next week? Well, Thanksgiving is next week. I'm not doing anything crazy this Thanksgiving, like running a race or driving 896 hours to DC, because I'm working the day after Thanksgiving. I'm OK with this (no, I'm not fuckshitdamn). I am, however, attempting the unimaginable. I'm cooking something for Thanksgiving dinner.

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

Alright, FINE, I'm only making the green bean casserole. And for some reason my mom already bought all the ingredients, so I just have to go over and mix them all together. I realize green bean casserole is like, the easiest thing EVER to make, but last time I asked if I could make anything, I was put in charge of bringing the rolls. Bring them I did, and they were delicious, but I wanted a bit more responsibility this year, especially since I will most likely end up eating at least half of the mashed potatoes.

Speaking of food, I forgot it's the time of year where I eat nonstop. Crap. Like, yesterday, we had a carry in for someone's birthday. I brought macaroni salad (bought, not made), and there were deviled eggs and appetizers and fruit and BBQ chicken and OH MY GOD the best broccoli cheese soup I have ever had in my entire life. Today my boss is ordering pizza for lunch and I'm going to try and avoid it since I had pizza for dinner last night, but if it's really good pizza, I'm not sure I'll be able to. There are also leftover bagels and muffins that we stole from the IT department's meeting yesterday. What, it's not like they were going to eat it. They don't even eat. They survive on coffee and cigarettes.

My point is, I picked a bad week to forget to work out. (Forget, heh.) So I should probably do that tonight. And tomorrow. And then it's the weekend, so all bets are off, because my friends will be here and, this is just a guess, but I think they'll want to do all manner of unhealthy things, what with the eating good food and drinking good booze and . . . that's pretty much it. I'll barely have time to sleep, let alone work out. Please. Priorities, people.

If I were joking, you'd be laughing. Do you look like you're laughing?

Yesterday morning, I had this conversation with my boss:

Boss: How was your weekend?
Me: Good. Yours?
Boss: Oh, fine. I love your hair color.
Me: Thanks?
Boss: Is that your natural color?
Me: Yeah.
Boss: It's very pretty. I used to have pretty hair like that.

Does that sound weird? What if I told you my boss was a man? I mean, I'd be lying if I said that, but it would be weird, right? If my boss was a man? And told me I had pretty hair? Anyway. Moving on.

This morning, there were some of those tiny, chocolate donuts sitting on the counter. This counter is where all the free-for-all food goes. Some mornings there is banana bread! Other mornings there are muffins. Sometimes a bag of McDonald's breakfast sandwiches is sitting there and SOME MORNINGS a bag of chocolate chip cookies is sitting there. Like yesterday. Yesterday there were chocolate chip cookies. When there are cookies on the counter in the morning, we call them breakfast cookies and eat them for breakfast and since we call them breakfast cookies they are healthy. It's true. SCIENCE.

Right, so, there were tiny donuts. And I had no idea where they came from and I don't even particularly LIKE these tiny, chocolate donuts (the taste, it has a hint of plastic) but I ate one anyway. And then it occurred to me. I had no idea who'd put the donuts there. No one ever knows where the food on the free-for-all counter comes from. These donuts could have been planted by an evil evil-doer planning to do evil by...I don't know, poisoning the HR department. That'd be pretty evil. Plus, lots of people want to poison us right now on account of it's open enrollment and IT'S ALL OUR FAULT THAT BENEFITS COST SO MUCH. Ahem. Then I decided I didn't really care if the food was poisoned and had another donut.

You guys, this is the longest week ever and I know I say that every week but this time I mean it. I have volunteering tonight and at some point this week I really need to get an oil change (my car needs lubed something fierce) and I need to get a wedding card because, oh, did I tell you? I'm going to another wedding this weekend! This is good, though, because lots and lots of friends are going, too, and faraway friends are coming to visit and this doesn't happen nearly often enough. I may need all of next week to recover from their visit, so it's a good thing that A) next week is Thanksgiving week and B) I did not do anything stupid like agree to run a 5 mile race at 8 AM. It's not often I make good decisions, so I'm relishing the one I made to NOT run for a while. Especially since I think Jillian Michaels fucked up my knee.

Long Island iced teas are way stronger in Canada

Last night, Whitney was in town which was GOOD because she lives in Chicago and we don't get to see her often enough. But she had to go back this morning to go to a bowling party for a four-year-old which is BAD on soooo many levels.

We spent our time wisely, though, drinking wine and eating Penn Station, for you see, there are no Penn Stations in Chicago so that is Whitney's food of choice whenever she's in town. This is obviously fine with me, as the young men at the Penn Station by our apartment know Heidi and I by name.

And then, of course, there was Wii. We began with Rock Band but Nancy soon wanted to open her newly purchased Guitar Hero: World Tour. We played that for a while, and I'm still not sure which I prefer: Rock Band or World Tour. The drums on World Tour are FAR, FAR superior and the songs are very good. I almost lost my voice belting out "Livin' on a Prayer" and was the only one who knew "Some Might Say," although there were technical difficulties when I tried to sing "One Way Or Another" (the microphone was plugged into the wrong hole HAHATHAT'SWHATSHESAID).

But. While the instruments on World Tour are better (the guitar has a slide thingie and I don't know how to use it or anything, but I'd imagine it'd be fun for more experienced users), I prefer the layout of the actual Rock Band game. I think I'd recommend waiting for the next wave of World Tour, whenever that may be, before buying the first version. I'm sure they'll be making improvements.

Plus, Nancy has this WHOLE OTHER Rock Band song list that included "More Than a Feeling" and "All the Small Things." Hello, that's awesome.

I didn't mean for this to turn into a commercial for Wii, but I can't help it. Sorry, but deal with it. It's Saturday, what do you want from me? I managed to do a load of laundry so far today PLUS ALSO enroll in my benefits for next year. This is good, because we're running a report at work on Monday to see what lazy employees haven't enrolled yet, and I'd hate to be the only slacker HR lackey on there. Close call.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go make a grilled cheese sandwich and then maybe JUST MAYBE play some Guitar Hero. Good day to you, Internets.

I SAID GOOD DAY.

Did you hear that? That was my mind blowing.

You guys. I just got gas for under $20! And my car was on empty! Sure, my car is tiny and the total was $19.19 but last time I checked, $19.19 is still under $20, so suck it, haters.

I don't know why, but ever since the time changed, I've been wanting to go to bed earlier and earlier. Like, the other night, I looked outside and saw it was all dark and thought, "I should get ready for bed soon." It was 7:30.

Today has been a good day, food-wise. And since it's Monday and I'm at work, I would like to focus on the food goodness, not the work suckness. One of my coworkers likes to get up at the asscrack of dawn and bake before work. This is completely unreal to me. I get out of bed no earlier than I absolutely have to. I've tried, but it makes me want to die. Even at my old job, there were days I wouldn't have to be at work until like 11 or noon, and I'd still sleep as late as possible. I'd just stay up later. I'm a night owl. Hooooo hoooooooo. Wow. Although, seeing as how I'm trying to go to bed at 7:30, maybe I'm less of a night owl and more of a Rip Van Winkle. Or something. I don't know.

Aaaaanyway, so this lady brought in pumpkin bread this morning. It was delicious, although at first, I thought it was banana bread so that first bite was all sorts of confusing. Sort of like when you think you have a glass of water in front of you, but you take a drink and it's straight vodka. It happens. I saw it once.

Then I remembered that it's Free Cookie Monday at Subway, so that's what I'm doing right now. Free cookies taste so much better than cookies you have to pay for. It's economics or something.

I AM SOFA KING NERVOUS

Hi, Internets. Did you vote yet? I hope so. Even if you voted for the wrong person (hee), I think it's important that you vote. At least then you can complain for the next four years if your candidate loses. Hell, you can complain for the next four years if your candidate wins. That's what's beautiful about this country -- you can complain as long and as loudly as you want and no one gives a shit. Hee.

I wish I'd gone to vote early this morning, because then I could be drinking free Starbucks right now. But that would have meant I needed to get up even earlier than I do already, and that thought makes me want to cry. So I'll go at lunch, and if there's a long line and I have to miss work, so be it. It's the least I can do for my country. Actually, the least I could do for my country would be to NOT vote, but again . . . see above, re: complaining.

Heidi and I ended up tossing out the "watching the returns from a bar" plan when I suggested we just make chili and invite people over. Dude, people love chili. Also, beer. And cornbread! Mmm, cornbread. I wish it was time for chili now because that would mean I'd already voted, work was over, and it was time for the results to start coming in.

We made the chili last night and it looks so good. I wish I could invite you guys over. I mean, if you want to travel all the way to Ohio, then go for it. The more the merrier. You know, just bring extra booze because we only have so much of it and I know how much some of you can drink. Heh. Heidi went to the grocery last night to buy another can of beans, because we were worried we wouldn't have enough, and while she was gone, I decided to dice the onion. First I had to Google "how to dice an onion," NOT that I couldn't have figured it out on my own, but I like to follow directions. That's a lie. I had no idea how to dice an onion, other than to start chopping the shit out of it with a knife. I had to take a couple breaks because it was making me CRY, CRY, CRY, sort of like how I cried four years ago when W was reelected. Once the crying stopped, my friend Katie called me from DC and the conversation went something like this:

Her: Hey.
Me: Hey. What are you doing?
Her: Oh, you know. I'm just standing in front of the White House. Staring.
Me: Yeah.
Her: The Metro was really quiet today.
Me: I'll bet.
Her: This sucks.
Me: Yeah. I'm gonna go back to sleep.
Her: OK.
Me: ...
Her: ...

It was a depressing day, is what I'm saying. Also, I live blogged the election last time. I might do it again this year. If I remember. Heidi, will you remind me? You know how my brain forgets things. It can be the "Jennie and Heidi live-blog the election show." We'll be famous. FAMOUSER. Anyway, where was I? Oh, right. Onions. They were making me cry. And when Heidi came home, she was all, "holy lord, it smells like an onion exploded in here," and she was right. Even this morning it still smelled like onions, despite the fact that I ran through the apartment spraying Oust everywhere and lighting candles and opening windows. Damn, Gina.

Last night, I also did the 30 Day Shred video again and didn't want to die quite as much as I did the first time. And I'm not as sore today as I was before, so . . . yay. And then I watched like four episodes of Lost because did you know they show it on Sci-fi now? Awesome. It still doesn't make any sense, but that's why I love that show. Also, Matthew Fox is hot, even though Jack is really annoying. My favorite one that was on last night was the one where Hurley is in charge of the food, and he gives it all away in the end and it totally made me cry. Or maybe it was just the onion.