Thursday, September 4, 2008

The Big Brain am winning again! I am the greetest!

You guys, sometimes I am for realsies a bitch FOR NO RAISIN. It just happens. I like to think the people I'm a bitch to bring it on themselves, which was totally true yesterday when I made that old man flip me off.

See, there's this intersection near our apartment. And going one direction, the right lane quickly ends as soon as you drive THROUGH the intersection. People know this. But. Instead of being polite and getting in the left lane, which is almost always much longer BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS THE RIGHT LANE ENDS, there are those who bypass the politeness system and get in the right lane, so they can speed around everyone in the left lane before we get through the intersection. Whenever I can, I make sure not to let these people in front of me because they are assholes. And I can't let assholes in front of me because then I'd be staring at an asshole for the rest of the drive to work and who wants to do that?

Yesterday I was sitting in the left lane, waiting for the light to turn green and fuming at the line of cars appearing in the right lane. There was an old man in an old man car next to me and right then and there I was all, "He's not getting in front of me! He's old! He'll drive slow and I'll be late!" So the light turned green. I stepped on the accelerator and so did the old man. He was right next to me and I knew he wanted over but I didn't let him. And then he had to get behind me or, you know, drive off of the road, which I believe, I BELIEVE, is something most people try to avoid. And then I said, "HAHAHA! TAKE THAT, OLD MAN!" and then he said, "HONK HONK HONK HOOOOOOONK!" and I said, "Hon't you blow your horn at me, you old fart! You did this to yourself!" and then HE said, "HONK HONK HONK HOOOOOOOONK!" and that's when I flipped him off and then that's when he flipped me off and YES I flipped off an old man but he totally deserved it the end.

12 comments:

heather! anne! said...

Too right! Don't use your oldness as an excuse to be a fuckwit driver, old man.

Dynamita said...

Hahaha you totally cracked me up with this entry!!

I used to do that when I drove to work before... I would have flipped him as well. Probably anyway. What? I would. Probably, I mean.

You can call me, 'Sir' said...

See, this is exactly why you should always kep a live grenade in the glove box.

Just. In. Case.

Grad School Reject said...

The Old Man said exactly the same thing as those geese from a few months ago. Maybe they are related?

'mouse said...

Civility is breaking down all over. In this case you were completely in the right (left). If anyone's going to try to lane-jump they have to be ready to a) beat you or b) accept defeat and tuck in behind you.

Further, assuming you beat them, they then have to sit there admiring your superior driving skills and comely ass as you decelerate to exactly the speed limit for as long as you can keep them trapped.

Why don't they teach this in driving school?

Tam said...

I don't honk my horn - ever. I also don't flip people off. I think aggressive driving is part of what is wrong with our society.

I used to have a Jesus fish on my car just so people would know I was nice. I don't even like Jesus (although I wasn't Jewish at that time, still not big on the JC) Anywho - my point is... I hate it when people with a Jesus fish on the back of their cars drive like assholes and flip people off. Hypocrisy at its BEST (or WORST er whichever)

Abigail said...

Yes! I would have done the same thing!

TidelWave said...

i found your site today

and it made me smile

kat! said...

you want that i should punch him in his old man nuts?

Fraulein N said...

That's awesome! I am the same exact way! You're trying to bypass the politeness system and I should let you ... why, exactly? Hell naw.

Stephanie said...

How was it you used to refer to that? Offensive, rather than defensive, driving?

And yes. Fuck the old man. Though you realise he probably had an old man stroke and died later? Murderer.

vahid said...

Good job, Jennie! Never let the assholes win!