I felt a great disturbance in The Force

I have some bad news. Really bad. You should probably sit down. I got to work today at the same time I always do, checked my work email, and then went to see if it was my turn on Scrabulous. And . . . oh god . . . it was GONE. JUST GONE. NO MORE SCRABULOUS. I guess it's because Hasbro hates me and wants me to cry all day long.

You guys, I am a mess and not just because of the Scrabulous loss. I came back from Put-in-Bay with a wicked sunburn, a huge bruise on my knee and no recollection of obtaining it, and a blister on my hand from burning it on the oven. This is why I shouldn't try to cook. People only get hurt, and by people, I mean ME. Also all the people who get food poisoning. Then yesterday, I tried to tune my guitar and a string broke and whipped me on the wrist. It hurt. You may be asking yourself, "why is Jennie tuning a guitar?" or maybe even, "Jennie has a guitar?" and the answers are, "because an out of tune guitar sounds like shit," and, "yes, I do have a guitar." I bought it my senior year of high school because I thought teaching myself to play would be easier than it was. Also because it was blue. It turns out, teaching yourself how to play the guitar is NOT easy. I think I was hoping I would just pick up the guitar and magically know how to play. Like I'd be the Rainman of singer-songwriting. Alas, I am not. So, recently, I got a book to help teach me and yesterday was the first day I actually TRIED to do anything and then a stupid string broke. AND THEN (no and then!) I realized that I haven't changed the strings since I got the guitar. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it wasn't like I was playing it or anything. So. Moral of the story? I need new strings.

After I broke my guitar, I decided to go running and I almost died. I know I say that every time, but a combination of very little sleep this weekend, spending too much time in the sun, the HOT HOT HEAT and HUMID HUMID, um, HUMIDITY, and the fact that I haven't run in weeks meant I seriously for real almost fell on the sidewalk and died. I know this means I need to start running in the morning before work, but waking up that early makes me die, too. This is really a losing situation any way you look at it.

Worst. Post. Ever.

Last night, we went to see WarGames at the movie theater. Yes, WarGames came out 25 years ago. Yes, movies are hella expensive. Yes, I just said hella. But WarGames is a movie of awesomely 80s goodness and it was Thursday night and The Office is in reruns, so what else is there to do? Nothing, that's what.

There were approximately 10 other people in the theater with us. We were all enjoying the movie when, about three-fourths of the way through it, BOOM the screen went black. Everyone just sat there for a while and I was all, "I don't think this is part of the movie," because stating the obvious is what I do. A couple of minutes later, the lights came back on. Ruh-roh, we thought, and ruh-roh was right. The movie was being projected through space or something by a satellite and the satellite feed was interrupted because space pirates blew up the satellite. This is what I'm assuming happened, anyway. They were trying to fix it, but in the meantime, if you didn't want to wait, you could get a refund. So we got a refund. Which meant we saw three-fourths of WarGames in the theater for free. Win win win! Mostly.

Today has already lasted approximately 95 hours. I counted each one, so I know it's true. And now, for no particular reason, allow me to tell you what I have in my purse right now:

• wallet
• chapstick
• three tubes of lip gloss
• a Flex Spending check
• cell phone
• 2 barrettes (red and blue)
• a granola bar
• gum
• a tiny notebook with drawings from Philly in it
• lotion
• three pens
• The Virgin Suicides (10 more pages to read at lunch!)
• Lord of the Flies (to start at lunch when I finish The Virgin Suicides)

Wasn't that exciting? I know. It was. You're wondering if your life will ever be the same now that you know what's in my purse. No. No, it won't be the same. I hope that eases your mind.

I'm bored, Internets. Entertain me, please. Or at least give me something better to write about than the contents of my purse.

It's curtains for you, Dr. Horrible. Lacy, gently wafting curtains.

Hello, Internets. I barely have the energy to type this. I'm just . . . so . . . tired.

Heh. I'm really on edge right now, because they're doing some construction or something downstairs and they're drilling and it sounds like the loudest fart ever. Like, say someone farted so loud that your head exploded? That's how loud the drilling is, only my head hasn't exploded yet because drilling doesn't make heads explode, only farting does.

This morning I watched Saved by the Bell as I was getting ready for work. It was the one where Zach hires Screech to tutor Kelly so Kelly will pass her test and take Zach to see George Michael. That sounds really complicated, doesn't it? No. It doesn't. What's wrong with you? Anyway, Kelly goes over to Screech's house and he has a robot in his room named Kevin who is sort of a rip off of Johnny 5. But then again, so is Wall-E. WHAT? I love Wall-E, too, but COME ON. He looks like the love child of Johnny 5 and E.T. and if you think Johnny 5 and E.T. never got it on, then you are sorely mistaken. They had a brief, illicit affair in the hills of Montana one summer. Does Montana have hills? IRRELEVANT.

Um. Right. I thought it would be fun to recap an episode of Saved by the Bell, but I didn't get to finish watching the one this morning, because my boss says that I can't call in late to work just because I want to finish watching a TV show. Even if it's Saved by the Bell. If I'd seen the whole episode, though, I'd recap the shit out of it. I don't remember what happens in that one, even though I've seen every episode of Saved by the Bell at least three times. AT LEAST. Remember that time Tori Spelling was on that show? What the hell?

Anyway, so my point is, I saw two movies this weekend. What do you mean that has nothing to do with Saved by the Bell? ZIP YOUR LID. I saw The Dark Knight, which was as amazing as everyone said it would be. I also saw Mamma Mia!, which made me want to rip out my eyeballs and shove them in my ears so I wouldn't have to experience that cinematic Armageddon any longer. Yikes, you guys, that movie was ten shades of awful. It hurts me to say that about a movie Mr. Darcy was in, but that's how bad the movie was. SO BAD. You know what made up for it, though? Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-long Blog. I hope you watched it. If you didn't, I hope you had a good excuse, like you were feeding hungry orphans melted chocolate from an eye dropper or something.

Help!

I've been kidnapped by pirates!

Just kidding. I do need help, though. Not like mental help, but I have a question. Do you guys remember that toy that was like . . . um, OK. It was filled with water and had little plastic balls (hee) in it and when you pushed buttons at the bottom, it pushed air into the water and made the balls (hee) move around. I had one with a red base. Joe used to play with his at the doctor's office (hee). I tried to Google it, but when you Google "80s toy water balls," you get really weird results.

So, yeah. If you could tell me what that toy is called and where I might find one, that'd be awesome. Good talk.

I love the YouTubes

You guys. This was my favorite movie EVER:



Except for ET. And The Wizard of Oz. And maybe this movie:

everything it seems I like's a little bit sweeter, a little bit fatter, a little bit harmful for me

Hey, guys. How's it going? Good? I'm glad. I know I've been ignoring you lately and I'm afraid it's not going to get any better. It's just that this summer has exploded with awesomeness and I'm busy. Really busy. You know. Seeing movies and going to wedding-related functions and next weekend? Celebrating Christmas-in-July up north with some friends. I could tell you exactly where, but I just like saying "up north." Not like Canada north, I'm afraid, but north of here. Oh my god, Jennie, shut up.

I went to two cookouts this past weekend. TWO. In two days. TWO DAYS. The weekend before I last I went to two cookouts ON THE SAME DAY. I'm not going to lie to you, I LOVE COOKOUTS. But if I continue to eat cookout food at the rate I am currently eating it, I will weigh 800 pounds by the end of the summer. And then I'd have to get one of those little motorized scooters to carry me around and I can't afford one of those.

Um. Anyway. The cookout on Saturday was for Heidi's friend's wedding. They got married a couple weeks ago and their reception was this giant cookout and IT WAS DELICIOUS. They put Rock Em Sock Em Robots on top of the cake instead of a tiny bride and groom. I approve of this. I approved of the cookout, too, until I ate a giant piece of chocolate wedding cake and felt like vomiting for the rest of the day. I don't care. It was worth it.

The cookout on Sunday was for all the volunteers and kids and parents from, um, the place I volunteer. I was put in charge of bringing some water balloons, so Joe and I turned the kitchen into a water balloon factory and I had to take the picture over the sink down because we sort of got water EVERYWHERE. It could have been worse, I suppose. Like, we put all the balloons into the laundry basket and say I'd accidentally dropped a bunch of safety pins in the laundry basket, causing a horrible water-balloon-exploding effect that soaked the entire apartment, including Phoebe. That would have been worse.

At the actual cookout, the water balloons lasted approximately 3.4 minutes once the kids saw them. And they had these long stick things (heh) that you fill up with water and shove one end in and water shoots out the other. I'd never seen them before, but the kids played with them for the entire time and most of them looked like they'd jumped in a pool with all of their clothes on which is CRAZY WHO WOULD DO THAT? Oh, wait, actually I have done that. Hmm. Anyway, I also met an undertaker. He was . . . interesting. He told us that their funeral home now cremates pets and one of their best customers (his words) is this lady who has 68 cats. Yeah, you read that right. 68 cats. She has a separate house for them. Yeah, you read that right.

PS: Have you wished Kat happy birthday yet? Don't be rude, Internets.

FACT

I love bananas, but not foods or drinks that are banana-flavored.

I hate (raw) tomatoes, but I like salsa, ketchup, marinara and pizza sauce, and dishes with tomatoes cooked in them.

Cooked carrots make me gag, but I eat raw, baby carrots every day.

Um.

That's all I've got today, Internets. Happy Friday.