If I advance any higher in this company, then this would be my career. And well, if this were my career I'd have to throw myself in front of a train.

I often worry that I'm not a good enough person. I think I'm a good person, despite all the cursing and the talk about punching babies. After all, it's mostly all talk. I'd never punch a baby in the face, unless I traveled back in time somehow and punched Baby Hitler in the face, but he's totally asking for it. No, I don't worry that I'm not a good person, I worry that I'm not a good ENOUGH person. I worry that I'm not living up to my full potential, and that, even though I volunteer a couple days a month, I feel like I could be doing more for people.

I got kind of bummed this morning. It's becoming more and more obvious that, once we've converted all of our software and our company is officially taken over by the new one, my job will be all but obsolete. The thought of not having this job anymore doesn't really depress me, the thought of having NO job depresses me. This job is not as challenging as I thought it'd be when I started, or maybe I've gone as far as I can here, so the whole losing-my-job thing would be a good thing. Except, that not-having-any-money thing would kind of suck. And finding a new job has been a lot harder than I thought it would be. I mean, HELLO, why do they not recognize that I have super awesome skills (not just mean internet-surfing skills) and ALSO I would entertain them with funny stories and sarcastic comments on a daily basis, MUCH like a class clown. Or court jester. One of those.

A lot of the times, I think about doing something and then come up with a long list of reason why NOT to do it. I would like to stop this. The next time someone says they're having a James Bond movie night and I have a math test the next day (wtf?) I'm going to say, "Fuck the math, I'll be there." And the next time I see a job and think, "That sounds awesome, but I'm not sure I'm qualified," I'm going to say, "Fuck the qualifications, I'm applying anyway."

If they call me for an interview, though, I'm going to try not to say fuck in front of them.

Dwight thinks it's Friday...so keep that going

I had this plan all worked out today, to use the time change to my advantage and miss work. See, I was going to SAY I came in at 7, which I thought was 8, and when I saw that no one was there, I assumed it was Sunday and went home. And THEN I was going to sleep in and call work around, say, 11? And tell them I thought it was Sunday THEREFORE, I'd be in whenever I goddamn well felt like it. I was informed that this was a bad plan, as my boss would think I was either A) a liar or B) really, really dumb and I think I'd get fired in either case.

Whatever, I slept the crap out of that extra hour, so I guess I got everything out of Daylight Savings Time that I'm going to. Hey! Guess what? I've decided I love NaBloPoMo. Not because I have to write some crap everyday, but because OTHER people have to write some crap every day. This means my Google Reader is never empty. Not that my Google Reader is EVER empty, but let's ignore that part.

OHMYGODYOUGUYS. Guess what tomorrow is! I'm not sure why I'm so excited about tomorrow, given my track record. Never have I ever voted for a winning president. It's enough to make a girl to vote for McCain tomorrow. That's crazy talk, of course. I'm trying not to be superstitious, but I can't help it. I'm afraid to be optimistic on account of, um, the past two presidential elections. I thought about voting early, but Heidi did and waited FOUR HOURS in order to vote. She's such a good citizen. I find it incredibly uplifting that so many people are voting early. In the end, I decided not to vote early because I like to vote on election day. MOSTLY so I can wear my "I Voted" sticker around all day like a big nerd. After the voting is all over, we're gathering at a bar to watch the results come in. My thoughts are, if Obama is winning, I'll need a celebratory drink and if McCain is winning, well . . . I'll just need to be drinking period. Sigh.

Moving on. Because I am incredibly open to suggestion, I purchased this, after I read about it on some blogs. People were all, "this is so hard!" and I was all, "that's what she said!" and then I bought it. And you guys? It is so hard. That's what she said. I did it on Saturday (that'swhatshesaid) and I am still sore (that'swhatshesaid). It's a good thing I bought it, though, because this is what I ate this weekend:

Cousin Vinny's Pizza
Sonic
Spaghetti Warehouse
Penn Station
Clancy's

We went to Clancy's last night for dinner, and Heidi ordered us some deep fried cheese. Because, see, they were out of deep fried pickles. And then I got some Buffalo Balls (boneless buffalo wings) with hot sauce, and they were pretty spicy so I had to wash them down with some Miller Lite. Then my tummy kind of hurt for the rest of the night. And that is why today I am not going to eat anything deep fried. Tomorrow, though, that depends on the election results. I may be drowning my sorrows in more than just a pitcher of beer.

With win-win-win, we all win. Me too.

GUESS. WHAT.

Our power is back. Thank you, sweet baby Jesus. I went over to my aunt and uncle's last night, because there was a bunch of leftover food from my parents' cookout, and also THEY HAD POWER (and Rock Band). When I got home, I noticed that the parking lot was no longer a black hole of scary darkness and when I looked in other apartments . . . there was light. LIGHT LIGHT BEAUTIFUL LIGHT.

I got inside and started flipping lightswitches on and off, WHOOHOOing in the makeshift strobe lights, and then ran around the apartment turning on every electrical appliance I could get my hands on.

I'm not kidding, you guys, it's a damn good thing the power came back on because I desperately need to do laundry. Heidi and I had the following email conversation yesterday. At work, because that was the only place we could go that actually had, you know, power.

Me: I wish it would come back on so I could do laundry. I'm going to be the smelly kid soon.
Heidi: I did laundry right before that so I have clothes. You'll just have to start wearing party dresses to work! haha
Me: Ha! And I'm down one party dress because it has rum and coke all over it!

Because, oh yeah! Did I tell you guys I spilled an entire rum and coke all over myself at the wedding reception on Saturday? No. No, I did not. I didn't tell you anything about the wedding because when we got back to Dayton, the world was ending, so I completely forgot about it.

Um. Anyway. I spilled a rum and coke on myself at the wedding reception. Luckily, I was sitting down and no one noticed but Joe. I was able to casually sweep my lapful of ice and coke onto the floor with my arm while Joe ran and got me a napkin. I didn't mind being a somewhat sticky mess for the rest of the night. I mean, why would I? There was an open bar, so I could easily get another drink. Plus, there were cupcakes. CUPCAKES. So. Win win (win).

In Whoville they say that the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day

I still don't have power but it's OK [cue hysterical laughter] because who needs power? Not me. I don't need power at all. I'll just read by candlelight for the rest of my life UNTIL I GO BLIND IN FIVE DAYS BECAUSE DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO READ BY CANDLELIGHT? IT'S HARD THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.

Ahem. At least people I know have power. If I couldn't get out of our dark apartment, I'd have jumped off the balcony by now, which wouldn't have even killed me. I'd have just broken my leg or something and sat there in the dark crying about my stupid, broken leg. Wah wah waaaaaaaaah.

Last night, we went over to my parents' powerless house because they had a lot of meat they wanted to get rid of on account of it would soon be rancid. My dad grilled steak, chicken, hot dogs, cheesy brauts, and hamburgers while my uncle made this potato-cheese-casserole stuff on a camping stove. At one point, I walked by my dad, who hadn't eaten yet because he'd been grilling 96 pounds of meat, and he was all, "I'm having fun!" and my uncle (who also hadn't eaten) added, "We'll all look back on this someday and laugh." But as I stood there, listening to all the conversation and giggling (mostly due to one cousin in particular, who shall remain nameless), it was nice to know we wouldn't have to wait until someday to start laughing.

UPDATE: wind still blows

Heidi and I are still without power, as is much of Dayton. I came to work this morning and the only department that had power was IT, so I worked down there today. Well. This morning. My boss asked some of us to come in and take care of anything pressing and then we could leave. But then! Wouldn't you know it! The power for the rest of the building came on. Dammit. Although, what am I going to do at home? Sit in the dark by myself and cry? Probably. Also, read. But mostly cry.

Things could be much, much worse. I know I'm being whiny. We have hot water, so at least we can shower. I can go to Joe's to steal his internet or in case there's something really important I need to watch on TV. And my parents, who do not have power either, invited us over tonight to grill steaks so they don't go bad. They also have many, many bottles of wine and, while they won't go bad because of the power outage, we should probably drink them anyway. You know. Just in cases.