Joe and I have dumb fights, Part 1:
Me: I wish I had a baby elephant...
Joe: This should be good.
Me: Because! I could train it and then...ride it...to work.
Me: I would feed it bananas.
Me: And whiskey. Elephants like whiskey.
Joe: You can't ride a drunk elephant to work. You'd get pulled over for drunk driving.
Me: Nuh-uh, because the elephant is drunk, I'M not drunk.
Joe: But the elephant is driving.
Me: No, because I'm steering the elephant so it doesn't matter how much whiskey it had.
Joe: ...that makes no sense.
Me: BESIDES, I wouldn't give the elephant enough whiskey to get it drunk. Just enough to give it a little buzz.
Joe: Oh, so you'll be riding a buzzed elephant to work, that's so much better.
Me: Why don't you want the elephant to be happy?
Joe: I don't even think elephants like whiskey.
Me: Yes, they do, I read it in this book. This elephant in the circus used to steal whiskey. And watermelons.
Joe: Yeah, like everything you read in a book is real.
Me: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?
Joe and I have dumb fights, part two:
Me: It was really hard to write today.
Joe: Oh yeah?
Me: I can see why so many writers are alcoholics and drug addicts, because it's way easier to write when you've had something to drink. Cause you don't care if what you're writing is any good.
Joe: So are you gonna start doing drugs?
Me: No. I'm just saying. Lots of writers are drug addicts and alcoholics.
Joe: True. Hunter S. Thompson.
Me: Stephen King.
Joe: Beverly Cleary.
Me: Yes! I mean, a mouse riding a motorcycle? COME ON, BEVERLY.
Joe: And Ramona? She's crazy. And who has a sister named Beezus?
Me: YOU SHUT UP, RAMONA CALLED HER SISTER BEEZUS BECAUSE SHE COULDN'T SAY BEATRICE!
*see here and HERE