I spent the majority of last night talking to new volunteers about my own volunteering experience, and then teaching them how to color and play Candy Land. Most people probably think they already know HOW to color and play Candy Land. And you're probably OK at it. But I'm like . . . wicked awesome at it. Alright, really, we color just like everyone else does but you have to practice this reflective play crap and hone your listening skills and all that junk. So that was my job last night -- to teach new people how to do that. And I got to color. And play Candy Land. This isn't normal Candy Land, though, it's Grief Candy Land and you talk about dead people the whole time. Not zombie dead people, but like dead relatives and friends and stuff. The Happy Factor of Candy Land cancels out all the emo, though, so don't worry.
Anyway, when I walked out to the parking lot after THREE HOURS of training and coloring and whatnot, I squinted through the darkness at my car. Something didn't look right. And then it hit me.
MY OBAMA STICKER WAS GONE.
That's right. Someone STOLE the Obama sticker right off my bumper. I'll admit, a couple of years ago when W and Bush/Cheney stickers were all over the place, I would feel some rage every now and then and think about swiping them, but I'd never actually do it. Because I'm an adult. A RESPONSIBLE adult (most of the time). Plus, getting bumper stickers off of bumpers is really hard (that'swhatshesaid) and I'll say this for the thief . . . they got every bit of that sticker off of my car. So, thanks for that, I guess.
I don't know when it happened. It could have happened in our apartment complex lot, because Heidi's (new!) car was vandalized, too, only we don't really know if that happened in our parking lot, either. It could have been stolen when my car was in my work parking lot. A lot of my coworkers were really upset the day after the election, but the coworker who listened to conservative talk radio all day is no longer here, so it couldn't have been her. PLUS, I really think this is something I would have noticed it right away. Which means someone stole it from the parking lot of a center for grieving children while I was inside teaching other volunteers how to help said children through their grief. I feel sort of sorry for whoever stole my sticker because they are clearly going straight to hell and I've heard Satan does not pass out free ice cream*.
*he might pass out free hot chocolate if hell freezes over, though
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Should I be running right now? Totes magotes.
Hi, Internets. I'm just sitting around. Waiting for everything in the universe to align in such a way that I know it's a good time to go running. I know it's not a good time right now because I'm sort of thirsty and trying to get rid of the tiny headache I woke up with. It seems unfair to have a headache when I didn't do any drinking last night, but oh well. I really do need to go running, though. I ate cheese fries AGAIN last night and, while I did not partake in any 123 GoBox action at the movies, we did go to Graeter's afterward and I totes magotes got a chocolate milkshake.
We saw I Love You, Man, which is why I cannot stop quoting Paul Rudd. I think, in the past 12 hours or so, I have said, "totes magotes," approximately 87 times and I've almost perfected saying "slappin' da bass, mon," like a leprechaun. Anyway.
Crap. My iPod is fully charged now. Almost time to go running. I need to eat a banana first. You know, for energy.
I'm sort of too tired to go running because I spent part of the morning being really productive and going through stuff in my room to get rid of. Because the only time I feel inspired to get rid of anything is when I'm moving. Otherwise I don't throw anything away because OH MY GOD WHAT IF I NEED IT? It's a problem. Then there are those things that I have no use for, but I can't get rid of, like yearbooks and journals from high school. What can you do with those, other than shove them under the bed so no one ever, ever looks at them?
I think that's it. You are all caught up with my life. Oh! Except. Earlier I took some stuff to the dumpster and a goose chased me through the parking lot. I wasn't even doing anything to it! I even walked way around it so I wouldn't bother it, and I didn't make eye contact because geeses hate it when you make eye contact. It's true. The goose told me so when it chased me. It also threatened to cut me, which is total bullshit because what's it gonna do? Hold a switchblade in it's beak? Please. Don't be ridiculous.
Just kidding, goose, please don't cut me.
Fin.
We saw I Love You, Man, which is why I cannot stop quoting Paul Rudd. I think, in the past 12 hours or so, I have said, "totes magotes," approximately 87 times and I've almost perfected saying "slappin' da bass, mon," like a leprechaun. Anyway.
Crap. My iPod is fully charged now. Almost time to go running. I need to eat a banana first. You know, for energy.
I'm sort of too tired to go running because I spent part of the morning being really productive and going through stuff in my room to get rid of. Because the only time I feel inspired to get rid of anything is when I'm moving. Otherwise I don't throw anything away because OH MY GOD WHAT IF I NEED IT? It's a problem. Then there are those things that I have no use for, but I can't get rid of, like yearbooks and journals from high school. What can you do with those, other than shove them under the bed so no one ever, ever looks at them?
I think that's it. You are all caught up with my life. Oh! Except. Earlier I took some stuff to the dumpster and a goose chased me through the parking lot. I wasn't even doing anything to it! I even walked way around it so I wouldn't bother it, and I didn't make eye contact because geeses hate it when you make eye contact. It's true. The goose told me so when it chased me. It also threatened to cut me, which is total bullshit because what's it gonna do? Hold a switchblade in it's beak? Please. Don't be ridiculous.
Just kidding, goose, please don't cut me.
Fin.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Scotch and Splenda. Tastes like Splenda, gets you drunk like Scotch.
You guys, I had the weirdest dream last night. I dreamt I was on Lost island and I was running around the Dharma Initiative village with Juliet and then Ben shot an arrow into my hand. It did not feel good. It was a tiny arrow, though, and when Juliet pulled it out (heh), there was a hole in my hand. Also weird. Anyway.
I blame the Guinness I had with dinner, because whenever I have a glass or two of beer in the evening or whatever, I always have crazy, vivid dreams. You know, like getting an arrow shot through my hand. OW. I know it was only a dream, but I really think going through that whole ordeal, what with the bleeding and the pain and THE ARROW STICKING OUT OF MY HAND, made me a stronger person. If I ever for-realsies get shot in the hand with an arrow, I think I'd be OK. I hope my brain doesn't know something I don't. Like, what if it knows that sometime in the future, I get shot in the hand with an arrow? And it's trying to prepare me for it. I don't know why I'd be somewhere that I'd get shot in the arrow. Maybe it happens in the Zombie Revolution that is sure to occur in the next 20 years or so. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Maybe it wasn't the Guinness. I also had a Monster Grilled Cheese sandwich AND Pub Fries covered in 10 pounds of cheese, so maybe the cheese made the dreams. It was a lot of cheese. Like, all different kinds of cheese, too. I mean, I really like cheese (all kinds) but this was just A LOT of cheese all up in my business. Yep, I'm still talking about cheese.
Anyway. Last night, we went to see a live taping of Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me, and it was really cool even though they made fun of Dayton the whole time. I don't blame them, really. Dayton is very make-fun-able.
Next week is my last week at this job, and after watching The Office last night, I realize I've been TOTALLY WASTING my two-week-notice-immunity period. Apparently I should have been throwing stuff at my coworkers, mixing disgusting drinks, and planning to start my own paper company. Oh well. There's always next week. Maybe I'll totally Hef it up and wear pajamas and a robe every day.
So, Joe got a Blackberry the other day and keeps expressing his amazement that HE HAS THE INTERNET! ON HIS PHONE! Seriously. The Internet. On the phone. Yesterday he was all:
Joe: I'm gonna blog about how I have the Internet on my phone.
Me: OK.
Joe: Do you think I can get a whole post out of that?
Me: Um, I've gotten whole posts out of far less.
Example: see above.
I blame the Guinness I had with dinner, because whenever I have a glass or two of beer in the evening or whatever, I always have crazy, vivid dreams. You know, like getting an arrow shot through my hand. OW. I know it was only a dream, but I really think going through that whole ordeal, what with the bleeding and the pain and THE ARROW STICKING OUT OF MY HAND, made me a stronger person. If I ever for-realsies get shot in the hand with an arrow, I think I'd be OK. I hope my brain doesn't know something I don't. Like, what if it knows that sometime in the future, I get shot in the hand with an arrow? And it's trying to prepare me for it. I don't know why I'd be somewhere that I'd get shot in the arrow. Maybe it happens in the Zombie Revolution that is sure to occur in the next 20 years or so. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Maybe it wasn't the Guinness. I also had a Monster Grilled Cheese sandwich AND Pub Fries covered in 10 pounds of cheese, so maybe the cheese made the dreams. It was a lot of cheese. Like, all different kinds of cheese, too. I mean, I really like cheese (all kinds) but this was just A LOT of cheese all up in my business. Yep, I'm still talking about cheese.
Anyway. Last night, we went to see a live taping of Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me, and it was really cool even though they made fun of Dayton the whole time. I don't blame them, really. Dayton is very make-fun-able.
Next week is my last week at this job, and after watching The Office last night, I realize I've been TOTALLY WASTING my two-week-notice-immunity period. Apparently I should have been throwing stuff at my coworkers, mixing disgusting drinks, and planning to start my own paper company. Oh well. There's always next week. Maybe I'll totally Hef it up and wear pajamas and a robe every day.
So, Joe got a Blackberry the other day and keeps expressing his amazement that HE HAS THE INTERNET! ON HIS PHONE! Seriously. The Internet. On the phone. Yesterday he was all:
Joe: I'm gonna blog about how I have the Internet on my phone.
Me: OK.
Joe: Do you think I can get a whole post out of that?
Me: Um, I've gotten whole posts out of far less.
Example: see above.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Oh, the weather outside is WEATHER.
Hi, Internets. You'd think that since I don't have to write a Collective post this week, I'd be posting here EVERY DAY, especially since my boss is out of the office and I have less than two weeks left here ANYWAY so who cares, right? But you'd be wrong. I haven't posted here every day. Obviously. You can see that because of . . . the lack of posts.
This past weekend was another good one, helped partly by the BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL weather. Bar Louie is doing this thing, where if you buy a Bud Light draft for $8, you get to keep the glass and if you bring it back all through March Madness, refills are only $3. So we did that on St. Patrick's Day. And took the glasses back on Friday for some refills and dinner and basketball, only I was more concerned with the beer and food than the basketball. Mainly, I just hoped Nancy's teams would win so she wouldn't throw her cheap-refill glass through a window or at our waitress's head. She didn't, though.
Joe and I went on a mini-road trip on Saturday, to see Ben Folds. It was super fun times 100 and on the way home, we stopped at the Giant Candle place on the side of 70. That is not what it's called, but you guys! There is a GIANT CANDLE next to the store. This is how giant it is:
After Joe took my picture, I checked it out and we had the following conversation:
Me: That thing is huge!
Joe: That's what she said!
Me: I didn't realize how big it was until I stood in front of it.
Joe: I know, that is also what she said.
And then I saw a playground and made Joe take a video of me sliding down the slide. But that's on my computer at home, so you can't see it right now. Sorry. I'm sure you're crushed.
On Sunday, Heidi and I went to my parents' house to hang out with my sister, who was there aaaaaaall alone since my parents were still on their cruise. The plan was to make pizza but I'm really lazy so instead we got Papa Murphy's. It totally counts as cooking because I had to put it in the oven. We also watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall and I'm waiting for my mom to call me and be all, "Your sister says you made her watch a movie with penises in it, is that true?" and I'll be like, "No, Mom, it was only one penis." For realsies.
This past weekend was another good one, helped partly by the BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL weather. Bar Louie is doing this thing, where if you buy a Bud Light draft for $8, you get to keep the glass and if you bring it back all through March Madness, refills are only $3. So we did that on St. Patrick's Day. And took the glasses back on Friday for some refills and dinner and basketball, only I was more concerned with the beer and food than the basketball. Mainly, I just hoped Nancy's teams would win so she wouldn't throw her cheap-refill glass through a window or at our waitress's head. She didn't, though.
Joe and I went on a mini-road trip on Saturday, to see Ben Folds. It was super fun times 100 and on the way home, we stopped at the Giant Candle place on the side of 70. That is not what it's called, but you guys! There is a GIANT CANDLE next to the store. This is how giant it is:
After Joe took my picture, I checked it out and we had the following conversation:
Me: That thing is huge!
Joe: That's what she said!
Me: I didn't realize how big it was until I stood in front of it.
Joe: I know, that is also what she said.
And then I saw a playground and made Joe take a video of me sliding down the slide. But that's on my computer at home, so you can't see it right now. Sorry. I'm sure you're crushed.
On Sunday, Heidi and I went to my parents' house to hang out with my sister, who was there aaaaaaall alone since my parents were still on their cruise. The plan was to make pizza but I'm really lazy so instead we got Papa Murphy's. It totally counts as cooking because I had to put it in the oven. We also watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall and I'm waiting for my mom to call me and be all, "Your sister says you made her watch a movie with penises in it, is that true?" and I'll be like, "No, Mom, it was only one penis." For realsies.
Friday, March 20, 2009
SPOILER: this post has no point
I feel like I'm neglecting my blog. I suppose it's because I am, especially compared to the days of yore, when I would post approximately eight times a day whether I had something to say or not. Things seem really busy right now, because, um, they just do, what with the changing jobs and the upcoming move and whatnot. My parents are out of town this week, and my sister is home with the dog so I've been visiting them every other day or so, and OF COURSE I'm taking her to a bar tonight. What else are big sisters for but supplying their younger siblings with free booze? Advice? I think not. I suck at advice. Anyway, last night we got dinner and then watched Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 and wouldn't you know it? Those pants traveled all over the place AGAIN! I actually totally heart those movies because I like all the actresses and also it makes me cry like 80 bajillion times and you know what? Sometimes I like for a movie to make me cry. Not like Hotel Rwanda cry, though. It took me about 24 hours to recover from that.
Tonight marks the fourth night this week I will be drinking and compared to weeks past, this is WAY WAY more than normal. Granted, the only night of drinking that led to drunken shenanigans was Wednesday night, and that was for RESEARCH. Or something. It led to this, anyway, and that's better than what most of my drunken escapades lead to, WHICH IS: yelling, running away from people, trying to climb things, sending mean emails, ETCETERA ETCETERA. Does everyone else think of Yul Brynner when they say/think that? I do. EVERY TIME.
On Monday, Wayne and Nancy had us over for steak and mashed potatoes and beer mug shaped cookies and on Tuesday, I volunteered with The Children, who did not want to talk about their dead loved-ones but INSTEAD wanted to play hide-and-seek-tag (wtf?) and throw Jenga pieces at each other, PLUS it was St. Patrick's Day and so obviously the only thing I could do once I left volunteering was go have some beers with my friends. I tried not to be too offended when Steve left 10 minutes after I got there but WTF STEVE? Why do you hate me? Hee.
It's not just my blog I'm neglecting. Aside from Lost, I've watched very little TV this week. I haven't even watched last night's episode of The Office and the weirdest thing is I DON'T EVEN CARE. I'm not sure what kind of TV-apathy disease I'm suffering from lately, but I'm sure it'll pass. Although, I kind of hope it's permanent and that's scares me because it's like I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE.
I do know one thing, though. And it's that I. LOVE. CAPS LOCK.
Tonight marks the fourth night this week I will be drinking and compared to weeks past, this is WAY WAY more than normal. Granted, the only night of drinking that led to drunken shenanigans was Wednesday night, and that was for RESEARCH. Or something. It led to this, anyway, and that's better than what most of my drunken escapades lead to, WHICH IS: yelling, running away from people, trying to climb things, sending mean emails, ETCETERA ETCETERA. Does everyone else think of Yul Brynner when they say/think that? I do. EVERY TIME.
On Monday, Wayne and Nancy had us over for steak and mashed potatoes and beer mug shaped cookies and on Tuesday, I volunteered with The Children, who did not want to talk about their dead loved-ones but INSTEAD wanted to play hide-and-seek-tag (wtf?) and throw Jenga pieces at each other, PLUS it was St. Patrick's Day and so obviously the only thing I could do once I left volunteering was go have some beers with my friends. I tried not to be too offended when Steve left 10 minutes after I got there but WTF STEVE? Why do you hate me? Hee.
It's not just my blog I'm neglecting. Aside from Lost, I've watched very little TV this week. I haven't even watched last night's episode of The Office and the weirdest thing is I DON'T EVEN CARE. I'm not sure what kind of TV-apathy disease I'm suffering from lately, but I'm sure it'll pass. Although, I kind of hope it's permanent and that's scares me because it's like I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE.
I do know one thing, though. And it's that I. LOVE. CAPS LOCK.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
this spam should be made into a movie ASAP
Dear Beloved ,
Please read this message very carefully because it is with tears that I am writing this mail to you from a hospital bed far away from my home where I have no mother, father, sister, Brother or any one to call my relative. I am in the midst of strangers with a different language that I dont understand, imaging how painful it is to be diagnosed with Cancer, but before I go into that First let me introduce myself to you.
I am Mrs. AQUILA Ahmed Hassanal Bolkiah, a widow to Late Sheik Ahmed Hassanal Bolkiah of Brunei Darussalam, I am 38years old and I have a son of 15years of age who is at the moment in a Country called Benin Republic and I am suffering from cancer of the lungs which I will soon undergo the operation, I want to also let you know that I am writing you this mail from a private hospital here where I am taking my part-time treatments. what will you do if your doctor come up and tell you that you have only few weeks to live? you can imagine the kind of pains I am going through.
My Husband is the first Son to the last wife of King Haji Omar Ali Saifuddien Sadul Khairi Waddien, the former Prime Minister of Brunei Darussalam, the tiny Oil-Rich Country on the Island in South-Eastern Asia, let me save your time by not amplifying my extended Royal Family History which has already been disseminated by the international media during the controversial dispute that erupted between my Husband and his Step-Brother, the Sultan of Brunei H.M.Sultan Haji Hassanal Bolkiah who is the present King/Prime minister of Brunei.
As you may know from the international media, the Sultan of Brunei accused my Husband who is his Step-Brother for financial miss-management and embezzlement of US$14.8 billion dollars and this was as a result of the Asian Financial crisis that made my Husband's company Amedeo Development Company that was inherited by my husband and the government owned Brunei investment Agency to be declared bankrupt during his tenure in the office.
However my Husband was kept under house arrest by his own step brother, our bank accounts and private properties including a Crude Oil Export Refinery were later confiscated by the Sultan and to worsen the whole thing, he has to assassinate my beloved husband and I was placed under house arrest by the Sultan so that I will not tell the international community what has happened and that is where I developed this cancer of the lungs which is killing me slowly now but I still believe that it is the will of God that life is treating me this way. To avoid further prosecution and sufferings from the Sultan and his security operatives since I have lost my Husband and I have my only child to keep me happy, I decided to leave my country Brunei to Benin Republic in West Africa for my safety after I was released.
I left with nothing but the document my late Husband used in depositing the sum of ( US $10.5 Million Dollars) secretly in a private Security company but he did not declare the actual content of the deposit to the company, he only made them to understand that the deposit contains is Family Valuables this he did for security reasons.
I had a plan to retrieve this deposit of fund myself once I leave the country but unfortunately for me this my illness has become worst and I have been placed at the hospital for medical attention permanently.I am planning to fly abroad for a good medication and a perfect surgical operation because according to what the doctors told me that I may not live for more than a month without this operation, I am so scared about this because the Doctors has made me to understand that I have only 20% chance to survive this surgery and for that reason, I want to make and build a strong future for my only son before undergoing this surgery so that in case if I die on the process of this surgery, my son will be taken care of by you.
The reason why I am contacting you is for you to retrieve this deposit that contains the sum of (US$ 10.5 Million) and use some part (10% )of it to better the lives of the less privileged people worldwide,(25% );for your efforts/ assistant and invest the rest of 65% in a lucrative business in your country on behalf of my son, no one can tell what will happen during the surgery operation so in case if anything happens to me during this operation, my son will have someone to take care of him and a business/funds to inherit for a good future tomorrow. below I enclosed to you my current.
Photogragh by my bed side
please get back to me very fast so that I can tell you what to do because my days now is being numbered, you can aswell call this below number if you wish to speak with me the phone is with my son Azizi, he will pass it to me: Tel. +229 93-410-932.
May the peace of God be with you
Mrs. AQUILA & Son AZIZI.
Please read this message very carefully because it is with tears that I am writing this mail to you from a hospital bed far away from my home where I have no mother, father, sister, Brother or any one to call my relative. I am in the midst of strangers with a different language that I dont understand, imaging how painful it is to be diagnosed with Cancer, but before I go into that First let me introduce myself to you.
I am Mrs. AQUILA Ahmed Hassanal Bolkiah, a widow to Late Sheik Ahmed Hassanal Bolkiah of Brunei Darussalam, I am 38years old and I have a son of 15years of age who is at the moment in a Country called Benin Republic and I am suffering from cancer of the lungs which I will soon undergo the operation, I want to also let you know that I am writing you this mail from a private hospital here where I am taking my part-time treatments. what will you do if your doctor come up and tell you that you have only few weeks to live? you can imagine the kind of pains I am going through.
My Husband is the first Son to the last wife of King Haji Omar Ali Saifuddien Sadul Khairi Waddien, the former Prime Minister of Brunei Darussalam, the tiny Oil-Rich Country on the Island in South-Eastern Asia, let me save your time by not amplifying my extended Royal Family History which has already been disseminated by the international media during the controversial dispute that erupted between my Husband and his Step-Brother, the Sultan of Brunei H.M.Sultan Haji Hassanal Bolkiah who is the present King/Prime minister of Brunei.
As you may know from the international media, the Sultan of Brunei accused my Husband who is his Step-Brother for financial miss-management and embezzlement of US$14.8 billion dollars and this was as a result of the Asian Financial crisis that made my Husband's company Amedeo Development Company that was inherited by my husband and the government owned Brunei investment Agency to be declared bankrupt during his tenure in the office.
However my Husband was kept under house arrest by his own step brother, our bank accounts and private properties including a Crude Oil Export Refinery were later confiscated by the Sultan and to worsen the whole thing, he has to assassinate my beloved husband and I was placed under house arrest by the Sultan so that I will not tell the international community what has happened and that is where I developed this cancer of the lungs which is killing me slowly now but I still believe that it is the will of God that life is treating me this way. To avoid further prosecution and sufferings from the Sultan and his security operatives since I have lost my Husband and I have my only child to keep me happy, I decided to leave my country Brunei to Benin Republic in West Africa for my safety after I was released.
I left with nothing but the document my late Husband used in depositing the sum of ( US $10.5 Million Dollars) secretly in a private Security company but he did not declare the actual content of the deposit to the company, he only made them to understand that the deposit contains is Family Valuables this he did for security reasons.
I had a plan to retrieve this deposit of fund myself once I leave the country but unfortunately for me this my illness has become worst and I have been placed at the hospital for medical attention permanently.I am planning to fly abroad for a good medication and a perfect surgical operation because according to what the doctors told me that I may not live for more than a month without this operation, I am so scared about this because the Doctors has made me to understand that I have only 20% chance to survive this surgery and for that reason, I want to make and build a strong future for my only son before undergoing this surgery so that in case if I die on the process of this surgery, my son will be taken care of by you.
The reason why I am contacting you is for you to retrieve this deposit that contains the sum of (US$ 10.5 Million) and use some part (10% )of it to better the lives of the less privileged people worldwide,(25% );for your efforts/ assistant and invest the rest of 65% in a lucrative business in your country on behalf of my son, no one can tell what will happen during the surgery operation so in case if anything happens to me during this operation, my son will have someone to take care of him and a business/funds to inherit for a good future tomorrow. below I enclosed to you my current.
Photogragh by my bed side
please get back to me very fast so that I can tell you what to do because my days now is being numbered, you can aswell call this below number if you wish to speak with me the phone is with my son Azizi, he will pass it to me: Tel. +229 93-410-932.
May the peace of God be with you
Mrs. AQUILA & Son AZIZI.
Monday, March 16, 2009
It is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts going OK, another falls spectacularly to pieces.
You guys, I have had such a good couple of days that now I'm kind of waiting for something really bad to happen. In fact, I'm a little afraid of getting too excited about anything, when really all I want to do is run around screaming, "OH MY GOD YOU GUYS, THIS IS SO AWESOME YAAAAAAAY." I've never been a very excitable person (that would require too much energy), but I get even worse as I get older, expecting the good news to be snatched away at any moment. What's that about?
Anyway. On Friday, Heidi and I went to Cincinnati to celebrate Nancy's brother's birthday, and while there we ALSO got to hang out with Lampl and Jon, which always = GOOD TIMES. Nancy's brother made it to 9 before he had to go home and pass out, and once a really bad cover band started playing, the rest of us went to a different bar. This one had ping-pong. PING-PONG! I love ping-pong and, while my skills are rusty, they are still somewhat there. All those hours of playing against my dad (and his far superior skills) amounted to something besides just honing my cursing skills, I guess. We weren't keeping score, though, and after a while started smacking the ball any which way as hard as we could. I think the people playing pool next to us tried to murder us with their eyes, and I can't really say I blame them since half the time our balls were bouncing across the pool table just as they were taking their shot.
Once we tired of ping-pong, we went back to Lampl and Jon's to giggle over a bunch of YouTube videos and then watch The Soup. In that order. The next morning, Heidi and I got pancakes and then found our new apartment. In that order. That is the only productive thing I did that day. Once we got home, I took a nap, then showered, then went and got Papa Murphy's and took it to Joe's, where we proceeded to do nothing but sit on the sofa and watch TV all night. It was awesome.
YESTERDAY, I went out to breakfast with Joe and his family, AND THEN went running, AND THEN sold some books, AND THEN went to my parents' house to hang out with my sister. So I was a bit more productive than Saturday. I need to start being way more productive on the weekend since we're moving soon. I have a lot of crap I need to get rid of, is what I'm saying. I hope Goodwill is ready.
And today! Today, I accepted a new job. It's with the same company (sort of) but different. Does that make sense? I don't care. I start in April. I get to drive past Giant Jesus twice a day. That has to be good luck of some kind. And tonight! Heidi and I are having dinner at Nancy's, and there will be wine and good food and excellent conversation. PLUS ALSO the weather is getting better and better. On Sunday, I was driving down a twisty, back road with the windows down, squinting into the sun and listening to Oasis, and when I heard, "you and I are gonna live forever," I almost believed it. Still. Better to be cautious. I'll be over here, waiting for the bottom to drop out.
Anyway. On Friday, Heidi and I went to Cincinnati to celebrate Nancy's brother's birthday, and while there we ALSO got to hang out with Lampl and Jon, which always = GOOD TIMES. Nancy's brother made it to 9 before he had to go home and pass out, and once a really bad cover band started playing, the rest of us went to a different bar. This one had ping-pong. PING-PONG! I love ping-pong and, while my skills are rusty, they are still somewhat there. All those hours of playing against my dad (and his far superior skills) amounted to something besides just honing my cursing skills, I guess. We weren't keeping score, though, and after a while started smacking the ball any which way as hard as we could. I think the people playing pool next to us tried to murder us with their eyes, and I can't really say I blame them since half the time our balls were bouncing across the pool table just as they were taking their shot.
Once we tired of ping-pong, we went back to Lampl and Jon's to giggle over a bunch of YouTube videos and then watch The Soup. In that order. The next morning, Heidi and I got pancakes and then found our new apartment. In that order. That is the only productive thing I did that day. Once we got home, I took a nap, then showered, then went and got Papa Murphy's and took it to Joe's, where we proceeded to do nothing but sit on the sofa and watch TV all night. It was awesome.
YESTERDAY, I went out to breakfast with Joe and his family, AND THEN went running, AND THEN sold some books, AND THEN went to my parents' house to hang out with my sister. So I was a bit more productive than Saturday. I need to start being way more productive on the weekend since we're moving soon. I have a lot of crap I need to get rid of, is what I'm saying. I hope Goodwill is ready.
And today! Today, I accepted a new job. It's with the same company (sort of) but different. Does that make sense? I don't care. I start in April. I get to drive past Giant Jesus twice a day. That has to be good luck of some kind. And tonight! Heidi and I are having dinner at Nancy's, and there will be wine and good food and excellent conversation. PLUS ALSO the weather is getting better and better. On Sunday, I was driving down a twisty, back road with the windows down, squinting into the sun and listening to Oasis, and when I heard, "you and I are gonna live forever," I almost believed it. Still. Better to be cautious. I'll be over here, waiting for the bottom to drop out.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
why people have kids, I think:
and especially:
Yes, I know these are all old and this is the laziest post ever. It's the weekend, what do you expect? Real words? Pshaw.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Dear The Universe, I love you. Please be nice to me. Love, Jennie
So far, today is the best day ever. I hope I'm not jinxing myself by saying that. I mean, it's not like I'm saying, "Today is going to be the BEST. DAY. EVER." because I have no idea if that's true or not, and every time I say that, The Universe comes and takes a big dump all over my life so I am DEFINITELY NOT SAYING TODAY IS GOING TO BE THE BEST DAY EVER, UNIVERSE, OK? LEAVE ME ALONE, PLEASE.
Ahem. Last night, I made Joe take time out of working, even though his deadline is on Monday, because someone was coming to buy my old computer desk. I sold it on Craigslist, and the guy buying it seemed normal, but you can never really tell and I thought if my 6'5 boyfriend was there, the guy would be less likely to bash me over the head, kidnap me, and sell me to pirates. It all went very smoothly, which was good because I was supposed to be at my parents', partly so they could show me how to give the dog her 800 pills and ear medication while they were on vacation, but mostly so they could feed me dinner. Joe tried to be all, "I could go over with you," and so I had to be all, "NO! You have a deadline! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?" and he was all, "But what if there's Guitar Hero?" and I was all, "My parents are not going to want to play Guitar Hero -- they hate it because they suck at it," and he was all, "But --" and I was all, "Procrastinator! Stop it!" Seriously, you guys, he is worse at procrastinating than I am and THAT IS REALLY BAD.
I know that sounds mean, but I'm really way meaner. For instance, on Wednesday, Joe came over and made me dinner. He even said he'd clean up EVEN THOUGH he'd cooked everything while I sat on the sofa surfing the Internets. I stood in the kitchen with him while he cleaned and everything was fine until he started loading the dishwasher. I stood there, watching, as long as I could and then I had to put my hands on the side of my head to keep it from exploding BECAUSE HE WAS DOING IT WRONG. I had to make him stop so I could do it. And then I took out all the dishes he'd put in there and loaded them CORRECTLY. So, yes, he came over, brought all the food, COOKED all the food, and offered to clean everything up and, in return, I berated him for not loading the dishwasher the right way. Say it with me, everyone: CONTROL. FREAK.
Anyway, so I sent Joe home to work and then I went to my parents' house. When I got there, my dad had his work laptop out so I started making fun of him for working on his vacation AND THEN my mom told me that, no, he wasn't working, he was signing up for Facebook. My mom, sister, and I all helped him in this endeavor and now we've created a monster. He sent friend requests to a bunch of people and went to work updating his profile until it was time for dinner. We had pizza (and wine), on TV trays so we could still watch Ellen (that's right), and every time my dad's computer dinged, signaling a new email, he'd quickly look down to see what Facebook was sending him.
"SIGH," said my mom. "What now?"
"I don't know," my dad answered. "Oh, someone just wrote on my wallpaper."
Ahem. Last night, I made Joe take time out of working, even though his deadline is on Monday, because someone was coming to buy my old computer desk. I sold it on Craigslist, and the guy buying it seemed normal, but you can never really tell and I thought if my 6'5 boyfriend was there, the guy would be less likely to bash me over the head, kidnap me, and sell me to pirates. It all went very smoothly, which was good because I was supposed to be at my parents', partly so they could show me how to give the dog her 800 pills and ear medication while they were on vacation, but mostly so they could feed me dinner. Joe tried to be all, "I could go over with you," and so I had to be all, "NO! You have a deadline! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?" and he was all, "But what if there's Guitar Hero?" and I was all, "My parents are not going to want to play Guitar Hero -- they hate it because they suck at it," and he was all, "But --" and I was all, "Procrastinator! Stop it!" Seriously, you guys, he is worse at procrastinating than I am and THAT IS REALLY BAD.
I know that sounds mean, but I'm really way meaner. For instance, on Wednesday, Joe came over and made me dinner. He even said he'd clean up EVEN THOUGH he'd cooked everything while I sat on the sofa surfing the Internets. I stood in the kitchen with him while he cleaned and everything was fine until he started loading the dishwasher. I stood there, watching, as long as I could and then I had to put my hands on the side of my head to keep it from exploding BECAUSE HE WAS DOING IT WRONG. I had to make him stop so I could do it. And then I took out all the dishes he'd put in there and loaded them CORRECTLY. So, yes, he came over, brought all the food, COOKED all the food, and offered to clean everything up and, in return, I berated him for not loading the dishwasher the right way. Say it with me, everyone: CONTROL. FREAK.
Anyway, so I sent Joe home to work and then I went to my parents' house. When I got there, my dad had his work laptop out so I started making fun of him for working on his vacation AND THEN my mom told me that, no, he wasn't working, he was signing up for Facebook. My mom, sister, and I all helped him in this endeavor and now we've created a monster. He sent friend requests to a bunch of people and went to work updating his profile until it was time for dinner. We had pizza (and wine), on TV trays so we could still watch Ellen (that's right), and every time my dad's computer dinged, signaling a new email, he'd quickly look down to see what Facebook was sending him.
"SIGH," said my mom. "What now?"
"I don't know," my dad answered. "Oh, someone just wrote on my wallpaper."
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
tell me again about the rabbits, George
I recently started the Couch to 5K program because I hadn't gone running since, um, way before it was even too cold to go running, and I quit the gym a long time ago so I didn't have access to a treadmill EITHER. That's sort of a lie, because Joe's apartment complex has a fitness room and he said SEVERAL TIMES that I could use it whenever I wanted but I'm far too lazy to do that. So I didn't. Anyway, I'm on Week 2 and it's going well, mostly because weeks 1 and 2 don't involve as much running as the rest of the weeks, which is awesome because sometimes running makes me want to die. Not this program, though. This program is my friend. We go to the mall together and then get ice cream. Ha, just kidding, I hate the mall. Shopping gives me hives.
Anyway. I went running yesterday because OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS, the weather was perfect. Sunny and warm and beautiful. It was a little windy but I'll take it. After I finished the program, I decided to keep walking because I wanted to see the ducks at the pond. I love the ducks. They're so cute! Sometimes when they cross the street to the pond, I get worried that they might get hit and I have conversations like this:
[in Heidi's brand new, shiny car]
Me: Look! Ducks!
Heidi: I like them.
Me: Me too.
Heidi: They're taking a long time to cross.
Me: OMG look how fast that guy is driving! He's not slowing down! He's going to hit the ducks! What if he hits the ducks? OK, he stopped. Good. Otherwise I would have to beat up his car.
Heidi: Wow.
And the day before!
Me: Look! Ducks!
Joe: Wow.
Me: I love ducks.
Joe: OK.
Me: Look at that one! He has a mohawk thing!
Joe: ...
Me: You know what I love best? When ducks put their little ducks butts up in the air. I love that.
Joe: Yep.
Me: Look, more ducks!
Joe: Are you retarded?
Me: I don't think so. I just love ducks, is all.
And SCENE.
Anyway. I went running yesterday because OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS, the weather was perfect. Sunny and warm and beautiful. It was a little windy but I'll take it. After I finished the program, I decided to keep walking because I wanted to see the ducks at the pond. I love the ducks. They're so cute! Sometimes when they cross the street to the pond, I get worried that they might get hit and I have conversations like this:
[in Heidi's brand new, shiny car]
Me: Look! Ducks!
Heidi: I like them.
Me: Me too.
Heidi: They're taking a long time to cross.
Me: OMG look how fast that guy is driving! He's not slowing down! He's going to hit the ducks! What if he hits the ducks? OK, he stopped. Good. Otherwise I would have to beat up his car.
Heidi: Wow.
And the day before!
Me: Look! Ducks!
Joe: Wow.
Me: I love ducks.
Joe: OK.
Me: Look at that one! He has a mohawk thing!
Joe: ...
Me: You know what I love best? When ducks put their little ducks butts up in the air. I love that.
Joe: Yep.
Me: Look, more ducks!
Joe: Are you retarded?
Me: I don't think so. I just love ducks, is all.
And SCENE.
Friday, March 6, 2009
I have a lot of work to do this afternoon. Those mines aren't going to sweep themselves.
A few of us have started calling Friday "Bipolar Friday" at work. Fridays are when Payroll processes labor and there are always ALWAYS a billion little problems that need fixed ASAP OMFG AHHH!!!11!!!!1!!! and it's all very annoying and frustrating. But, at the same time, it's Friday. And Friday is good. Especially when it's payday. But, as much as I look forward to Friday for being the beginning of the weekend (you know, eventually, at like 5), I also dread it because I know work is going to make me want to shoot my eye out with an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock, and this thing which tells time.
Anyway, I'm currently enjoying Friday because the crazy hasn't started yet, and ALSO it's really warm and pretty outside. And even though I'm stuck inside, it's enough right now to know that if I were to go outside, I wouldn't need a big, stupid, heavy winter coat. FINALLY. I mean, sure, within the next couple days, it could snow, but right now I'm going to enjoy the sunshine.
The warm weather actually started yesterday. I walked out of work in short sleeves and didn't freeze my arms off, which is always a nice surprise. Later, Joe and I walked up to The Greene for dinner, and even though the walk home was a bit chilly, I was still fine in a sweatshirt. AWESOME, I say. I don't really have much to talk about aside from the warm weather. That's how excited about it I am.
Other exciting things are in the works, Internets, only I can't talk about them yet. With any luck, you'll all know by next Thursday. Mwaahaahaa! Yeah.
Also! I want to thank you all for sending me your brains to use on Wednesday. I hope you don't mind that I'm never giving them back. I like having the brainpower of the entire Internet. Again I say, mwaaahaahaa! Ahem.
Anyway, I'm currently enjoying Friday because the crazy hasn't started yet, and ALSO it's really warm and pretty outside. And even though I'm stuck inside, it's enough right now to know that if I were to go outside, I wouldn't need a big, stupid, heavy winter coat. FINALLY. I mean, sure, within the next couple days, it could snow, but right now I'm going to enjoy the sunshine.
The warm weather actually started yesterday. I walked out of work in short sleeves and didn't freeze my arms off, which is always a nice surprise. Later, Joe and I walked up to The Greene for dinner, and even though the walk home was a bit chilly, I was still fine in a sweatshirt. AWESOME, I say. I don't really have much to talk about aside from the warm weather. That's how excited about it I am.
Other exciting things are in the works, Internets, only I can't talk about them yet. With any luck, you'll all know by next Thursday. Mwaahaahaa! Yeah.
Also! I want to thank you all for sending me your brains to use on Wednesday. I hope you don't mind that I'm never giving them back. I like having the brainpower of the entire Internet. Again I say, mwaaahaahaa! Ahem.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
SO
I have this thing going on this afternoon. If you could think good thoughts around, say, 3 o'clock, that'd be great. Also, if you could send me all your brainpower, that'd help, too.
Thanks. I have to go change into my big girl clothes now.
Thanks. I have to go change into my big girl clothes now.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Yes, I am an adult
Sometimes we get really random things in the mail at work. Like today? We got a tube full of binder clips and instructions on how to make a Binder Clip Dinosaur and DUH I totally made one. WHAT CHOICE DID I HAVE?
crap and cheap wieners
This weekend was grand, it was, the only bad thing being the chilly, chilly weather. And the fact that it ended, of course. They always do, though, so it's not like it was a huge surprise to find myself getting ready for work this morning. It wasn't surprising, oh no, but that doesn't mean I liked it or anything.
It's still rather frigid, but I'm just thankful we didn't get a bunch of snow dumped on us like some other parts of the country. No, that was last year at this time. That was fun, right? No, it was not. It almost ruined Nancy's bachelorette party, but we made the most of it. Also, Mary and I made a snow penis so I can't really say the blizzard was ALL bad.
Heidi and I decided to go to Ikea yesterday because, well, it was Sunday and we had nothing else to do, except maybe watch the America's Next Top Model marathon on Oxygen. It went a little something like this:
Me: I went to some thrift stores yesterday.
Heidi: Yeah?
Me: Yeah. I found some crap. It was awesome.
Heidi: Cool. I like crap.
Me: Me too. We should look for some new crap for our apartment.
Heidi: Yeah, I want to go to that giant thrift store by the Dayton Mall.
Me: I didn't know that was there.
Heidi: It is. I saw a sign on the highway.
Me: We should also go to Ikea.
Heidi: Yes! They have lots of crap!
Me: [watches ANTM]
Heidi: [watches ANTM]
Me: You know. We could just go to Ikea right now.
Heidi: We could!
Me: What else are we going to do?
Heidi: Yeah, we might get bored if we don't go.
Me: So let's go?
Heidi: Yes.
I'm not sure it happened anything like that, but I don't really remember so that's what you get. Anyway, so we went to Ikea and it was magical. I got this. And then I made Joe put it together. I wasn't able to convince him to buy my old desk, though. And then, instead of using my new laptop stand for, you know, my laptop, we played Scrabble on it. It works very well as a Scrabble table, actually. I got some other random crap at Ikea, too, and when I got home I couldn't really remember why I'd gotten it all. That's pretty standard, I think.
The best part about our trip to Ikea was that we got 50 cent wieners from the food area. That's pretty cheap for wieners, in case you were wondering.
It's still rather frigid, but I'm just thankful we didn't get a bunch of snow dumped on us like some other parts of the country. No, that was last year at this time. That was fun, right? No, it was not. It almost ruined Nancy's bachelorette party, but we made the most of it. Also, Mary and I made a snow penis so I can't really say the blizzard was ALL bad.
Heidi and I decided to go to Ikea yesterday because, well, it was Sunday and we had nothing else to do, except maybe watch the America's Next Top Model marathon on Oxygen. It went a little something like this:
Me: I went to some thrift stores yesterday.
Heidi: Yeah?
Me: Yeah. I found some crap. It was awesome.
Heidi: Cool. I like crap.
Me: Me too. We should look for some new crap for our apartment.
Heidi: Yeah, I want to go to that giant thrift store by the Dayton Mall.
Me: I didn't know that was there.
Heidi: It is. I saw a sign on the highway.
Me: We should also go to Ikea.
Heidi: Yes! They have lots of crap!
Me: [watches ANTM]
Heidi: [watches ANTM]
Me: You know. We could just go to Ikea right now.
Heidi: We could!
Me: What else are we going to do?
Heidi: Yeah, we might get bored if we don't go.
Me: So let's go?
Heidi: Yes.
I'm not sure it happened anything like that, but I don't really remember so that's what you get. Anyway, so we went to Ikea and it was magical. I got this. And then I made Joe put it together. I wasn't able to convince him to buy my old desk, though. And then, instead of using my new laptop stand for, you know, my laptop, we played Scrabble on it. It works very well as a Scrabble table, actually. I got some other random crap at Ikea, too, and when I got home I couldn't really remember why I'd gotten it all. That's pretty standard, I think.
The best part about our trip to Ikea was that we got 50 cent wieners from the food area. That's pretty cheap for wieners, in case you were wondering.
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