buzzzzzzzzed

Hey so guess what? This morning I was really tired because I stayed up to watch Lost last night, which is obviously past my bedtime because I get up before THE SUN. Way before the sun! The sun is such a slacker compared to me! I should get the sun's job and also the sun's salary, which I bet is a lot because that's a tough job most days, you know? Not on cloudy days, because the clouds are covering for you (badumBUM) so you can sit back and watch old Grey's Anatomy reruns on your TiVo and that reminds me that the other day I was watching Grey's Anatomy reruns (on TiVo) and it was the one where George and Izzy had sex which is gross and wrong because George was married and Izzy is some evil combination of a succubus and a banshee straight out of hell. I'm pretty sure that's when I sort of stopped watching that show, was during the whole George/Izzy affair, and I COMPLETELY stopped watching the show after someone got a poop transplant and the interns operated on another intern and Izzy started having sex with dead-Denny.

My point is, I had coffee this morning because I was really tired and that's why I'm not making sense, because I haven't had coffee (or any caffeine, really) in at least two or three months because I gave it up after it started giving me really bad heartburn because I didn't like feeling like my heart was on fire. That's a weird feeling, right? I was trying to explain heartburn to Joe, because he said he's never had it, and I was just like, "it feels like your heart...is burning," and he was all, "wow, that's helpful," and I said, "shut up, I'll set your heart on fire and see how you like it!" and we have a healthy relationship, yes? Yes.

So I drank a cup of coffee, and when it started kicking in, I thought, "oooooh, YEEESSSSS, that's the stuff...how I've missed you, evil caffeine mistress," because I was SO AWAKE and being really productive but then there was like too much caffeine in my blood because I was jittering all over the place.

I still haven't come down and all I want to do (is have some fun) is run around the building a few times but it's cold outside and sort of muddy and I think someone would call security if they saw me scrambling over fence like a rabid monkey. So instead I'll tell you all about my life since the last time we talked, which has been a while and that's tragic and unfair because I love you guys, I do, and we should talk more often. It's my fault, though. I'm neglectful, which is why I don't have kids yet.

You guys know how I'm in this Biggest Loser competition? Well, we have to weigh in on Saturday and I'm so nervous because I couldn't work out much last week because I was sick so I'm trying to make up for it this week. Anyway, I was in 7th place (out of 21) at the last weigh in and I really want to win because the prize is $210 dollars, which would be really helpful for the wedding because weddings are expensive even if you don't buy stupid crap that nobody cares about. So every time I don't feel like working out (which is, um, always), I just think of how nice my bank account would look with an extra $200 in it and that usually works.

Also, work has been crazy busy and stressing me out because I have approximately 10 million conference calls a week OK not really, but it is a lot. So many that my boss told me to order a headset so I don't have to hold the phone to my ear for an hour and a half because that makes my ear hurt, which is not something I ever would have considered, and so I'll order a headset and be safe. I don't want to have to go to the doctor and be all, "my ear is broken" and the doctor will be like, "why?" and I'll say, "conference calls" and the doctor will push me down and call me a whiny baby because who breaks their ear like that? Whiny babies, that's who.