The worst thing about prison was the dementors.

1. It is misty and gloomy today, I think probably because there are dementors around or something. As I do not (yet) have a magic wand, I cannot produce a Patronus to get rid of them. Sorry. I will work on this.

2. When I was on my way home from work yesterday, I pulled up behind a car with the following bumper stickers: "JUST BE NICE" and "If only those with closed minds also had closed mouths." Then a truck pulled up next to that car. The truck had the following bumper stickers: "OBUMMA," "YOU LIE" (with the O being, of course, the Obama O), and "Undocumented Worker" next to a picture of Obama. CHARMING. It made me sigh a lot.

3. Slightly related to #2 (heh), I would like to start a religion based on the JUST BE NICE bumper sticker. Because, OMG people, JUST BE FUCKING NICE TO EACH OTHER.

project(s) update = yaaaaawn

Hey, look at that, it's November 15th, which means the month is HALF OVER. How did that happen? November seems to be the month of projects or something and I figured since the month is half over, I'd report on my progress. STAY TUNED FOR EXCITEMENT, EVERYONE. And by excitement, I mean this will be really boring, probably, but try and stay awake, will you? Thanks.

NaBloPoMo: Well, I've posted every day, so technically it's going fine but I feel like I'm cheating because the quality of my posts...well...let's just say there have been a lot of Youtube videos.

Harry Potter Read-a-thon: I am so gonna win. I'm about halfway done with Half-Blood Prince. I don't anticipate Dealthy Hallows taking very long because once I get to a certain point, I am physically unable to put the book down.

NaNoWriMo: I am almost to the halfway point. I think I'm a couple thousand words away from 25,000, so I'm hopeful that I can write a little extra each day and finish on time. Once I'm done with Harry Potter, I should have a lot more time to write.

30 Days of Harry Potter: Um, I've missed a ton of days on this. So here, really quick, are my answers to the questions I've missed so far. Oopsies.

Favorite magical creature

Buckbeak!

Favorite professor

Loony Loopy Lupin!

Who would you want to be friends with at Hogwarts?

Luna Lovegood!

What pet would you want to have? (owl, cat, rat or toad)

Owl!

Favorite spell

Accio all my crap! I'm lazy so this one would be perfect.

Top 3 least favorite characters

I hate Umbridge enough to count for three people, so Umbridge, Umbridge, Umbridge!

lists!

Things I Have Done Recently:

• saw Up (and cried)
• played Wii Fit (and cried)
• went to the pool
• got a bit sunburny on my back
• read
• ate Chinese food (mmm)
• drank beers (mmm)
• ate pizza (mmm)
• drank more beers (mmm)
• introduced Joe to Old School
• ran

Things I Am Going to Do in the Near Future:

• see The Decemberists
• go to volunteering and participate in the annual balloon launch
• see a sneak preview of The Hangover
• run some more
• figure out how to use my new camera
• pack
• go to Myrtle Beach

Places I'd Rather Be Right Now:

• at home
• at the pool
• um, anywhere, really, to make a long story short

I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date! Ha, JK, I'm never late.

You guys, it was as windy as a windicane last night. I was a little worried about the power going out for 80 days again but all my worrying was for NAUGHT. As usual. I worry a lot about stupid things, is what I'm saying. I think a lot of this is because I'm a planner. I plan everything. I plan my evenings, even if I have nothing to do. I'll be all, "first I will go home, and then I'll work out and shower, and by then it will be 6:30, and if I make and eat dinner, it'll be about 7 and then I will read and then I will watch TV and then I will hug the Internet and then I will go to bed." And if there's a kink in my plan, I worry. And then I have a tiny breakdown and then I'm OK.

I like to have a plan and I LOVE to make lists. It's comforting. I'm not one of those people who usually accepts last minute invitations to do things, because most of the time I've already planned something and even if that plan is to DO LAUNDRY, I don't like rearranging my schedule. Because, see, I plan so much so I can utilize my free time to the fullest. If I can figure out the most efficient way to get all my shit done, that leaves the most time to do . . . nothing. And since nothing is what I prefer to spend most of my time doing, this is ideal. (Nothing = reading, writing, scouring the internet for things I don't need, Wii, TV, movies, etc.) This is why I'm always on time or early for things and why my head explodes a little when I have plans with someone and they are late. I can't help it. It's the way I'm wired. I'm a control freak and I've learned to accept it NAY embrace it.

All this means my brain is busy a-planning today, because I have dinner with Joe and his parents tonight, and Thursday night TV with Heidi, and dinner and wine and Wii with Heidi and Nancy tomorrow night, and Saturday is Valentine's Day, and Sunday is Joe's birthday, and Monday is Joe's birthday party, and Tuesday is volunteering and I'm already exhausted by all the fun and excitement. It's going to be hard to squeeze in any nothing time, but I think I can do it. After all, I've had almost 27 years of plan-for-nothing experience.

grace in small things (day 2)

1. Miller Lite
2. pajama pants
3. sleeping in
4. fun plans with fun friends
5. Sad Captain (explanation to follow if I remember)
   

grace in small things (day 1)

So I'm trying this: Grace in Small Things. I saw it on Heather's blog and basically, every day, I will find five good things in my life. You know, little things that are easily overlooked. Lately I feel like work is making me really angry and world-hatey and I don't like being that way. Normally I'm optimistic to the point of denial (see November 2004: "Kerry could still win!") and I like that better. Aaaaanyway. Here are my five for today:

1. Casual Friday
2. NPH
3. Emails from Joe that start like this: Are you there, Jennie? It's me, Joe
4. It's supposed to be 43 degrees today (HEAT WAVE!)
5. PB&J sandwiches

It's a good day, too. I'm wearing my mustard shirt.

OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS, I'm so excited. I wish work was over. Unfortunately, it's not. Not even close. But whatever, we have beloved friends visiting tonight and there will be food and drinking and FUN, but hopefully no bar fights*.

Did you know it snowed yesterday? Well, it snowed yesterday and everyone forgot how to drive. Heidi explained to me that it's because a lot of people in Ohio are Republicans and Republicans are bad drivers. I never knew I was a Republican. Zing! Anyway.

Last night, while I was waiting for Heidi to get home, I did a bit of cleaning for our guests. Nothing extravagant like cleaning the bathroom (crazy), but vacuuming and cleaning Phoebe's litter box so it didn't smell like poo. Did I tell you I bought Phoebe a fancy, new litter box? It's one of those that has a little walkway and it's all inside an igloo, because I was tired of seeing her poo. Because, see, she doesn't always cover it up very well. Wow, anyway. I bought her this new one and I think she was really confused, because for a while, she wouldn't use it. So I took the lid off of it for a couple of days and then she used it and then I put the lid back on, but I wasn't sure if she was using it because she's not very smart. Maybe she just thought if the lid was on, the place to poo went away. You will never believe how happy I was yesterday when I lifted the lid and saw a bunch of turds. Joe called soon afterward and I was all, "Guess what! Phoebe pooped in her litter box!" and he was like, "Great, I just called to tell you about the CD I just found OK bye!"

You know, I think that's the greatest story I've ever told on a blog EVER. Speaking of blogging, today marks my fifth anniversary of blogging. Not just on this blog, though. Also here and here. Good times. Oh, shit, I guess it was yesterday. Oops.

Where was I? OK, so I cleaned a bit. Not as much as I should have. This is what we did last night instead of cleaning our apartment for our beloved friends:

• went to Starbucks and got hot chocolate (OH MY GOD YUM)
• went to Target, where I spent a bajillion dollars on toiletries and such
• went to Papa Murphy's to use a coupon and buy delicious pizza
• discussed a text message to send a boy
• watched 30 Rock
• watched Ugly Betty
• watched The Office
• watched more 30 Rock
• oh, and planted seeds for a tiny Christmas tree

Target Dollar Spot strikes again! I hope it grows big and strong by Christmas. Joe made fun of me (standard) for buying a tiny Christmas tree, but when Heidi and I are rich because of our Christmas tree farm, he's gonna be so jealous.

*fun fact: I found this entry by searching my blog posts for "bar police mom"

don't drink the hateorade

I complain a lot. Ask anyone. ANYONE. These are the things I've been complaining about lately, but in an effort to make myself a better person, I'm going to complain about them AND THEN say something good about them. Look at that. I'm growing.

1. Cold weather

Earlier this week, I started complaining about snow and it hasn't even gotten cold enough to snow yet. Also, the cold weather makes it harder to go running because it makes my throat hurt (waaaaaaaaah) and I have to wear a jacket. I HATE WEARING A JACKET. The good thing about cold weather, though, is that I no longer sweat like a pig while running and also it was cold enough last weekend to build a fire and roast marshmallows. Win win win.

2. the election

I've known who I was going to vote for since February 2007. And since I know who I'm going to vote for and am sick of hearing about the election and am double sick of seeing Palin's stupid face everywhere, can't they just move the voting to today? Or even tomorrow. I'm flexible. The good thing about the election is . . . um, it's almost over. Also, I could go vote early if I wasn't so lazy and if I didn't heart voting on election day so hard.

3. Atonement (sorry, Ashley)

I finished the book the other day, and I only did it out of pure spite, because I guessed the ending after beginning Part Two, and I didn't like any of the characters, and Briony was stupid and annoying, and it moved SO SLOWLY and I don't really like war books anyway (except for The Things They Carried). But. I plan on seeing the movie, because I've heard rumors that James McAvoy is super dreamy in it.

4. NBC

We still don't have it. Instead we have HBO Family, which has been running the same five movies over and over. We have Batman Returns (good), E.T. (good), some movie about kid entrepreneurs (didn't watch it, but it looked really cheesy), some movie about kids stuck in an airport (didn't watch it, but it had Lewis Black in it so it couldn't have been good), and The Astronaut Farmer, which I can't watch because Billy Bob Thornton ruined David Duchovny's marriage. This not having NBC is not good, no matter what way I look at it, because you know why? The version of E.T. they're showing is the new one. And in the new version, they took out the part where Elliot calls his brother, "penis breath." Enough said.

5. money

As in, I have none. The good thing about this is, it forced me to reevaluate my budget (ha, what budget).

6. Thanksgiving

First of all, nothing can top the Thanksgiving Miracle of last year, but this year Thanksgiving is with my mom's side of the family which is the side of the family full of DRAMA AND CRAZY. Because of this, Thanksgiving will just be me, my parents, and sister, and that sounds practically perfect to me. I might even bring more than the rolls this year.

7. Christmas

See above: crazy family. They have rescheduled both Thanksgiving and Christmas, and even though I can't make it to faux-Thanksgiving, it doesn't matter because they only reschedule major holidays for my army-bound cousin, anyway. Oh, do I sound bitter? It's because I am. Anyway, the good thing about Christmas is I LOVE BUYING PRESENTS FOR PEOPLE. The no money thing makes this a challenge, but despite my laziness, I actually enjoy a challenge.

8. Puppies

Ha! Just kidding. No one complains about puppies unless they pee or poop somewhere they're not supposed to, and even then, it's half-hearted complaining because LOOK AT HOW CUTE THE PUPPY IS.

And now I want a puppy.

it was like flying with THE RIDDLER

Tamara wanted me to do this and then she YELLED at me because I hadn't done it yet SO HERE, TAMARA, GOSH!

1. What I was doing 10 years ago:

I was a goody-two shoes, over-achieving sophomore in high school. I wish I could go back in time and tell Past!Jennie to calm down already.

2. What 5 things are on on my to-do list for today (not in any particular order):

eat ice cream
write 300 words
go running
answer emails that have been sitting in my inbox for like 87 days
write an article

3. Snacks I enjoy:

The answer is chips and salsa. I would live on chips and salsa if I didn't think I'd suffer some sort of nutrition deficiency and die.

4. Things I would do if I was a billionaire:

Pay off my student loans
Pay off everyone else's student loans (my friends, that is, not like everyone in the world)
Move to a beach somewhere. Or Italy.
Hire a professional chef.
Buy a pirate ship.
Invest the rest in hoverboard development.

5. Places I have lived:

Ohio. The womb. Although, the womb was technically in Ohio, so never mind.

I'm supposed to tag some other people. So I tag Kat, because she keeps threatening to quit her blog. And I tag everyone else, too, so I have something to read.

what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man

MSN is one of my Great Work Distractions, mostly because they change the links on their page all day long. Today, one of the articles is The 75 Skills Every Man Should Master. And while I lack the proper plumbing to be a man, I decided to see how I stack up, starting with numbers 1 through 20.

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.

I'm not good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

2. Tell if someone is lying.

I can do this! Everyone is a liar. True story.

3. Take a photo.

Easy. Point camera, push button.

4. Score a baseball game.

Um. Count the runs, right?

5. Name a book that matters.

I'm sorry, I cannot take this one seriously because this is what the article said: "The Catcher in the Rye does not matter."

EXCUSE ME? The Catcher in the Rye DOES NOT MATTER?!? I'm going to assume that was a typo, otherwise fuck you, article!

6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.

I suppose I could learn more about Rivers Cuomo.

7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.

OH MY GOD, I CAN ACTUALLY DO THIS.

8. Not monopolize the conversation.

I try not to do this, unless the conversation turns to The Office, in which case I can't help myself.

9. Write a letter.

I write the shit out of letters.

10. Buy a suit.

Um.

11. Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn't count.

Can I have water wings?

12. Show respect without being a suck-up.

Eff you.

13. Throw a punch.

I don't think I've ever punched anyone, really. I've always assumed that, should I need to fight someone, my fighting skills will simply appear.

14. Chop down a tree.

I would never chop down a tree because I love them.

15. Calculate square footage.

I passed 6th grade math, so I think I'm good here.

16. Tie a bow tie.

Shit.

17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well.

Does crack juice count?

18. Speak a foreign language.

Does pig latin count?

19. Approach a woman out of his league.

Hmm, I'm beginning to see why this article doesn't really apply to me.

20. Sew a button.

Uh-oh.

To be continued (unless I forget). Anyway, how did you guys stack up?