just as you are

I'm still not entirely sure why I decided to join Match last year. Boredom, loneliness, curiosity, all of the above. I was just getting over a looooong angsty period as a result of A Boy who made me feel angsty in the way only A Boy can. Once that was over (you know, mostly), I tried being set up. That didn't work, even though he was very funny, had an extensive book collection, AND looked like a grownup Harry Potter minus the lightning bolt scar.

Still, I've always been skeptical of Match (and all internet dating) and made fun of the winking, but now that I think about it, wouldn't real-life dating be a lot easier if we all employed this winking system? You see someone cute across the bar, you wink, he (hopefully) winks back and BOOM, instant love. Or something.

So join I did, after watching Heidi and her coworker giggling over profiles. Oh, I thought, it's like Myspace, only I have to pay for it and I might get axe-murdered. I was still skeptical about internet dating, although I really didn't have a reason to be. A friend from college met her husband on some Yahoo dating site PLUS there are all those happy couples in the commercials and commercials never lie, right?

(tea, not coffee)

A year ago (yesterday), I went to meet a boy for coffee, after a week of emailing and talking and making sure the other wasn't (too) crazy. I wasn't nervous to meet him, not at all. I was excited. All week, I'd been thinking, "why are we waiting til the weekend to meet?" but the weekend finally came, and we met, and I don't remember what we talked about but we hogged two of the best chairs in Boston Stoker for over four hours.

I didn't join Match with any expectations, except that maybe I'd get some entertaining blog posts out of it. Bad dates make good stories, but I never had any bad Match dates because, while I'd exchanged emails with a few people, Joe was the first person from Match that I actually met. And THANK GOD because if I'd gone on any bad dates, I would have quit immediately because, duh, I'm a quitter. And then I might never even have met Joe because we're both shut-ins who would rather stay in and read/watch movies/play with the Internets (in pajamas) than go out into the real world. Joe knows me better than anyone ('cept Heidi), he thinks the ridiculous and inappropriate things I say are cute, and he tells me I'm pretty even when I've spent the entire day all fevery and barfy and unshowered. There's nothing in the world I wouldn't want to do with Joe, even if that something is doing nothing.

I was never all that interested in falling in love because it seemed too messy. I knew what I wanted and could size up a boy and rule him out in an instant as NOT IT. Joe threw me off. I was instantly comfortable with him, which is unlike me. Normally I'm quiet and just generally socially awkward around new people, but not with Joe. I told him once that I'd built a wall around myself so no one could see that, yes, I have feelings and yes, they could be hurt. He just replied that it's a good thing he's tall enough to see over the wall.

(see, tall)

There's plenty to worry about in the future. Money, car, job, housing, etc. But something clicked when I met Joe. A piece of my life that I didn't even know was missing was suddenly there and now I don't have to worry about things so much. And if you knew what a chronic worrier I am, you'd see what special kind of miracle Joe worked.

Here's to a great year.