Thursday, September 11, 2008

overheard in the office

Normally, I don't talk too much on here about work because I don't want to accidentally post something that will get me fired. However, my job will probably be obsolete by January 1st anyway, so maybe it's better to get it out of the way (you know, the getting fired) now.

I have this one coworker, Norma (not her real name), who is in her sixties and sometimes gets up BEFORE the asscrack of dawn to bake things. Like, this morning, she brought in banana bread, which is my favorite bread of all the breads. I totally ate a million pieces of it and it was delicious. Later this morning I heard Coworker (the one who listens to conservative talk radio ALL. FUCKING. DAY) ask her about it.

Coworker: Norma, did you bring in this banana bread?
Norma: I did. I made it last night.
Coworker: It's really good!
Norma: Thanks. You know, I was stuck here until 7:30 last night, and when I got home, I made myself a martini. And then I saw bananas on my counter that were starting to turn brown so I thought I'd better make something with them.
Coworker: Well, that's the way to make them, isn't it?
Norma: With a martini? Hell, yes.
Coworker: Um. I meant with the old bananas.
Norma: Oh.

You guys, aside from the baking, I think I might be exactly like Norma in 40 years. Because, this one time? The new overlords -- I mean, the people who took over our company came to visit, and we were told that we all had to have this meeting and go around the room to introduce ourselves and explain our job functions. PLUS we had to give them an interesting fact about ourselves. Because apparently we're still in high school. Anyway, before the meeting, we were all standing around practicing what we were going to say. I decided against, "my name is Jennie and I volunteer with grieving children," because I didn't want people to throw things at me, and I bypassed, "my name is Jennie and I'm an alcoholic," because I didn't think the new overlords would think that was funny, so finally I landed on, "my name is Jennie and I write How To articles," but I decided not to talk about the time I wrote one about condoms. Anyway. There was a quiet moment where we all contemplated our interesting facts and then Norma grinned and said, "my name is Norma and I can suck start a Harley," and then I laughed so hard that my face fell off, even though I'm pretty sure she wasn't really talking about motorcycles.


heather! anne! said...

I love Norma!

kat! said...

oh, don't tell me you've never baked banana bread before.

S said...

Seriously, Norma is such a role model for young women!

Jennie! said...

h!a! me too!

kat!, no, banana bread is one of things I actually know how to make. Plus, you gave me that awesome recipe that one time. It has rum in it.

S, for real. She should run for public office.

Cousin Candice said...

I want a Norma!!! We don't have one!

Kat, the banana bread recipe with rum... I'd like that now please. =)

New Presidential candidate: HeatherAnne/Norma!

Tam said...

well I have a bazillion zucchini's at my house and plenty of vodka so you can come bake up some of that shit.

I am always scared to write about work too. Getting fired stinks. I try not to do it.

Jennie! said...

Candice, I'd vote for them.

Tam, wait . . . why do you have a bazillion zucchinis?

Tam said...

I mistakenly told someone at work I've never made zucchini he wont't stop bringing them to me!! I'm piling them up at home - haven't baked a damn thing.

mysterygirl! said...

I hope I can grow up to be like Norma.

Stephanie said...

I love Norma. I want her to adopt me.

Dynamita said...

OMG I am reading this during my lunch break and it made me laugh so hard that my drink came out through my nose!

I heart Norma.