Auntie Em, Auntie Em!

Sometimes when I haven't written here in a while, I feel like I can't write until something BIG happens because what's the point of me writing another, "I did nothing all day today other than watch a full season of Party Down" post because YOU GUYS I'm unemployed (sort of) so that is pretty much what I'd be writing.

That said, I'm writing today because I was in a tornado on Wednesday. I know. I KNOW. I actually didn't know it was a tornado until we saw it on the news last night. We just thought it was a really, really bad (hail) storm, and as it was, it was a category 0 tornado so it was just a not-so-bad tornado (although my aunt insists that there's no such thing as a not-so-bad tornado).

Anyway, so we had just settled down to watch Battlestar Galactica (ASHLEY!) while we ate dinner (SPAGHETTI!) when I looked outside to see it was getting super windy and dark and, well, just very end-of-the-worldish. We turned on the news to see we were under a tornado warning and everyone in our area was being advised to take shelter. Normally I scoff at these warnings (scoff, I tell you!) because tornado warnings around here ('cept for Xenia) usually end up being nothing. My dad and I, when I lived at home, would run to the back porch to watch the storms whenever we were under a tornado warning, until my mom would yell at us to get our stupid asses back in the basement.

But I took one look outside on Wednesday to see the wind whipping the trees back and forth (I WHIP MY TREES BACK AND FORTH!) and was all, "um, maybe we should, like, not be sitting next to this giant window."



So we dragged a very freaked out Max to one of the innermost points of the condo, which happens to be Joe's closet. I was really worried about Phoebe because I had no idea where she was, but I figured she was OK since she's got all that cat-instinct and was probably hiding somewhere safe. We sat in the closet and called our parents and then just listened to the storm blow around us. At one point, Joe was like, "My parents were in a tornado once. They said it sounded like a train going by overhead," and I was all, "You mean, like it sounds right now?" and he was like, "Yeah, pretty much." But eventually the wind died down and we went to look out the window. There was hail EVERYWHERE.





And it was huge:



Once the storm was over, we decided to walk Max because there was another storm on the way. There were trees down all over and the street was flooded. I walked around a bit more yesterday and they had boarded up a bunch of windows that had been busted in the storm tornado.



I cannot stress enough that, for a tornado, this was the weakest possible, and there was minimal damage for a tornado coming through. Sure, there were trees uprooted and windows busted and a chimney destroyed, but no one was hurt and everyone still has a place to live, so I'm not trying to be all dramatic where there is no drama, but HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS A TORNADO. So scary. I'm so glad I didn't know it was a tornado when it was happening because I would have done one of two things:

1. Pooped myself and passed out.
2. Stood outside with my fingers crossed, hoping to be carried away to The Emerald City.

But you guys, the poor trees. :(




And I don't know, but I think someone might be trying to smite Ohio because the new Dinosaur Park (DINOSAURS ALIVE!) at Kings Island caught on fire the other day. Is this because I got so much enjoyment from Giant Jesus burning down? If so, I'M SORRY BUT LEAVE THE DINOSAURS ALONE.

"Baby step onto the elevator...baby step into the elevator...I'm IN the elevator."

Sometimes I have to trick myself into writing. It makes no sense, really, I love to write. Even when I feel like everything I'm writing is complete shit, I can keep going because it's pretty easy to write complete shit, you know? And, I don't know, maybe my shit will turn into pretty flowers some day. That is the weirdest thing I've ever typed. But you know what I mean...flowers come from shit. Everything comes from shit. Shit shit shit. Just keep shitting.

ANYWAY. Joe and I have been having "writing time" some nights, partly because it's more productive than watching hours of TV after dinner but also because we're both writing stories for THIS. You should, too. It's funsies. And if you get published, then I can say I know you and I'll be, like, Famous Once Removed.

We are learning to work together, and by that, I mean, in the same room at the same time. It's difficult because it means we just cannot talk to each other, or it will soon devolve into a gigglefest about poop and butts and who can say the most inappropriate thing that will make the other almost die from all the laughter. That's fun and all, but it's hard to write when you're lying passed out on the floor.

There's something I've been thinking about for a while, something that I hope at least some of you wonderful writers would be interested in, and that something is INTERNET WRITING GROUP. By that, I mean, hey, let's write stuff and pass it around and critique it and praise it but mostly LET'S JUST WRITE. We can have set topics or write WHATEVER, we can write short stories, sonnets, haikus, dirty limericks, I DON'T CARE, except no, wait, I really don't want to write any sonnets.

In any case, email if you're interested.

I changed my name on Windows

I changed my name on Windows, a photo by Jenlala on Flickr.

I had to reinstall Windows because of a virus or something WHO KNOWS THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT what's important is that my name is now officially (well, computer officially) Poohead Buttshits.

Whoever wields this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor. (ATTENTION: SPOILERS AHEAD)

It is a truth universally acknowledged (um, in our house anyway), that I know little to nothing about comic book stuff and Joe knows, well, everything. We saw Thor last and I had some follow up questions regarding Thor, The Avengers, and the previews for X-Men: First Class. And I thought HEY! Maybe other people have the same questions! Or maybe they want to laugh at how little I know about comics. Win win win!

Anyway, read on and be educated:


1. The Cosmic Cube

Jennie: So, what was that thing at the end of the credits?

Joe: The Cosmic Cube. It’s basically a source of unlimited power, I’m not sure how it works, and the Red Skull is always after it.


2. Where my bitches at?

Jennie: I was expecting an Avengery person to be in Thor but I didn't remember that Jeremy Renner was an Avenger.

Joe: Yeah, I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to spoil it.

Jennie: And he's...The Green Arrow?

Joe: No, Hawkeye. The Green Arrow is DC, Hawkeye is like Marvel's answer to The Green Arrow.

Jennie: Oh. I get all the Green people mixed up. Hornet, Lantern, Arrow, IT'S CONFUSING.

Joe: Haha.

Jennie: OK, so the Avengers are Captain America, Iron Man, Hulk, Hawkeye but not Hawkeye from MASH, Captain America...

Joe: You said Captain America already.

Jennie: Oh...um, who are the rest?

Joe: You forgot Thor.

Jennie: Ha, oh yeah, duh. Are there any girl Avengers?

Joe: Well, there's Black Widow.

Jennie: UGH. Scarlett Johanssen.

Joe: Yeah. There's also The Wasp and Scarlet Witch. Scarlet Witch is Magneto's daughter.

Jennie: But they don't get their own movies.

Joe: Well...probably not.

Jennie: THAT'S BULLSHIT.

Joe: I agree.

Jennie: So what you're telling me is that the most high profile female Avenger right now is played by Scarlett Johanssen. Who cannot act.

Joe: I know, it's unfortunate.

Jennie: But she looks really good in the outfit, so I suppose that's all that matters.

"Black Rider, It's Jeff Winger. I know you've heard of me by now!"

Here are some things that have happened since I last blogged:

• I lost my job
• I went to Charleston for a wedding
• I brought back two cases of Yuengling and all but four of the beers are gone
• I've cleaned the entire condo
• I turned 29
• I don't know, some other stuff

I'm not sure why I haven't been blogging other than PURE LAZINESS but I realized today that it's been almost a month since I've blogged, which is like 12 months in Me Years. What I'm saying is, I used to blog several times a day WHAT HAPPENED? And now here I am talking about how I haven't been blogging so let's move on, shall we?

So, I lost my job, which is weird. Last week sort of just felt like vacation, probably because I would get up late, eat some chocolate pop-tarts and watch Doctor Who and The X-Files reruns until I decided I should probably shower and get dressed. You know, around 3 o'clock or so.

ANYWHO, this week I decided I should probably be somewhat productive, so I cleaned a different room of the condo every day. I KNOW. My life without work is super exciting. Not that it was much more exciting when I WAS working, but whatever. The cleaning is mostly done now, which means I have to concentrate mostly on job searching which, as I'm sure you're all aware, is absolutely soul crushing and I DON'T WANT TO DO IT ANYMORE, especially since I don't even know what to search for most of the time, as my old job made me want to jab sharp objects in my eyes at least two times a day.

I mean, it hasn't been that bad, really, not yet anyway. I'm sure that after a few weeks, I will be dying for more human contact. I think Joe's already getting sick of coming home to me acting like a COMPLETE PSYCHO, babbling at a speed greater than light (or...whatever) because the only person I had to talk to all day was Max, and he's not a great conversationalist. Not because he's a dog, but because he sleeps all day.

So here I am, blogging about nothing, which I'm going to try to do more of except maybe I'll try blogging about SOMETHING sometimes, who knows? There's a first time for everything, yeah? Yeah.

Anyway, if anyone hears of any job openings at Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, please let me know.