- BW3's Wild sauce? Very spicy. Also, makes my tummy hurt. But I'd totally eat it again because OH MY GOD YUM
- I still remember college drinking games
- Heidi made up her own drinking game and it was way better than any other game I've ever played
- My voice is scratchy today from all the yelling and laughing last night
- I'm excited to do it all over again tonight
Showing posts with label oh the laughter it hurts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label oh the laughter it hurts. Show all posts
Saturday, November 22, 2008
couple things
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
In Whoville they say that the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day
I still don't have power but it's OK [cue hysterical laughter] because who needs power? Not me. I don't need power at all. I'll just read by candlelight for the rest of my life UNTIL I GO BLIND IN FIVE DAYS BECAUSE DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO READ BY CANDLELIGHT? IT'S HARD THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.
Ahem. At least people I know have power. If I couldn't get out of our dark apartment, I'd have jumped off the balcony by now, which wouldn't have even killed me. I'd have just broken my leg or something and sat there in the dark crying about my stupid, broken leg. Wah wah waaaaaaaaah.
Last night, we went over to my parents' powerless house because they had a lot of meat they wanted to get rid of on account of it would soon be rancid. My dad grilled steak, chicken, hot dogs, cheesy brauts, and hamburgers while my uncle made this potato-cheese-casserole stuff on a camping stove. At one point, I walked by my dad, who hadn't eaten yet because he'd been grilling 96 pounds of meat, and he was all, "I'm having fun!" and my uncle (who also hadn't eaten) added, "We'll all look back on this someday and laugh." But as I stood there, listening to all the conversation and giggling (mostly due to one cousin in particular, who shall remain nameless), it was nice to know we wouldn't have to wait until someday to start laughing.
Ahem. At least people I know have power. If I couldn't get out of our dark apartment, I'd have jumped off the balcony by now, which wouldn't have even killed me. I'd have just broken my leg or something and sat there in the dark crying about my stupid, broken leg. Wah wah waaaaaaaaah.
Last night, we went over to my parents' powerless house because they had a lot of meat they wanted to get rid of on account of it would soon be rancid. My dad grilled steak, chicken, hot dogs, cheesy brauts, and hamburgers while my uncle made this potato-cheese-casserole stuff on a camping stove. At one point, I walked by my dad, who hadn't eaten yet because he'd been grilling 96 pounds of meat, and he was all, "I'm having fun!" and my uncle (who also hadn't eaten) added, "We'll all look back on this someday and laugh." But as I stood there, listening to all the conversation and giggling (mostly due to one cousin in particular, who shall remain nameless), it was nice to know we wouldn't have to wait until someday to start laughing.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
The Big Brain am winning again! I am the greetest!
You guys, sometimes I am for realsies a bitch FOR NO RAISIN. It just happens. I like to think the people I'm a bitch to bring it on themselves, which was totally true yesterday when I made that old man flip me off.
See, there's this intersection near our apartment. And going one direction, the right lane quickly ends as soon as you drive THROUGH the intersection. People know this. But. Instead of being polite and getting in the left lane, which is almost always much longer BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS THE RIGHT LANE ENDS, there are those who bypass the politeness system and get in the right lane, so they can speed around everyone in the left lane before we get through the intersection. Whenever I can, I make sure not to let these people in front of me because they are assholes. And I can't let assholes in front of me because then I'd be staring at an asshole for the rest of the drive to work and who wants to do that?
Yesterday I was sitting in the left lane, waiting for the light to turn green and fuming at the line of cars appearing in the right lane. There was an old man in an old man car next to me and right then and there I was all, "He's not getting in front of me! He's old! He'll drive slow and I'll be late!" So the light turned green. I stepped on the accelerator and so did the old man. He was right next to me and I knew he wanted over but I didn't let him. And then he had to get behind me or, you know, drive off of the road, which I believe, I BELIEVE, is something most people try to avoid. And then I said, "HAHAHA! TAKE THAT, OLD MAN!" and then he said, "HONK HONK HONK HOOOOOOONK!" and I said, "Hon't you blow your horn at me, you old fart! You did this to yourself!" and then HE said, "HONK HONK HONK HOOOOOOOONK!" and that's when I flipped him off and then that's when he flipped me off and YES I flipped off an old man but he totally deserved it the end.
See, there's this intersection near our apartment. And going one direction, the right lane quickly ends as soon as you drive THROUGH the intersection. People know this. But. Instead of being polite and getting in the left lane, which is almost always much longer BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS THE RIGHT LANE ENDS, there are those who bypass the politeness system and get in the right lane, so they can speed around everyone in the left lane before we get through the intersection. Whenever I can, I make sure not to let these people in front of me because they are assholes. And I can't let assholes in front of me because then I'd be staring at an asshole for the rest of the drive to work and who wants to do that?
Yesterday I was sitting in the left lane, waiting for the light to turn green and fuming at the line of cars appearing in the right lane. There was an old man in an old man car next to me and right then and there I was all, "He's not getting in front of me! He's old! He'll drive slow and I'll be late!" So the light turned green. I stepped on the accelerator and so did the old man. He was right next to me and I knew he wanted over but I didn't let him. And then he had to get behind me or, you know, drive off of the road, which I believe, I BELIEVE, is something most people try to avoid. And then I said, "HAHAHA! TAKE THAT, OLD MAN!" and then he said, "HONK HONK HONK HOOOOOOONK!" and I said, "Hon't you blow your horn at me, you old fart! You did this to yourself!" and then HE said, "HONK HONK HONK HOOOOOOOONK!" and that's when I flipped him off and then that's when he flipped me off and YES I flipped off an old man but he totally deserved it the end.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
It’s so watery. And yet there’s a smack of ham to it.
Yesterday afternoon, while I was sitting around at work, waiting for someone to tell me I could go home early, I opened Google Reader to find that Kat had shared a recipe.
Sidenote: if that sentence didn't make sense, it's because you're not using Google Reader and if you're not using Google Reader, I have to ask, "what the hell is wrong with you?"
Anyway, this is the recipe: Wiener Water Soup. Yes, you read that correctly. Wiener Water Soup. It gets even funnier when you read the ingredients:
1 pkg. wieners
3 c. water
And it gets even FUNNIER when you read the instructions:
Combine wieners and water in a two quart saucepan. Bring to a boil until wieners are cooked. Throw the wieners in the garbage. Serve soup. Serves 3.
You guys, I'm not kidding, when I read this, I had to take a moment. I laughed so hard, I was crying and I was terrified, TERRIFIED, that someone would walk past my office, because I had my head down on my desk and I was clutching my stomach because OH, THE LAUGHTER, IT HURTS! Even now, as I sit here by myself on the sofa, I am laughing SO HARD. Every time I think of it, I start laughing. WIENER WATER SOUP. Something about the combination of those words makes me LOSE MY FREAKING MIND. AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Ahem. I'm going to try to compose myself. So, soon after the Wiener Water Soup (HAHAHAHAHA) episode, someone came around and was all, "you guys can leave at 4," and that's all I needed to hear. I called Heidi on my way out, because I am an asshole who likes to rub my good fortune RIGHT IN YOUR FACE. We talked a while about the Wiener Water Soup, but the topic soon shifted quite a bit:
Me: I have to go pick up my anti-baby pills.
Heidi: Yeah, that's important.
Me: Do you think if I talked to the doctor, she'd give me a hysterectomy?
Heidi: Um, no, I don't think if you talked to the doctor, she'd give you a hysterectomy.
Me: Fine, then I'll go get one in Mexico.
Heidi: Good idea. But what happens in ten years when you decide you want kids?
Me: Ew. And anyway, I'll just freeze some eggs.
Heidi: OK. Are you just gonna go down there and be like, "hey, you on the side of the road, are you a doctor?"
Me: Yes. As long as he has a van.
Heidi: Hahaha.
Me: "His van was so clean!"
Heidi: "He used Purell!"
Me: "And I saw him wash his hands, WHAT MORE DO I NEED?"
Heidi: This is foolproof.
Me: Indeed. On that note, I'm gonna go.
True story. Only I probably won't go to Mexico to get a hysterectomy. Because, duh, I'd go to Canada.
Sidenote: if that sentence didn't make sense, it's because you're not using Google Reader and if you're not using Google Reader, I have to ask, "what the hell is wrong with you?"
Anyway, this is the recipe: Wiener Water Soup. Yes, you read that correctly. Wiener Water Soup. It gets even funnier when you read the ingredients:
1 pkg. wieners
3 c. water
And it gets even FUNNIER when you read the instructions:
Combine wieners and water in a two quart saucepan. Bring to a boil until wieners are cooked. Throw the wieners in the garbage. Serve soup. Serves 3.
You guys, I'm not kidding, when I read this, I had to take a moment. I laughed so hard, I was crying and I was terrified, TERRIFIED, that someone would walk past my office, because I had my head down on my desk and I was clutching my stomach because OH, THE LAUGHTER, IT HURTS! Even now, as I sit here by myself on the sofa, I am laughing SO HARD. Every time I think of it, I start laughing. WIENER WATER SOUP. Something about the combination of those words makes me LOSE MY FREAKING MIND. AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Ahem. I'm going to try to compose myself. So, soon after the Wiener Water Soup (HAHAHAHAHA) episode, someone came around and was all, "you guys can leave at 4," and that's all I needed to hear. I called Heidi on my way out, because I am an asshole who likes to rub my good fortune RIGHT IN YOUR FACE. We talked a while about the Wiener Water Soup, but the topic soon shifted quite a bit:
Me: I have to go pick up my anti-baby pills.
Heidi: Yeah, that's important.
Me: Do you think if I talked to the doctor, she'd give me a hysterectomy?
Heidi: Um, no, I don't think if you talked to the doctor, she'd give you a hysterectomy.
Me: Fine, then I'll go get one in Mexico.
Heidi: Good idea. But what happens in ten years when you decide you want kids?
Me: Ew. And anyway, I'll just freeze some eggs.
Heidi: OK. Are you just gonna go down there and be like, "hey, you on the side of the road, are you a doctor?"
Me: Yes. As long as he has a van.
Heidi: Hahaha.
Me: "His van was so clean!"
Heidi: "He used Purell!"
Me: "And I saw him wash his hands, WHAT MORE DO I NEED?"
Heidi: This is foolproof.
Me: Indeed. On that note, I'm gonna go.
True story. Only I probably won't go to Mexico to get a hysterectomy. Because, duh, I'd go to Canada.
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