Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today.

QUESTION: If you woke up today to hear Sonny and Cher singing "I've Got You, Babe," would you or would you not poop yourself?

OK. Maybe you wouldn't poop yourself. I'd hope that at your age you have more control over your bowels than that. But wouldn't you FREAK OUT? I would. I'd smash my alarm clock and then call in sick to work, because whatever, it's not like it would matter. Today would just start over tomorrow. So this is what I would have done today, had I not gone to work on account of I was stuck in some sort of Groundhog Day loop and there were NO CONSEQUENCES:

Um, nothing. I would have done nothing. My idea of a perfect day is one in which I am in my pajamas for most of it and I don't have to leave the apartment, unless it's to do something fun like go to the movies or a bar. A bar with food and cheap drinks.

That's what we did Friday. Also, Saturday. Oh, but real quick I have a story about Groundhog Day. This one time, Joe and I were watching an episode of Chuck. It was the one where this dude crashes his car into the Best Buy Buy More and he takes everyone hostage and his name is Ned Rhyerson which is the same name as the annoying guy who accosts Bill Murray on the street every day. Also! Carl Winslow is in the movie reprising his role as Sgt. Powell from Die Hard. I dare you not to think that is awesome. I dare you!

Anyway, my point is, this weekend was fun, aside from a bit of vomiting. The vomiting wasn't a result of drinking, and it wasn't me doing the vomiting, although the vomiting did take place in my apartment. Let's not talk about that anymore. On Friday, Joe and I went to dinner at this delicious, delicious steak place and ate delicious steak and I ate a mountain of (delicious) mashed potatoes. There was this table of older couples sitting next to us, and the wine, it was a-flowing. At one point, they were talking about which was better -- Google or Yahoo, which (I guess) led to a discussion of instant messaging, which THEN led to this old guy saying, "Hey, how are you doing? LOL, laugh out loud, SMILEY FACE." It was awesome. Then he started talking about typing with one hand so I stopped listening.

After my dinner date with Joe, I headed to a drinks date with Heidi and we split a pitcher of magical beer. I say it was magical because it only cost $4. It was so magical that Steve, Heidi, and I went back again the following night. This time the magical beer gave us the power to ROCK OUT on Guitar Hero: World Tour. We played until I couldn't really see anymore, on account of I don't blink when I play that game LEST I MISS A NOTE. The best part was Heidi singing No Sleep Til Brooklyn. We all discovered that we didn't know any words to that song except these - no, sleep, til, Brooklyn. So Heidi made up her own words and then did a little freestyle rap at the end. I wish I'd recorded it, it was that good.

Then, of course, yesterday was The Puppy Bowl and also I think there was some football or something going on but I'm not sure because I was too busy planning to steal Schroder, the husky-beagle (Busky? Heagle? Beasky? Husgle?) who kept falling asleep on the field. After The Puppy Bowl I ate so much spicy chili that I still have heartburn. That's not going to stop me from eating the leftover chili my mom gave me, though. I do eventually learn from my mistakes, but only after I make them a couple of times.