week of Mondays

YOU GUYS. Just when I thought it was safe to go back to blogging, WORK ATE MY SOUL. And not in a good way, either. Although, it's not like there's a GOOD way to have your soul eaten. You totally need your soul, otherwise you can't love things or enjoy fine cooking. It's true. They're all totally connected, just like Connect Four. Yeah, whatever.

Yesterday, I came into work and could not get into Outlook, meaning that the millions upon millions of emails I get every day were going UNREAD and since I wasn't answering emails people were calling me and since I hate talking on the phone, I wanted to curl into the fetal position under my desk until everyone just left me all alone to cry in peace. That never happened, though. You'd think not having access to my email would mean I couldn't get any work done, but you'd be wrong. Next time, I hope my entire computer has the decency to stop working because then I'd have an excuse to be napping at my desk. I'M JUST KIDDING, UNIVERSE, PLEASE DON'T BREAK MY COMPUTER! Seriously. How would I farm if my computer breaks? You know, if you didn't know about the internet, that last sentence would be SO CONFUSING.

Anyway. This morning, my email STILL wasn't working, so I called the IT Helpdesk for the third time and was all, "wtf, mate?" and the guy was all, "um...I don't know," and I was all, "NO, SERIOUSLY, WTF, MATE?" and he said it was a local problem and then I started yelling about how my ACTUAL DESK was more helpful than the IT Helpdesk and I think he quietly hung up on me while I was screeching at him but I don't care because I felt better afterward. I managed to nab a local IT person as she was walking by and she fixed it in like thirty seconds. I could try to explain to you why I have to call and speak to someone at the IT Helpdesk who is usually not even in the same timezone as me INSTEAD of just going directly to local IT, but I like you guys and I don't want your heads to explode.

At some point, in the midst of my email turmoil, I found out that our benefits person had to have an emergency appendectomy last night and will be out for, oh, who knows how long and did I mention that Open Enrollment is next week? Because Open Enrollment is next week. I hate Open Enrollment, you guys. Our benefits are all outsourced now, which you'd think would make things easier, but no one actually READS the benefits information they're given so instead of calling the ever-so-helpful 1-800 number or going to the informational website, they call and ask us what plan they should enroll in and GUESS WHAT we can't tell you what plan to enroll in, LEARN TO READ, A-HOLE. But I can't yell those things at employees because we're supposed to hold their hands and be helpful but I DON'T WANT TO because if I have to do any more fake smiling, I think my face is going to crack in half and I NEED MY FACE, YOU GUYS.

I keep thinking it's Friday but it's not, you know? It's totally Thursday, which is not Friday but I want it to be Friday why can't it be Friday? Because if today was Friday, I could go to Joe's soon and play with his Wii (hahahahaha, that will never get old) and then the next day would be Saturday which means SLEEPING IN. But no, it's not Friday, and I have two more hours of not-Friday before I can go home and put my pajamas on and finish the book I've been trying to finish ALL WEEK but this week of Mondays wouldn't let me.

I swear, if Pam and Jim weren't getting married tonight, this whole week would have been a complete waste.