I meant to post this hours ago but then I saw something shiny and forgot (plus also! grace in small things: day 8)

I think many of us can agree that 2009 has gotten off to a rocky start. Early on in January, when it looked like 2009 was kicking some of my friends square in the face, I theorized that MAYBE 2009 was following that saying about March: In like a lion, out like a lamb. So rest easy, friends. 2009 may suck right now, but by December, you will be swimming in pools of chocolate or money or Hannah Montana dolls or whatever other weird thing you kids are into these days. Also, playing with lambs, if I'm understanding that saying correctly.

I don't know what to expect from this weekend, since it is both the last day of January and the first day of February, but I have high hopes. High, I say! My hopes, not me. Which brings me to my five things for the day:

1. chocolate covered pretzels
2. I have a dinner date with Joe
3. and then later a drinking date with Heidi
4. and then tomorrow morning, I will sleep in
5. and then drink coffee and eat peanut butter toast and hang out in my pajamas watching bad TV and reading

And then, you know, I will shower and get dressed and stuff. Not that I wouldn't love hanging out in my pajamas all day, reading and watching bad TV. Not that I HAVEN'T hung out in my pajamas all day, reading and watching bad TV. I mean, that's basically what I did on Wednesday, only I did get dressed for a little bit and I spent an hour banging ice off my car (that counts as exercise) and also Jillian killed me and really, I don't consider The Biggest Loser bad TV. Anyway. Where was I?

Right. Tomorrow we are celebrating The Birth of Steve (Lampl and Jon will be there!) and then on Sunday, I'm going to my parents' to watch The Super Bowl. Not because I care about the game (pshaw) but because I whined so much about wanting them to make spicy chili that they finally caved, and also I'm going to try and convince them that we should watch The Puppy Bowl instead of football.

So, you know, here are the good things I have going on this weekend: Joe, Heidi, Steve, Lampl, Jon, coffee, peanut butter, pajamas, bad TV, reading, parents, sister, beer, chili, puppies playing football. Please be nice, January.

Me fail English? That's unpossible!

Firstlies, take this quiz. I missed the first question (DAMMIT) but got the rest right. Thank you, Kat, for sharing this quiz and ALSO for telling me to wear red today for good luck. So far, so good. My red shoes are squeaky, though. What's that about? We have to wear these work badges around our necks on lanyards (much like the freshman leashes we wore our keys on in college . . . what?) and I also have this token on mine that bangs into my badge every time I take a step. So when I walk it's like, "smack smack smack" unless I hold onto my badge so the badge and token stop banging each other FOR FIVE SECONDS OH MY GOD. Anyway, today I'm squeaking when I walk and my badge and token are banging and it's all very loud. My point is, I can't sneak up on anyone at work, which is unfortunate. I'm very good at sneaking. And then jumping out! And scaring! Ask Joe. This one time I think I almost made him pee his pants a little because I jumped out from the dark and went "AHHHHH!" It was like that time Derek Zoolander went into the coal mine. You know? YOU know.

Now it is time to completely change subjects. Heidi's family had a memorial service for her grandpa yesterday, and I spent the majority of it pinching myself to take my mind off of crying. Someone once told me that if you're about to cry and you pinch the fleshy part of your hand between your thumb and forefinger, it will make you stop. I don't really know if it works but I kept doing it yesterday. Of course, then I wanted to cry because I was pinching myself, but whatever. Give Heidi all your hugs! Now!

Good news, everyone! Tam's grandpa is on the mend. That doesn't mean you can stop thinking good thoughts. Oh no. Think MORE good thoughts. They're working.

Also, happy birthday to three-hole-punch Steve. Congratulations, my friend. Today you are a man. (I don't know)

I feel like I did a lot this weekend. I think because both Friday and Saturday nights I was out PAST TWO IN THE A.M. Amazing, yes? It's like I remembered I'm not 80 and also that bars stay open that late. Even more amazing is that I was not drunk at ANY of these bars and I didn't fall down at all. That is both amazing and unprecedented. We saw some bands Friday night (and met Sad Captain) and on Saturday, while we were waiting for Heidi and her coworkers to finish their bowling tournament (you heard me), we sat in a dark corner of a busy bar, drinking Miller Lites, listening to a not-terrible rock band, eating cheese con queso, watching two men and a woman play grabass with each other in front of the dartboard, and trying to figure out how to turn on the flash on my camera phone. That last one was an EPIC FAIL but the rest worked out quite nicely. Last night, my parents fed me dinner and my mom gave me a billion pieces of kitchenware. I spent a great deal of last night reorganizing the kitchen to make room for the new dishes. This means I now have a lot of stuff to either put in storage or give to Goodwill. I'm leaning toward giving it all to Goodwill. Except for the fish plate. Lampl would kill me if I got rid of the fish plate. Do you like how I'm being all enigmatic about the fish plate? No? OK.

In other news, this week on The Collective, we're supposed to write about embarrassment and failure. I'm having a hard time narrowing down which embarrassing story to tell. Sigh.

This is more random than usual. I'm sorry. Wait. No. I'm not sorry at all.

Dwight thinks it's Friday...so keep that going

I had this plan all worked out today, to use the time change to my advantage and miss work. See, I was going to SAY I came in at 7, which I thought was 8, and when I saw that no one was there, I assumed it was Sunday and went home. And THEN I was going to sleep in and call work around, say, 11? And tell them I thought it was Sunday THEREFORE, I'd be in whenever I goddamn well felt like it. I was informed that this was a bad plan, as my boss would think I was either A) a liar or B) really, really dumb and I think I'd get fired in either case.

Whatever, I slept the crap out of that extra hour, so I guess I got everything out of Daylight Savings Time that I'm going to. Hey! Guess what? I've decided I love NaBloPoMo. Not because I have to write some crap everyday, but because OTHER people have to write some crap every day. This means my Google Reader is never empty. Not that my Google Reader is EVER empty, but let's ignore that part.

OHMYGODYOUGUYS. Guess what tomorrow is! I'm not sure why I'm so excited about tomorrow, given my track record. Never have I ever voted for a winning president. It's enough to make a girl to vote for McCain tomorrow. That's crazy talk, of course. I'm trying not to be superstitious, but I can't help it. I'm afraid to be optimistic on account of, um, the past two presidential elections. I thought about voting early, but Heidi did and waited FOUR HOURS in order to vote. She's such a good citizen. I find it incredibly uplifting that so many people are voting early. In the end, I decided not to vote early because I like to vote on election day. MOSTLY so I can wear my "I Voted" sticker around all day like a big nerd. After the voting is all over, we're gathering at a bar to watch the results come in. My thoughts are, if Obama is winning, I'll need a celebratory drink and if McCain is winning, well . . . I'll just need to be drinking period. Sigh.

Moving on. Because I am incredibly open to suggestion, I purchased this, after I read about it on some blogs. People were all, "this is so hard!" and I was all, "that's what she said!" and then I bought it. And you guys? It is so hard. That's what she said. I did it on Saturday (that'swhatshesaid) and I am still sore (that'swhatshesaid). It's a good thing I bought it, though, because this is what I ate this weekend:

Cousin Vinny's Pizza
Sonic
Spaghetti Warehouse
Penn Station
Clancy's

We went to Clancy's last night for dinner, and Heidi ordered us some deep fried cheese. Because, see, they were out of deep fried pickles. And then I got some Buffalo Balls (boneless buffalo wings) with hot sauce, and they were pretty spicy so I had to wash them down with some Miller Lite. Then my tummy kind of hurt for the rest of the night. And that is why today I am not going to eat anything deep fried. Tomorrow, though, that depends on the election results. I may be drowning my sorrows in more than just a pitcher of beer.

D is for delightful, and try and keep your trousers on

I had my hair professionally done for the wedding (reception, whatever) yesterday. It's still up. Yes, I still have wedding hair. I'm trying to work up the strength to take it down, because there are approximately 87 bobby pins in my hair right now. Also, probably an entire can of hair spray.

I know I had a really, really good time because I did not take a single picture. Not even of the hot dog bar. The only time I forget to take pictures is when I am having a ridiculously good time. Well, and sometimes I'm too lazy to get my camera out and ANYWAY, everyone else took a million and a half pictures so I'll just steal those. Good plan.

The party ended around 2 last night, we caught the shuttle to our hotel, and then we broke open the wine that the bride and groom left in our room (party favor) and stayed up until I don't know when. I woke up this morning to the hotel phone ringing. I croaked a hello and whoever it was said, "oh, wrong room," AND THEN the phone rang again later and I was all, "what?" and they said, "oh, were you sleeping?" It was weird. Then it rang two more times and I picked up the phone and hung up without saying anything. At the time, I thought the lobby was just calling the wrong room, but now I'm wondering if it was one of our hotel neighbors getting their revenge for us being loud and obnoxious when we got back last night.

THEN, I had to get up and look presentable for brunch at 10 AM. It was rough. After brunch, I had a family function and that is why I still have wedding hair. I'm sorry this made no sense, but I am way tired and need about a week to recuperate. The end.