Wednesday, September 16, 2009

and you CAN make wine from dandelions, HEIDI*

Joe and I have dumb fights, Part 1:

Me: I wish I had a baby elephant...
Joe: This should be good.
Me: Because! I could train it and then...ride work.
Joe: OK?
Me: I would feed it bananas.
Joe: ...
Me: And whiskey. Elephants like whiskey.
Joe: You can't ride a drunk elephant to work. You'd get pulled over for drunk driving.
Me: Nuh-uh, because the elephant is drunk, I'M not drunk.
Joe: But the elephant is driving.
Me: No, because I'm steering the elephant so it doesn't matter how much whiskey it had.
Joe: ...that makes no sense.
Me: BESIDES, I wouldn't give the elephant enough whiskey to get it drunk. Just enough to give it a little buzz.
Joe: Oh, so you'll be riding a buzzed elephant to work, that's so much better.
Me: Why don't you want the elephant to be happy?
Joe: I don't even think elephants like whiskey.
Me: Yes, they do, I read it in this book. This elephant in the circus used to steal whiskey. And watermelons.
Joe: Yeah, like everything you read in a book is real.

Joe and I have dumb fights, part two:

Me: It was really hard to write today.
Joe: Oh yeah?
Me: I can see why so many writers are alcoholics and drug addicts, because it's way easier to write when you've had something to drink. Cause you don't care if what you're writing is any good.
Joe: So are you gonna start doing drugs?
Me: No. I'm just saying. Lots of writers are drug addicts and alcoholics.
Joe: True. Hunter S. Thompson.
Me: Stephen King.
Joe: Beverly Cleary.
Me: Yes! I mean, a mouse riding a motorcycle? COME ON, BEVERLY.
Joe: And Ramona? She's crazy. And who has a sister named Beezus?
Joe: Yikes.

*see here and HERE


mysterygirl! said...

I love Mouse on a Motorcycle. And I totally agree that it's way easier to write when you've had a drink and don't care if your writing sucks. During the months my ex did NaNoWriMo, he drank more than he did over the course of the entire year.

Your fights with Joe are awesome.

Tam said...

Birds have CLOACA jennie!

sprizee said...

I love this. I love this so much.

Jennie said...

mg! I always loved Dear Mr. Henshaw. Like, A LOT. I probably read it a billion times, no lie.

Tam, I am too afraid to click that link.

Sprizee, hee, thanks!

Heidi said...

Isn't a "mouse on a motorcycle" code for a fart? Was the book about a fart? I don't remember I read that book too long ago and my long term memory is not the greatest.

Jennie said...

I have never heard that expression for farting. Is that one of those country sayings, like "eloping" and "potluck?" Heeheehee.

Stephanie said...

Best. fights. ever.